Sometimes it feels really lonely because I don't connect with most
others in the congregation and I have to be so careful with the ones
with whom I do associate.
That's part of what cults do to people. They make life in back and white so you cannot be in this in-between stage and feel happy.
Just out of curiosity:
You mentioned that at some point you went back to see if they changed. What change do you think needs to happen for you to feel like going back?
Do you believe in what they preach? Do you support what they do? I wonder if the stage where you are is really solely to keep your wife happy. Seems to me like there may be something there that you may like about that organization, if you have gone back to see if the environment is better for you.
I know you want a happy wife, but isolation and loneliness are not exactly the signs of being in a great place in life.
Have you considered talking directly to your wife about where you stand with that organization? Do you know where you stand with that organization?