Posts by Unstuck

31

Oh this stoopid shunning thing!!

by Unstuck in

warning - vent ahead....... so, my father (still very much in jw but who has at least had the decency to still keep in contact with me and hubby and to show interest in why we aren't attending and respect where we are at) is in intensive care at a local hospital and is intubated and sedated with some serious health issues.

i'm next of kin so i get all the phone calls from the hospital.. so, the rest of the "family" has cut me off because we are inactive and because the ever-active jw gossip grapevine has rumoured with a sibilant slithy hissy voice: "apossstassssy" is the cause of our inactivity.. whatever.. but now i've had to contact said "family" with the news about my father and what is going on....... so, dad's sisters answer my calls and manage to act and conduct themselves with a degree of decorum.. my sister on the other hand - well, she doesn't deign to answer my calls and texts for most of the day.

i push the issue tonight and insist on speaking to her when my brother-in-law answers the call.

Unstuck

Good point incognito. I would not agree to a dual arrangement. I know that wouldn't work. I suppose I'm feeling that the playing field has changed a bit with me being inactive and maybe all I need is reassurance that he wants me to continue. Years ago, I did have Power of Attorney but that lapsed when they moved to another state. However all of his other documents name me as next of kin so when things happen it's me who gets the calls and who makes the decisions. The time has certainly come to formalise it again and I want to have that discussion when he is well enough to have it

16

1 hour 14 minute ph call from coordinator last night ?

by Chook in

i didn't recognise his number , cordial talk for 2 minutes then what can i say , the chook rose to the occasion.

i will relay main points but the order is not necessarily correct.

he wants to visit with an other elder ( i live in two states 2/3 of time in a new house in their territory, but they don't know address yet ).

Unstuck

Well done Chook! Prouda you! I think we all fantasize about what we would say, given the chance. And you just lived a few of our fantasies!

BTW - I like my roast chook with a good dolloping of gravy and crunchy roast spuds. If you lived our way, we'd put on a Sunday spread for you to celebrate your roasting!!

31

Oh this stoopid shunning thing!!

by Unstuck in

warning - vent ahead....... so, my father (still very much in jw but who has at least had the decency to still keep in contact with me and hubby and to show interest in why we aren't attending and respect where we are at) is in intensive care at a local hospital and is intubated and sedated with some serious health issues.

i'm next of kin so i get all the phone calls from the hospital.. so, the rest of the "family" has cut me off because we are inactive and because the ever-active jw gossip grapevine has rumoured with a sibilant slithy hissy voice: "apossstassssy" is the cause of our inactivity.. whatever.. but now i've had to contact said "family" with the news about my father and what is going on....... so, dad's sisters answer my calls and manage to act and conduct themselves with a degree of decorum.. my sister on the other hand - well, she doesn't deign to answer my calls and texts for most of the day.

i push the issue tonight and insist on speaking to her when my brother-in-law answers the call.

Unstuck

Thanks everybody. I'm feeling the love and understanding from you and I'm horrified at some of your stories. The cruelty is inhumane.

UPDATE - so saw dad tonight. Still intubated and sedated - basically it's a medically induced coma while his body deals with a systemic infection (pancreatitis). I took your advice and have entrenched myself with the medical team (bringing them cake tonight to say thank you for the care they are taking of dad - that always works a treat! Excuse the pun....) I call regularly and will visit each day. Along with the fact that dad assigned me next of kin - which means that if the hospital is going to call anyone, it's me. The nurses told me tonight that my sister had called but that they had to ask her questions to identify her and she hadn't appreciated that (which sounds just like her) so she is getting along fine in building her lovely reputation with the hospital staff.

When dad wakes up and is feeling better and has recovered a bit, I will let him decide what he wants. If he wants me to continue to look after him then I will happily do so but if wants my sister to, then I will respect his decision and stand aside. At the end of the day, it is his call. He can reflect (and I will help him reflect) on all the times that I have assisted and the things that I have done and how little my sister has actually done - and he can make a decision based on that. If my sister really wants to take him on (he ain't the easiest believe me!) then I'm not going to stand in her way! It's about time she actually did something! Even if her motives are a bit skewed....

On another note, I was talking with dad's sister tonight, giving her the update, (another well-entrenched JW) who asked me how things were going with my sister - I said "not so great". She was quiet for a moment and then said that she had spoken with my sister yesterday and so was just going to come out with it. She asked: "Are you disassociated?" I said: "no". She asked: "Are you disfellowshipped?" I said: "no". I stated that I would not act deceitfully with her or any of my family. If either of those things had occurred, I would say so and leave their decisions to them. She said that I had always acted honestly and with integrity with her and she thought that my answers were the case and what she expected I would say. I told her that my status was inactive - I don't go to meeting and I don't go out in field service. She said "that's between you and Jehovah". I said "yes, that's right" and since I think he is an imaginary sky daddy I'm totally fine with that - I didn't say that by the way.

Anyway, I appreciated her honesty in asking me up front. She then told me what I had long suspected. That my sister was using my inactivity as an excuse to treat me the way she was over perceived grievances on her part. (Three years ago I had stoopidly provided my sister with employment. She initially performed well but after 12 months she started to perform poorly and didn't respond to my very delicate promptings to improve. In the end, I had to terminate the contract - yes, yes, I've now learned my lesson, NEVER employ family! But anyway that's all my fault so she is now treating me poorly because she thinks she has a right to because I'm inactive.)

So I'm a bit more at ease tonight. I understand dad's condition a bit more, there is cause for hope but he has a way to go yet. I understand the family a bit better and have had an opportunity to speak for myself for a change versus the rumour mill.

And I can't thank you all enough for your support and taking the time to comment and provide me some words of wisdom - I really am very grateful and hope that one day I can impart something back (wait, that sounds suspiciously like "an interchange of encouragement" or some such nonsense..... :) )

Love and light to all

Unstuck

31

Oh this stoopid shunning thing!!

by Unstuck in

warning - vent ahead....... so, my father (still very much in jw but who has at least had the decency to still keep in contact with me and hubby and to show interest in why we aren't attending and respect where we are at) is in intensive care at a local hospital and is intubated and sedated with some serious health issues.

i'm next of kin so i get all the phone calls from the hospital.. so, the rest of the "family" has cut me off because we are inactive and because the ever-active jw gossip grapevine has rumoured with a sibilant slithy hissy voice: "apossstassssy" is the cause of our inactivity.. whatever.. but now i've had to contact said "family" with the news about my father and what is going on....... so, dad's sisters answer my calls and manage to act and conduct themselves with a degree of decorum.. my sister on the other hand - well, she doesn't deign to answer my calls and texts for most of the day.

i push the issue tonight and insist on speaking to her when my brother-in-law answers the call.

Unstuck

Warning - Vent Ahead......

So, my father (still very much in JW but who has at least had the decency to still keep in contact with me and hubby and to show interest in why we aren't attending and respect where we are at) is in intensive care at a local hospital and is intubated and sedated with some serious health issues. I'm next of kin so I get all the phone calls from the hospital.

So, the rest of the "family" has cut me off because we are inactive and because the ever-active JW gossip grapevine has rumoured with a sibilant slithy hissy voice: "apossstassssy" is the cause of our inactivity.

Whatever.

But now I've had to contact said "family" with the news about my father and what is going on......

So, dad's sisters answer my calls and manage to act and conduct themselves with a degree of decorum.

My sister on the other hand - well, she doesn't deign to answer my calls and texts for most of the day. I push the issue tonight and insist on speaking to her when my brother-in-law answers the call. She gets on the phone with a high and mighty manner, states that she isn't going to accept second hand information from me, and that she is having discussions with the local body of elders from father's congregation to discuss future plans for him - and it's pretty clear that I'm not going to be included nor consulted in these plans.

I then find out from my mother that my sister has said that she won't liaise with me or talk to me because I'm an apostate.

Note for the record: I'm not disassociated nor disfellowshipped and at no time has said sister called me to find out if said rumours are true or how I actually am.

Second note for the record: yes, yes, yes, I technically am (and am quite proud to be) labelled an apostate but I so resent that an apostate (definition: a person who renounces a religious or political belief or principle) should be demonised to such a point that family WON'T TALK TO THEM!! Even in times of family crisis......

BLAH!!! I'm wearing my cranky pants tonight and knew that there was a group of people who would totally get where I am coming from and so I vent this to you, my kindred spirits!

Love and light to all,

Unstuck

46

Believers: How do you know your view of your chosen holy book is the correct one?

by punkofnice in

don't start fighting, darlings.

i am genuinely curious.

after all i was a jobo 50 years and thought the wbt$ was 100% correct.. i ask this because i see that, for example, christian denominations (or whatever), likely have differing interpretations of the same writing.

Unstuck

I used to believe - way too much. I preached from door to door to people of faith (or no-faith) that false religion would be held accountable for deceiving people, not realising that I too was being deceived the whole time.

If there is a God (which I highly doubt now....) he makes it pretty damn impossible to know him and doesn't care if people find him or not - I mean, why all the secrecy!! Can't you just come out and show yourself?? So, I don't think there is much evidence of one.

Which then doesn't say much for his "holy book". And if you start to examine that book critically, you begin to realise that it doesn't matter which holy book you look at or which one you think is correct - because they have one single consistency - they are all MAN MADE. No inspiration, nothing divine, but a heck of a lot of hyposcrisy and contradiction.

No offence intended to any that do believe - I just can't anymore.

65

My Younger Brother Has Left The Witnesses!! :-D

by pale.emperor in

absolutely thrilled to give you the news that my younger brother, a zealous full-time pioneer has left the witnesses!!.

i haven't seen or spoke to him in a year.

i'd lost all contact with him, no facebook, no mobile number, i didn't even know his address because he'd moved house.

Unstuck

Oh Pale Emperor! I couldn't be more delighted for you and your brother!!! I really felt for you when I watched your You-Tube video on how you left the organisation and what the terrible impact had been, loss of family, your child and your wife. The cost is horrendous and your words and thoughts resonated deeply with me. To hear that you are now reconnected with your brother is just the BEST NEWS! I can only imagine the conversations you will have together - the joy that must fill your heart that you can be of assistance to him and show him the kindness that you were deprived of.

There will still be trying times for your brother but what comfort you will bring to him. This has made my day!

Love and light

Unstuck

116

What is behind your choice of forum user name?

by stuckinarut2 in

jw
friends

just curious how we all think.. what prompted or influenced your choice of username for this forum?.

there are some really amazing names, and it would be great to hear the stories behind them.... mine was nothing fancy.

i just felt "stuck in a rut too" along with so many others.

Unstuck

Have to weigh in here - well since stuck is stuck and stuck is my hubby then I can't be Mrs Stuck - I had to be Unstuck.

And I'm feeling more Unstuck and more liberated with every new wonderful day.

Love and light to all 😘

8

Is there Some YouTube shenanigans going on?

by Crazyguy in

i won't name the youtube channels yet but i noticed something while listening to them.

both channels were christian in there title both had a married couple that had both woke up and left.

both first started waking by up when the man out in service came a cross a wonderful christian family and they explained their lives followers of christ and doing missionary work etc.. both couples wanted to pray for or with the jws at their door but it didn't happen.

Unstuck

Crazyguy. I think I have stumbled across one of these because what you describe is exactly the same as what I heard - the couple was American from Texas.

I hadn't thought it suspicious but now that you say there is a second one - and now that I think about it, it did sound a bit staged.

Interesting......

I look forward to seeing other comments.....

23

Will there ever be an apology from GB for going beyond what's written ?

by Chook in

just a simple " we are sorry " .

.

Unstuck

Nup - never be an apology. Because first there would need to be acknowledgment that they had gone beyond what was written. Since that acknowledgement will never happen = no apology

You gotta love humility! Or the lack of it......

49

JW Wife not listening

by rathernotsay in

jw
friends

hey guys, looking for some advice with what to do with my jw wife that is simply ignoring my wishes/demands.

first a little back story, we have been married for 6 years and have 3 children together.

she is a jw, and i am not (nor do i have any religious beliefs).

Unstuck

Hi rathernotsay

I don't envy your position right now and I've just gone back and read your previous posts - I haven't read everyone else's comments on this post so I might overlap or contradict other's comments.

What I can say is that I pioneered (regular when it was 90 hours a month) for ten years, and it is hard work! When I was single it was much easier cos you only have yourself to worry about. But when married (and I was working three days per week to help support us) it was exceedingly hard and I teetered on burn out for the first 18 months of marriage. I was always so tired which made me not much fun to be around!

I can't help but think that your wife is pioneering to try and make up somehow for the mistakes she has made in the past. You might find that she has some deep guilt issues and hasn't forgiven herself for her past actions. I think she is wrong to have not seriously considered the impact of this decision on you, your children and herself. It is going to be tremendously difficult to meet the hourly requirement and yet be a good mother and wife, let alone a sane individual!

So what can you do?

Ok - so here is my disclaimer, I'm not a therapist or counsellor and I certainly don't want to offend in anyway but I want to present something to you, a bit of a devil's advocate thing. And I don't know the dynamics of the relationship you have with her - so again please forgive me if what I suggest is just not going to work for you.

I want you to think about things from her point of view. She's messed up right? And I say that with absolutely no judgement - I want to give her a big hug actually and tell her: "sweetheart, stop whipping yourself!". I might be entirely wrong here but with the history that you have shared with us, I interpret it that she is trying to make herself worthy somehow. And that's messed up. She won't see that of course because she's indoctrinated. But she is being told by the congregation, by the society and the peer pressure around her, that she has to do MORE - in fact, as a JW, you can never do enough, you always have to reach out to do more, sacrifice more, flog yourself harder - and even then, you still can't be said to be doing enough.

So with that in mind rathernotsay, I would recommend that you show love, unconditional love, because she is not getting unconditional love from the JW community. I know that because as soon as you stop giving every drop you have, you start not being on the inside, you start to be judged and regarded as weak and a bad associate. If your wife fails as a pioneer, she is going to feel that and she will need support. I think you will accomplish a lot more by showing love. Speak gently and kindly. She does need to know that she is violating your personal rights by discarding your personal possessions but do so gently, calmly, with love. Statements like: "honey, that item really meant a lot to me and I treasured it. I feel that when you throw that away, what I feel doesn't matter to you. I know that's not true but that's how it makes me feel". I know that is a very female approach - but you're trying to reach a female so use a female approach. Speak the language that us woman do.

The way you both communicate is really important here. It took my hubby and I a good 10 to 12 years to work out our communication style without getting defensive with each other - and that was without the added pressure of raising little ones! But it is possible - a lot of the time you have to let go of the anger and be willing to try and see things from the other persons point of view and appeal to one another without heat.

Alas, I have lots of other thoughts on the subject but I fear I have more than exhausted my allocated time slot! Feel free to PM me if you think I might be of any remote assistance. I would love to help in any way that I can.

Much love & best wishes & hugs to your little ones,

Unstuck