Posts by Sunchild

34

fell away.......wanna come back...please help.

by Tiggerchick1012 in

jw
friends

ok, so here's the situation.

i am 24 yrs old.

married and have 1 child.

Sunchild

Just in case you do come back, Tiggerchick, here's my .02, the actual value of which may be adjusted for inflation. *g*

More recently,...probably since my son was born I am feeling very depressed and just high strung. I want to go back to the meetings and become a full time witness again.

I'm inclined to agree with those who have suggested that post-partum depression may be a factor. You may want to look up information on the topic and/or make an appointment to see a therapist. But I can't help feeling that there's something else going on, too. You said you want the promise of the New System for your son, but do you really believe in it? That the Witnesses own the only road to a fulfilling life and/or a bright spiritual future? Or are you just afraid not to believe it?

Take care,

~Rochelle.

17

Re-introducing myself. :)

by Sunchild in

jw
friends

i haven't posted here in ages, so i doubt anyone remembers me.

in any case, my name is rochelle, and i used to be a witness.

i started studying with them at age 17, got baptized at 18, and left at 24 or 25 for a lot of reasons.

Sunchild

Aww, you guys are sweet. Thanks for welcoming me, and bigboi, thanks for remembering me. That's always nice to know.

~Rochelle.

160

Why ? Why? WHY???

by rune in

jw
friends

this topic has been rolling around in my head for some time.

i don't expect that i'll write it perfectly as it needs to be articulated in different ways for different people...but i will do my best.

and worst of all, i am not expecting any kind of response that will satisfy me.

Sunchild

Czarofmischief:

Your spiritual Proof, which is what you are actually asking for, will come when and where it is most beneficial for you. If you can slide through your whole life without experiencing it, you probably will. But if you actually NEED the proof, then it will happen. It will be something you won't expect. Something that if you tried to explain to someone else, it would sound silly and trite. But in your heart you will know it to be what it is.

There are no words in any known language which can express how profoundly right I think you are. If there's a legal limit to "right," you're about to be arrested.

That's exactly how it was for me. I've written about it on my Web site, and I know that no one who doesn't want to believe in God (or just the Christian God) will take it seriously, and I don't mind. Other people's spiritual choices aren't my business unless they want it to be. But my own life hasn't been the same since I got my "proof." Since then, it's been a journey; a lot of it is God putting me in situations that force me to confront my past and certain aspects of myself that I haven't dealt with before. And whenever I look back, it's eerie how some things just fall into place, like someone's been planning it from the beginning. I'm looking forward to meeting the real me.

~Rochelle.

21

What did you pray for when you were a JW?

by JH in

jw
friends

.

did you pray for health, even if you knew that only in the new system your health would get better.... did you pray for a bible study?.

did you pray not to be tempted by the debil?

Sunchild

I must've prayed for quite a few things, but I remember three clearly.

1. I often prayed for a husband since, after all, a woman is useless by herself and I wasn't getting any younger.

2. In my darker moments (and there were a lot of them towards the end) I prayed for death.

3. This is the one that stands out the most. I remember one night when, in tears and in genuine pain, I asked God why he loved women less than he loved men, why women were just property. I asked why he gave my all of my gifts and abilities when, since I wasn't a man, I would always be inferior. I probably should have realized on that very night that being a JW was patently unhealthy for me.

~Rochelle.

17

Re-introducing myself. :)

by Sunchild in

jw
friends

i haven't posted here in ages, so i doubt anyone remembers me.

in any case, my name is rochelle, and i used to be a witness.

i started studying with them at age 17, got baptized at 18, and left at 24 or 25 for a lot of reasons.

Sunchild

Hi! I haven't posted here in ages, so I doubt anyone remembers me. In any case, my name is Rochelle, and I used to be a Witness. I started studying with them at age 17, got baptized at 18, and left at 24 or 25 for a lot of reasons. I think the biggest one is that there were just too many rules, and too few of them made sense. I left to preserve whatever remained of my questionable sanity.

In any case, I'm 29 years old (my birthday was yesterday; took the money my parents gave me and spent it on a Playstation 2 game *g*), very much female, I live alone except for my cat (my bestest friend in the world, named for a Final Fantasy character), and right now, I'm trying to undo the damage that life with an alcoholic parent and my seven or so years as a Witness did to me. I came back to this forum because I think it might be helpful, and I hope that I can help others as well.

If this board gives out a prize for unique religious histories, I think I stand a decent chance of winning. *g* I was raised as mostly nothing, wanted to make God happy so I became a JW because of their strictness, ended up LEAVING because of that strictness among other things, became a Pagan because the JW God was such a jerk that I wanted nothing to do with him (or, for awhile, men in general, but that's another story), and then... I ended up as a Christian because it turned out that the god they'd shown me wasn't God at all. But I'm not a traditional Christian; that's just not my intended path. It's a little complicated, so if you're bored and curious, you can get the details from this part of my Web site. You might want to start with "My Story" since that's how it all begins.

Let's see, what else is there...? Oh, yeah, the miscellaneous stuff. My favorite foods include sushi, pizza and chocolate, but not all at the same time. My kitty's name is Kuja. I don't have a favorite color since I like them all. I love Hello Kitty, and I still watch cartoons. I'm an aspiring writer. My favorite musical genres are alternative and metal, and my favorite band right now is 12 Stones. I haven't yet heard a song of theirs that I didn't like.

Nice to see so many new faces -- and to recognize so many familiar names.

Love,

~Rochelle.

18

Being JW and Psychiatry

by prophecor in

in looking at so many post over time, i've come to the conclusion that so many of us as witnesses, seemingly have a predisposition towards emotional disorders and mental illness.

just reading some of the post on suicide, i get the feeling that there is some subtle force that exhibits itself in the teaching in the kh that can have a tendency to draw this kind of energy out of someone.

i couldn't see it while on the inside, now that i'm out ,however, i can see things so much differently.

Sunchild

I don't know whether or not being a JW causes psychological problems, but it can make existing issues much, much worse. In my case, I didn't realize how much the experience had damaged me until recently, and I've been out for almost four years now.

When I first started studying with the Witnesses, I was 17. I've always wanted to do "the right thing," whatever that entailed, I've always been spiritual (i.e. wanted to make God happy), and I've always been a bit shy. I really wanted a place to belong, and the chance to believe I was making God happy. The Witnesses gave me that. But later on, I realized that my life among them was... wrong. Much of what I'd been taught to believe just didn't make any sense and/or nagged at my conscience, and besides that, a part of me that just wanted to grow up.

I ended up leaving. A lot of things happened -- some good, some bad, some indifferent, much to do with the self-discovery that I hadn't realized I'd been denied in my late teens and early twenties. I came to realize that, in a lot of ways, my psychological development had been frozen at age 17, the age I was when I first hooked up with the Witnesses. And since my entire social life had been among JWs then, I never learned how to make friends in the "real world", and all the friends I might've made in college were gone. So, over time, my shyness problems have become progressively worse while I wasn't looking. Right now, I have no real life friends because I don't know how to connect with them. I assume they wouldn't be interested and just save us both the trouble.

Looking within myself, though, I've reached another conclusion: the things I was taught as a Witness helped my make my present shyness worse. All that stuff about thinking no more of yourself than necessary, putting everyone else (especially the Org) above yourself, not giving too much attention to your own needs, that sort of thing.... It really stuck with me since my self-esteem wasn't so terrific to begin with. I took those things to heart, and somewhere deep down, I concluded that I wasn't worthy of genuine love. I was supposed to give everything; I had no right to want or expect anything in return.

And on top of that, I know I still had that same old tape playing, always there but made all the louder by my past experiences: never tell anyone all of your secrets, never reveal who you really are or what you really think. Otherwise, it might be used against you.

And, of course, that isn't healthy.

I've made an appointment with a therapist to help me live more fully. I realize now that I can't do this alone. And don't even get me started on the isses I had with depression which started while I was still "in." I know I'm not the only one who's had problems like these.

~Rochelle.

263

Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y in

i feel the need to express how i feel and felt about my life as a gay man.

i was brought up from birth as a jehovahs witness.

this has played a major part in my life and it has been a real struggle to get past.

Sunchild

{{{{{Josh}}}}}

You're brave for sharing this and adorable just because you're you. I'll bet there are a few JW lukers here (and maybe some other fundies, too) who've been given a lot to think about -- namely the fact that gay people are also indeed... well... people. For some reason, a lot of them seem to forget.

I would've said this sooner, but I only started posting here again a couple of days ago. In any case... rock on. And all the best to you and your sweetie.

~Rochelle.

52

For those of you who wish to 'hear'

by kes152 in

may you all have peace!

when i was sent to speak to ones and they came back asking me why it is that we hear and they do not, i had taken it before my lord to ask him.

this is what he told me, their hearts are hard and they do not wish to hear what i tell them.

Sunchild

Hey there! I am slowly remembering who you are. How have you been. It has been a really long time. :)

Let's just say it's been a strange journey, but I'm no worse for wear. I'll probably make a [nauseatingly long] post about it sometime soon, but I guess the most memorable thing about me is that I was one of the resident Pagans.

~Rochelle.

52

For those of you who wish to 'hear'

by kes152 in

may you all have peace!

when i was sent to speak to ones and they came back asking me why it is that we hear and they do not, i had taken it before my lord to ask him.

this is what he told me, their hearts are hard and they do not wish to hear what i tell them.

Sunchild

Hi, Aaron! ::waves:: Chances are you don't remember me (I was gone for about a year and didn't post that much anyway), but I remember you and Shelby very well. It's kind of comforting to see that some things never change.

~Rochelle.

11

Love-Trademark of the christians?

by vesse in

all of you who have a little bit more than usual objective view of the religions.what have you noticed while observing the way how the parishioners of different churchers are showing love toward their fellowbelievers .is there any difference compared to jt's.i know that wts is boasting that the true and genuine love exists only among themselves.i don' t know exactly what a hell this means?one argument i have been told is that the door-to door preaching is one evidence of christian love ( far - fethed , i think ).

what about at the congregational level?.

any feedback?

Sunchild

I can say in honesty that the JWs haven't cornered the market on "Christian love." It may seem like that to people who haven't been visiting the right churches or something, but it isn't true. Like just this past Sunday, I paid a visit to my local United Church of Christ -- the first Christian church I've set foot in since leaving the Witnesses three years ago. Tiny congregation (lots of people gone since it's summer), but everyone there made me feel like family. And while they said they hoped I'd come back, no one pressured me to join or stay.

~Rochelle. :)