Tatiana

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Posts by Tatiana

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  25

  My beautiful sister......

  by Tatiana in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago.

  she was 38. i've had a candle lit for her all day long.

  i've been playing her favorite songs...livin' on a prayer by bon jovi.

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  Tatiana

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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  25

  My beautiful sister......

  by Tatiana in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago.

  she was 38. i've had a candle lit for her all day long.

  i've been playing her favorite songs...livin' on a prayer by bon jovi.

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  Tatiana

  {{{{{{{Bridgette}}}}}}}I can't say I'm glad you understand, because I wouldn't ever want anyone to go through that. And yes, on top of all the crap at home, you have to deal with getting spit at, called names, and beat up at school. Which we both did. Home should be a safe place to go. And when it's not, you are totally alone in the world of a child. That is devastating.
  I'm so sorry about your brother. But, I understand him. Sometimes I don't think I'll make it. Sometimes it is overwhelming. But love keeps me going. To me, it is the ONLY command you ever have to keep. It covers ALL things in existence. It is my center. It had to fill the hole. If you can't fill that deep hole with love, you are lost.

  Here is a photo of Kelly when she was about six. Right before the madness started. When she still had a sparkle in her eye.
  
  edited for screw up(I don't know why it didn't show up here. It worked fine on the tech board--grrrr)
  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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  25

  My beautiful sister......

  by Tatiana in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago.

  she was 38. i've had a candle lit for her all day long.

  i've been playing her favorite songs...livin' on a prayer by bon jovi.

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  Tatiana

  msil, thanks for the loving words. I do remember being very scared, but sometimes took beatings for her anyway. I would say I did the deed just so she wouldn't get it so bad.
  But, what I wonder is if I should have tried to do a lot more when she was older. I often think if only I'd done this, or if only I'd done that. And she did know love. She just didn't know how to get it or give it. She was a sweet, loving little girl who got broken.

  And as for proving my mother wrong, that is my goal in life. Also to be in every way her exact opposite. I often tell my children, "If you ever think for a second I'm acting like my mother in any way, knock me down and gag me!"
  My whole life is about love. It's how I survive.

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
• 
  76

  Years in v. Years Out

  by Billygoat in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'd like to find out how many years collectively we have acquired in the wts.

  please list how many years you were/have been a jw.

  please also list how many years you have been out.

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  Tatiana

  In from age 2. Might as well have been born in.
  Disassociated at 17. Out a year. Reinstated at different hall.

  14 years....in
  1 year out...
  4 years back in..
  then back and forth and inactive...
  last Memorial 1993.
  So 8 years totally out. No contact.

  Happy as a clam in chowder.

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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  19

  Pet pics?

  by Introspection in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  if anyone care to post some of their own pets, here is one of my cats, mona.

  thanks seven for the recent pics!.

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  Tatiana

  Oh, hell. Didn't work again! I give up.

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
• 
  19

  Pet pics?

  by Introspection in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  if anyone care to post some of their own pets, here is one of my cats, mona.

  thanks seven for the recent pics!.

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  Tatiana

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
• 
  25

  My beautiful sister......

  by Tatiana in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago.

  she was 38. i've had a candle lit for her all day long.

  i've been playing her favorite songs...livin' on a prayer by bon jovi.

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• 

  Tatiana

  Essie,(thanks for the song), msil, Seven, Cowboy, Caole, Six (I love your 'shitty' hugs), Dana, OUTLAW, Simon....thank you all so much. Your words mean more than you can know.

  msil, yes, I loved her, but couldn't help her. We were only 17 months apart. As we got older, I tried to intervene when the drugs and alcohol got to be too much. Many times I got her out of jail. A childhood of abuse made an adult who repeated the pattern. By the time she was 35, she'd been married and divorced 3 times. All abusive husbands. Many times I had to take her to the ER. A fractured rib here, a broken arm there. She never thought she was good enough NOT to be treated that way.

  I think the most painful memory I have was the look on her face, (after she'd done something so unimportant as leaving my brother's milk bottle out to get sour), when my mom was beating the crap out of her and said, "You had to be sent here as a test from Jehovah!" My mother then looked her right in the eye and said, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" I can see her face to this day. Total resignation. Total despair. And I actually hated my mother at that moment.

  Combine the physical plus mental abuse, and you have my sister. I just think maybe there was something else I could have done to stop her. That will haunt me forever.

  Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.....

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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  25

  My beautiful sister......

  by Tatiana in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago.

  she was 38. i've had a candle lit for her all day long.

  i've been playing her favorite songs...livin' on a prayer by bon jovi.

  1. 
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  Tatiana

  Today is the anniversary of my only sister's suicide four years ago. She was 38. I've had a candle lit for her all day long. I've been playing her favorite songs...Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Jump by Van Halen. She loved Elvis, so I've been playing some of his older songs.

  My sister was a tormented soul. We both suffered much abuse as children. From our JW mother. She, more than me, as she was the rebellious one who couldn't keep quiet and not talk back. From a young age, she decided never to cry again. That only made my mother beat her more. I knew she needed help. She started bed-wetting. Killing small animals. Running away. Setting the woods and house on fire. She turned her hurt outwards. I turned mine inwards.

  She ran away at age 11 and lost her virginity to a 17 year old boy. When the police found her, her pants were covered with blood. Instead of helping her, my mother sent her 120 miles away to reform school. I cried myself to sleep every night. I couldn't help or protect my "pippy". She came home and I knew she was different. Changed forever. She was numb. She didn't care about anything. Soon the drugs and alcohol took over her life. All she wanted was for someone to love her. And until she died she tried so hard to make my mother do this. It was in vain. My mother did not cry one tear at her funeral. Not one.

  I love you, Kelly. I wish with all my heart I could have helped you or taken you to another place. I would give my life for yours. You will always be my 'Angel'.

  We played this at her funeral. Much to my mother's chagrin. It was her favorite song of all time.

  Angel
  Aerosmith

  I'm alone yeah I don't know if I can face the night
  I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do it for you
  I want you're love let's break the walls between us
  Don't make it tough I'll put away my pride
  Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light
  Ba-yay-by

  You're my angel come and save me tonight
  You're my angel come and make it alright

  Don't know what I'm gonna do about this feeling inside
  Yes, it's true loneliness took me for a ride
  Without your love I'm nothing but a beggar
  Without your love a dog without a bone
  What can I do? I'm sleepin' in this bed alone
  Ba-yay-by

  You're my angel come and save me tonight
  You're my angel come and make it alright
  Come and save me tonight

  You're the reason I live
  You're the reason I die
  You're the reason I give when I break down and cry
  Don't need no reason why
  Baby, baby, ba-yay-by

  You're my angel come and save me tonight
  You're my angel come and make it alright
  You're my angel come and save it tonight
  You're my angel come and take me alright
  Come and save me tonight
  Come and save me tonight
  Come and save me tonight
  Come and save me tonight
  Come and save me tonight

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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  28

  South Carolina

  by Yerusalyim in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, i'm getting lonely and desperate (in spite of my loving wife and great kids) who here lives in or near south carolina, specifically, columbia.. yerusalyim.

  "vanity!

  it's my favorite sin!".

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  Tatiana

  Slayer, that would be a good reason for me to visit. And to bring back a cooler full of shrimp. I used to go to the docks in Georgetown when the shrimp boats came in, just to get them as fresh as possible.

  I know most of you guys live more towards the central area, but I could never visit without going to the coast. And it sure did seem that the railroad tracks ran through the entire state with so many little "one-horse towns", (as my Granddad was so fond of saying)right alongside them.

  In Andrews, I always hated coming from the meeting on Thursday night, because the train never failed to run through the middle of our two-stop-light town at precisly 9:30pm. We would sit there for an hour. And just when you thought it was almost coming to an end, and you started the car again, the train would STOP.....and back up to switch tracks. Grrrrrr.....

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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  33

  Favorite Activity Since Leaving The Borg

  by tyydyy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just about everyone i have talked to has started doing some different activities since leaving the borg.

  just out of curiousity what would be your favorite activity?.

  mine is flag football.

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  Tatiana

  Tim said....
  

  Just the other day I thought I was going to have a heart attack and I remember thinking "what a way to go!

  Lucky Xena!

  April

  "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)