Posts by SamTheGinge

22

Can a Person Resign From Being One of Jehovah’s Witnesses?

by UnshackleTheChains in

how many witnesses are aware that technically, according to watchtower policy, they can if they wish too...associate with dissociated and disfellowshipped relatives.

for all those who are dissociated or disfellowshipped, please share this with your relatives who are currently shunning you.

there is nothing the elders can do as long as they are not discussing spiritual matters.

SamTheGinge

I haven't properly spoken to my Dad for over 12 years now, just the passing comment here and there, since I was Df'd, it's the same situation with a friend of mine. However there is another friend who is also Df'd still has regular with his parents who are still serving Witnesses. I accept my position, the same as I did when I got Df'd, I knew exactly how it would be. The one thing though, that I find unacceptable, is the scenarion above whereby my friend and I are shunned, but another friend of mine isn't with no discernible consequences.

Saying that though my sister, who was born and raised a JW and no longer practices, was never baptised and now celebrates nigh on everything under the sun, is not shunned by my Dad or other Witnesses. I would have thought, though, that someone who's life was spent as Witness and therefore knows the 'rights and wrongs' would be equally as shunned as I?

It's seemingly OK to be brought up as Witness and spend your life being indocrined into the religion so it seeps through your very core, to then turn away and do everything a Witness shouldn't do, and not be shunned because you weren't baptised.

21

My Story

by SamTheGinge in

jw
friends

so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

SamTheGinge

Thanks stuckinarut2,

That's not something I'd ever really considered. I think that where being shunned is so 'normal' to me I just treat is a normal, and I have a "Oh well, that's just the way it is" attitude.

The thing is, I think my Dad would love to talk to me, but he's that entrenched with the JW's that he couldn't bring himself to do it.

If I could leave you with a prime example of what he could be like with me, and this is in no way meant as a slight on him (I still respect him hugely for what he's had to deal with in the past, but that's another story). When my 1st wife left me I was devastated, as you'd expect (both my wife and I were practicing JW's at the time) and she had no scriptural grounds on which to leave i.e I hadn't cheated, I didn't beat her, I didn't gamble or do any other of the so called scriptural reasons that a spouse could leave, so I was in pieces as to what to do next. The Elders were trying to persuade my wife to come back to me, due to the aforementioned reasons, but she was having none of it. So, I turned to the one person who I thought I could get decent advice from, my Dad. I invited him over for a beer and chat (as you do) and I asked him what I could do to sort this mess out, he starts to pull the Bible out and before he could open it I broke down and asked him to help me as a Dad, he told me couldn't do it. The reason? Because he could only talk to me as a Witness, and as an Elder, and that all advice should be directed from the Bible. To give him his credit he looked just as upset as me, because I could see that he wanted to give me his advice, but his conscience wouldn't let him. This was 14 years ago now and I've long since gotten over it, but I do still think of it now and then and realise just what this religion does to families when parents can't give their own advice without it coming from the scriptures.

21

My Story

by SamTheGinge in

jw
friends

so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

SamTheGinge

This ordinarlly would be an issue WingCommander, however, I live some 300 miles away from my Dad and don't see him all that often, In fact I haven't seen him for over 3 years now, so this doesn't represent an immediate problem.

Both myself and my GF have made the decision that our daughter, when she is old enough, will be free to make her choices in life, but until such a time arises we will bring her up as we see fit, as all parents do. My GF has made very clear to my Dad that this is case, and he is big enough, and ugly enough (as the saying goes) to accept this. The great thing about our situation is that he doesn't force anything on either my GF, or daughter. Once we told him the deal, he took it and has respected it thus far. has fully respected it. At the minute he only see photos of her, and communicates via WhatsApp, so there is nothing he can do to force anything either way.

21

My Story

by SamTheGinge in

jw
friends

so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

SamTheGinge

Thanks for the messages and support folks.

I should point out, as I forgot to mention in the OP, that my Dad doesn't yet know that my missus is Wican. Though he is fully aware that she was brought up a Catholic (she made her own spiritual choices quite early), I think she wants to break him in gently before hitting him with it.

Even so, I find it somewhat ironic that he would choose to speak to someone who has zero interest in ever becoming a JW, and has never been one, over his own son who made a choice to not be one, but paid a hefty price for that choice. But, as Sorry pointed out, I am at peace with that though. I knew the minute I got Df'd what the score would be, so it wasn't. and hasn't been, a great surprise. The one thing I will say though is that he does to take a great interest in my youngest daughter who I have with my GF, he asks for pictures and asks my GF how she is doing etc etc, so though he won't speak to me he does still take an interest in my family. I am thankful, and grateful, for that at least.

406

ex-jw-uk

by bigmac in

jw
friends

i'm quite new to this site, & have realised some members have a union jack symbol under their avatar.

i don't.. could we have a "show of hands" from any uk members?

i've already found several by reading older posts..

SamTheGinge

Thanks Stan,

I am a former JW living on the Kent coast, but formerly from South Yorkshire (as you can tell from the avatar).

21

My Story

by SamTheGinge in

jw
friends

so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

SamTheGinge

Also, I should add, we are undecided about a Wiccan wedding. It's something to consider, and if we did decide to do it we have joked about inviting my Dad (bearing in mind that he is still an Elder). I'm not too sure he'd accept though for some reason.

21

My Story

by SamTheGinge in

jw
friends

so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

SamTheGinge

Thanks for the welcome guy's!

It has been quite a roller coaster when I look back it. I'm thankful that I regret nothing and I can learn from my mistakes. Being a JW was a moment in time, and there were some good times for sure.

And pale emperor - Not Lancashire (that's the Dark side of the Pennines!), I was brought up in Yorkshire, but I now live on the Kent coast.

21

My Story

by SamTheGinge in

jw
friends

so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

SamTheGinge

So, I joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at Beth Sarim, and I though that I would share my story with you. It will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.

I was brought up as Witness from the age of 4 years old, My Dad picked up the 'Truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a Ministerial Servant and then an Elder. From a young age I wanted to be like my Dad and become a pioneer, a Ministerial Servant and then an Elder... Perhaps even becoming a CO. The world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

When I hit my mid teens, around 14-15 years old perhaps, I realised that the 'Truth' wasn't all it seemed to be. The talk of the 'End of this System of Things' never seemed to be anything other than 'just around the corner', and I recall thinking that it's a bloody long corner if it's been like that for 80 years or so, as it was at the time. I started to question things, like how did they know this was the one true religion? What made them so special? Still, it didn't stop me from getting baptised at the age of 16 (for the wrong reasons it has to be said) and trying to make a go of it. I auxiliary pioneered in the Summer months, and I would be an attendant at Circuit/District Conventions, if only to scout for a girls, which was the thing to do when you were 18 years old or so.

In the end I landed up getting married for the wrong reasons (typical reasons for young Witness couples), and the marriage, not surprisingly, failed, and I landed up getting divorced (and Df'd) when I met another Witness girl and one thing leading to another. We tried to sort things out and get married, even having two kids together, but, alas, this also failed. I think the fact that she wanted to continue as a Witness and me not having any interest in being one (though I had a few abortive attempts at trying) led to a strain on the relationship. She has since remarried to a nice Witness lad, and I am now very happy (have been for 3 years+ now) in a relationship with a Wiccan of all people! We have a young child together and look forward to a time when we can get married ourselves.

All told, I have been out the 'Truth' for 12 years. I have no contact with my Dad, or former friends, due to being shunned. Do I miss it? No. I don't think I could go back at all now, not even for the sake of having a relationship with my Dad. He does have some form of contact as he speaks to my girlfriend, but I put that down to him wanted to see his grandchildren and find out how I am doing. Maybe one day he too will see the light? Stranger things have happened.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to get it all out there for you guys to look at! Thanks for reading!

41

I don't think I will be able to escape the JWs ...

by nevaagain in

jw
friends

i know i will get a lot of backslash on this forum for saying this, but as it looks like, i won't ever be able to escape the jws.

i have been a born in, third generation jw and awoken in one way or another (i joined this forum 15 years ago) for a very long time.

but i have adapted to the jw lifestyle to a point where it does not bother me anymore.

SamTheGinge

You say you think you can't escape, but how much of it is down to not wanting to? Or being scared of being in the 'World' on your own?

I lived a double life for the best part of 10 years, which included the entirety of my 1st marriage. I used to go out drinking and getting drunk with my other JW friends, I even partook in minor drug taking (just a bit of weed), but never actually took it up as a habit. All of this lead to no more than a stern reprimand from the Elders.

When my 1st marriage ended after just 2 years (I was married at a young age, for the obvious reasons I have to say) I went off the rails a little bit, barely attended any meetings and I certainly didn't go out on Field Service. I would get visits from the Elders to try and set me straight, but I knew it wasn't for me. In the end I moved Towns to try and reignite the desire to be in the Truth. I soon met another young Witness girl, and one thing lead to another, and my double life finally caught me out, I was disfellowshipped. Though I tried to set things straight and got married, I knew that I would be out of the Clan for good, not without a few abortive attempts at trying to get reinstated. My 2nd wife and I got divorced after I realised that I couldn't go back to being a Witness, though she wanted to make a go of it, which she still does and is doing 'well'.

I would urge you to make a choice and stick to it. I have been out if it now for 12 years and I would say that I am happier now. I am with a 'Wordly' girl, and have been for 3 years now. She fully understands my background and history, and she knew enough about the Witnesses before we got together, so that helps when I need to talk about things.... Even though she's actually a Wiccan herself! (the irony eh?).

Do what you think is right for yourself, but being half in and half out is not a good way to live.

14

Why take it personally?

by stuckinarut2 in

jw
friends

a random thought occurred to me today.. i actually feel genuinely sorry for witnesses who cut contact with ones they feel are no longer "spiritual" .. they do this based not on anything that the person has actually done to them personally, but due to an imposed view from the society.. it must play havoc with their inner conscience as they try and reconcile that the person they cut off has not actually done anything to harm them, but they have to view them as evil.. it reminded me of this thread i started some time back.

https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5751633187176448/all-my-friends-organisation.

SamTheGinge

I was brought up as a Witness from the age of 4 years old, right through until I got 'the boot' at the age of 26. I had grown up with people the same age as me and they became very good 'friends', untilt the minute I got disfellowshipped. I haven't spoken to a good majority of those people for over 12 years now, and I don't know how I feel about it. A number of my friends were also disfellowshipped and we have a chat, and a laugh, about the good old days, but do talk about the people that shun us and how it must be awkward for them when they see us in the street, especially given that when we see them we always smile and say hello! In some ways it's quite amusing to see them get so embarrassed and look away not knowing what to do.

I agree that with some people it will play on their minds that they have known you, well in my circumstance, for over 20 years and then all of a sudden they are told to cut you off without even a goodbye. However, there will also be some who will be quite haughty about it and look down on you for no longer being in the 'Truth' and will take some delight in thinking they are better than you. It's all quite sad really.