Holy shit, it is like you are writing down my thoughts.
I believed in God for a while after learning TTATT. But the more I think about things the less sense God makes.
The nail in the coffin for me was a true crime documentary that I watched one Saturday morning.
Two teenage girls about 17 years of age are out walking early one evening. They get picked up by a couple of drug abusing guys. They are driven out to a quiet area and are both raped at knife point. They are thrown back in the vehicle. They are driven around some more while the guys take it turns raping them. This goes on all through the night and into the morning the next day. The two men then start taking about how they can't let them go and they will have to kill them. They drive out to a creek, make the girls strip down to nothing, and have them clean themselves in the water in an effort to hide the evidence of all the rape. They tie one girl up to a tree, and one guy leaves the other to kill them both. He tries drowning the one that's not tied up to the tree in the creek, but he is having trouble managing. So he starts stabbing the girl in the side to try and kill her more quickly. The girl that is tied up can see this happening. She is next, and he when he attempts to kill her, he makes a mess of this also and ends up kicking her while she bleeds out on the ground.
The killer was found, and admitted all this to the police. The actual interview was played on the show.
Could you imagine the last hours of these poor innocent girls lives? It was so shocking hearing this guy admit to this, I will never forget it.
They interviewed the family of the victims on the show. It was heartbreaking.
But this is just the tip of the iceberg. This kind of evil has played out over and over again all over the world, day in day out, for thousands of years.
Where is God? What the hell is he doing? He wants us to call him father???!!! FFS! What father could possibly watch his children suffer this. I could hardly watch the show, let alone see it with my own eyes. How does God watch these things? All the while knowing he could prevent it in a second.
A few years ago in Perth Australia, a seven year old is raped and then strangled to death in a public toilet.
I get so wound up about all this shit sometimes I can't sleep at night. Screw god and his love and his shit wisdom.