How do you view your upbringing as a witness?
Most of us
who were raised as witnesses would appreciate that some aspects of our
upbringing were ok. A foundation and measure of stability came with it.
But, it struck me too, that we also lost so very much! AND we lost a lot of POTENTIAL.
By
this I mean, we need to look at not just what we lost, or what was
deprived of us, but what that ended up costing us as adults into the
future.
If I take $10 from you, you have lost just $10.
BUT,
if you were going to use that $10 to buy something that would end up
earning you $1000, then I actually took $1000 from you!
I believe
it is the same with being raised as a witness. The way we were all
discouraged from higher education for example, or discouraged from
charity work, or community social activities such as team sports, ended
up costing us all MUCH more in the end.
Thoughts?
Through the years I have thought about this a lot. Many times, and in different ways, also as i mature as a person my views on this have evolved.
It really depends on how/what you look at it. There are the things that we definitely missed, as having a normal school life and hindering our development in terms of our social skills, not being able to participate in normal activities that all others can. Depending on how each JW family handled it, those handicaps may have been traumatic for some. My parents were not that great at dealing with our not participating in activities in school that JWs aren't allowed. Some were traumatic and created psychological harm in some of us. Some were mild, and in some cases, some JWs look the other way and let certain things slide and not follow (or bend) the rules a little to accommodate for their children having a sense of normalcy.
Those are definitely things that created negative influence in out lives. However, the other side is that when I think of my own family and other JW families I know, I'm not sure that life would have been any better had it not been for the structure that the WT provides. In fact, some people do join religions and organization in attempts at obtaining guidance on how to properly raise a family. In the case of my family, the WT gave my parents something that they otherwise would have never had in their lives, that is, a sense of belonging, a way to have some education (my parents were low level literacy people; they had a 4th/6th grade education), not to mention life forever in paradise on Earth and the pride/grandiosity that comes from having "the truth". That feeling of relevance is something that kept them in the JWs for their entire lives. I don't think that they would have any of those had it not been for the WT, though I might be wrong. Speaking of which...
The reality is that there's no guarantee that my life as a non-JW would have been good/better. There's no way to know what life would have brought me growing up outside that shield.
Personally I have many reasons to be happy and grateful for a few things that I believe I did right:
- Leaving when I was still young. I send them to the carajo when I was 23, now in my 50s I have a life history that doesn't involve them.
- Not believing what they claimed I was supposed to be/become because I left. That's the worst part of those cults, not only they tell you how you are supposed to be, but they also try to convinced people of the kind of life that awaits them if they leave. I always took that as BS.
- Embracing my JW past. I know that there are instances when I felt it was not appropriate nor in my best interest to disclose my JW past, but I am not ashamed nor embarrassed for it, especially since being a JW was not my choice.
- Letting go. I didn't become vindictive, nor did I become "anti-JW". I decided that I can't care less about what they do or say, for as long as they don't slander me, in which case they I will see them in court. Other than that, I do not care, nor follow, nor react in any way about any change they make, any policy they adopt, nothing. I just can't care less. They can have a drag queen giving the Watchtower study for what I care. That organization is out of my life, period. I know some people are not fond of my "I don't give an eff about today's text" attitude, but I know that for myself that's the right attitude to have, because I really can't care less about them.
- Minimizing influence. I decided to properly educate myself in negative influence, looking for professionals in the matter, reading reliable sources of information, obtaining support from people who know (a) what I'm talking about when I talk about growing up a JW and (b) specialize in this kind of mental health issue. I did that as opposed to looking for the opinion of other people who can only talk about their own experiences (which are not mine) or people who don't have a clue about high demand, controlling groups, shunning and other harmful JW practices. I rely on research, people who have studied these groups at a professional level, and can understand the things that born-ins have to deal because of their negative influence and growing up in a cult.
- Remaining realistic. I acknowledge the effect and influence of that organization in my life, but I also know that I have better choices today.
- Reinforcing my stand and place in relationship with the WT. I always hold my family responsible for their choice of giving the WT more importance than me. I didn't choose to leave, they chose to stay, and therefore, they are the ones who have the responsibility of looking for me, and the ones with the consequences.
The good thing about being aware of the things you mention, stuckinarut2, is that we now have better choices, and we come to appreciate a lot of things that many people take for granted. That makes us special and more appreciative and grateful for the things that we do have, and for the fact that we were able to leave.
