I've decided I can't continue to serve Jehovah purely out of fear. Even
today's WT had an element of fear in it. There is no one to talk to
withing the organization. I briefly mentioned a few of my concerns to my
BF and she went crazy accusing me of going on sites etc. My husband,
once a RP and MS is truly awake to everything. I was born in so it's way
harder for me. I just don't want to get it wrong. So, I'll stop
rambling. Just thank you guys. x
Very nice to meet you and I'm glad that you posted. I'm sure there may have been some doubts and uneasiness by doing this. I'm glad you did.
There are no easy answers. Your well being as an individual and your spiritual well being are the things that matter most. I don't think it's necessary to get into read this, learn that, look for this, examine that. In your post you clearly mention that you have been doing that anyway.
I'm glad that you are sharing something that many current and former JWs don;t have the opportunity to share about. That is, what you feel. People stay for a long time in places like their congregations for a long time for many reasons, including the ones you give.
I hope that you get to feel better and more human than just blindly following what you are told in your congregation. No need to explain why you stayed for a long time. The time in that organization doesn't matter as much as the influence in instills in people and the fact that you have your time to make decisions right. Some people just leave without really preparing for it. It's harder when time passes and your life passes and you feel more invested in it. None of it really matters. I'm glad that you're here now.