Strugglingrsa ,You sound like a loving caring man who still loves the Bible and is confused by your training into a religious cult.
one way to start de-programming yourself using one of the WT`s own publications .
"The kingdom Interlnear of The Christian Greek Scriptures" and start reading the word for word translation in English ,and ignore the column in the margin.
Just look up the word for word text.
What you will find out is that the name / word Jehovah does not exist there.
You will also discover that Christians were never called to be "Witnesses of Jehovah" but in fact were called to be witnesses of Jesus. On at least 20 occasions and not once were they called to be a witness of Jehovah.
In that word for word text that the Jehovah`s Witnesses base their NWT on not one person in the New Testament utters the word Jehovah ,not one .
That includes Jesus ,the Apostles , or any of his disciples .
Isa.43:10-12 The Jews never took up the name Jehovah or identified themselves as such and Jesus never rebuked them for not doing so.
Check out the origin of the name Jehovah by a 13th Century Spanish monk
its just another example of JW`s taking a scripture out of context and misapplying it.
Don`t take my word for it start checking for yourself today.