I had a friend once. His name was Shelton. In his own way, he was the best friend I ever had.
When it came to women, Shelton had a theory: Meet a ton of 'em. Talk to 'em, date 'em, fuck 'em. Do whatever you have to do to get to know them. He felt that you had to "go through" (his term) ? go through ? a bunch of them to meet the right one. I had no problem with his theory. Based on my own limited JW-influenced experience, his theory had considerable merit in my view.
One time and one time only, he told me about Danni.
I never met her. Never talked to her. Never laid eyes on her. To this day... never had a clue to who, what, where, or when she was. As far as I'm concerned, she coulda been a figment of Shelton's imagination. Still... one thing he said about her struck me like a hard-balled fist right upside the noggin. Whether she was real or fake, what he said jarred me from where I was right then to a place I've looked for ever since. And, to my regret, I have not been able to find it.
What he said she said was (paraphrasing), "I love you not only because of the man I see in front of me but because of all of what I know you can be."
We were in a cafe when he told me what Danni had said, and when he did (as tears came to my eyes) I slammed the table and asked him why the fuck didn't he stay with *that* woman!? I've been looking for her my whole life, goddammit.
Of course she was just feeding him a line, the cynical part of my brain said. Nothing but a line. Still, all I could think was: "You mean she actually saw the good in you? Saw it and you didn't? And you let her go?"
It was a dream of mine... a dream that there is a woman who actually sees the good in me. Who doesn't judge... doesn't bring her own personal baggage when looking at me. A woman who doesn't bring along her own personal judge and jury.
I got mad, even then when I was a wavering Dub. Instantly. Who I was mad at... Shelton or Danni, I don't know. All I know is that... like I told him... I've been looking my whole life for what he'd passed up without thinking twice.
A girl named "Danni."
Posts by teejay
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21Danni
by teejay ini had a friend once.
his name was shelton.
in his own way, he was the best friend i ever had.
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teejay
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42
friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
and confidentiality? that blackmail material they have as noted in the verse above, they have it, but they would never use it. That was why you trusted them with the information in the first place..
I've put myself 'out there' with certain people. Purposely. Just to see if they were trustworthy. Given them my real name, my real phone number... where I live. My daughter's name.
So far, no injuries.
I've made friends online. -
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friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
Question: can you establish a real, live friendship ONLINE? With someone you've never laid eyes on? With someone who's so far away that they wouldn't be able to bail you out of jail? Or be the one who goes through your stuff when you die?
Put simply... are online friendships real? -
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friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
I've learned to not try to recreate a family I no longer have, with every potential *friend* I come across.
This is something I've realized very recently too ..I don't really need to say anything, do I SP?
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42
friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
You kill me, SP. Btw, thanks for reminding me of your old thread. I'd forgotten about it. I like your list of things that differentiates friends from everybody else.
To your list I'd add my revolutionary (*cough, cough*) definition: a friend is simply someone who knows you well but likes/loves you anyway; someone who sees the person you really are ? the good and the bad ? understands what it is they see, and they still like you and gives you support... whatever kind of support you need.
Like you said before, trust is critical. Without it, the relationship can't really be called "friendship." It's what Mulan's friend referred to when she spoke of not minding if this person went through your things after you're dead and gone, when we are more vulnerable than any other time in our existence. To trust someone to protect our reputation and legacy when we are powerless to do anything for ourselves is the ultimate symbol of friendship.
Similar times of vulnerability occur while we are alive. A friend will be there for me, to look out for me when I'm not able to fend for myself. They know me, they understand me, and despite my faults, they still love me. -
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friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
Mulan:
you know who your best friend is, when you think about who you would want to go through your things when you die. She told me it would be me.
Now... *that's* deep.
It calls to mind a scene in the movie Bridges of Madison County... where the kids are going through their mother's stuff. After she's passed on and they have only their memories to comfort them.
Although I wouldn't care who went through my stuff after I'm dead and gone, I think that it would be especially nice to have a friend do so.... to be there. To speak for me.
I liked what you said, Sister Mulan. It was very special. -
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friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
Interesting thoughts about what a friend *does*, sister StinkyPantz. I tend to agree. Still, you have not mentioned what a friend *is*.
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friend
by teejay inwhat's your definition?
how would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word?
what *is* a friend?
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teejay
What are they? What's your definition? How would you define the word... the person you'd refer to by that word? What *is* a friend?
A while back, someone said to me that a friend is someone who would get out of bed in the middle of the night to bail you out of jail. Yep. I had to admit... that's something a friend would do, all right. But after I thought about it, that definition seemed a little too narrow to me. A little too specific. Especially since I've come to know people I've never laid eyes on... people I connected with online... people who'd never be able to bail me out of jail, only because they were just too damn far away.
The way I began to look at what the word meant, that earlier definition implied, at least to me, that friendship is dependent on what someone can tangibly do for you. Like... take you to the grocery store. Bring you chicken soup when you're sick. Brush your hair. Bail you out of jail.
In other words, that previous definition of "friend" is merely someone who is little more than a paid servant. What that kind of person/"friend" does is something you can PAY someone else (who's NOT a friend) to do.
So, I thought about it some more. And I've come up with what I believe is a revolutionary definition of the word "friend."
What's *your* definition? -
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If JW's were to set another "Armaggeddon" date , what would it be? 2030? _?
by booker-t ini was talking to my jw friend the other day and he was telling me that armaggeddon is right around the corner because of all the things going on in iraq and that he feels that pres.bush fits into bible prophecy because he feels that 666 equals george herbert bush.
i fell on the floor laughing because my friend was serious about it.
i said i know the watchtower is not teaching that bologna and he said no they were not but this is his own interpretation.
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teejay
2014
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25
posting
by teejay inyou're scanning the board... looking for something good to read.
topics come fast and pages quickly turn.
by the time we get home from work, there's 3 or 4 new pages of threads.
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teejay
You're scanning the board... looking for something good to read. Topics come fast and pages quickly turn. By the time we get home from work, there's 3 or 4 new pages of threads. If not more.
Trying to decide which thread to click on, I think who started the thread matters... who the author is... obviously. We all have our favorites. But do you sometimes look at who most recently posted? Our friends? Does that motivate you, too, like it does me?
If so, whose name do you look for in the "Latest By" column that piques your interest in a thread that you would have otherwise avoided?