Posts by Tina

108

My father just beat my brother-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

one more topic.. my wife just called up to tell me that she was over my parents before a doctor's visit, chatting with my mother, when my crazed jw father threw my small 14 year old brother down the stairs and punched him for not wanting to study.. i've been beat, thrown down stairs, had potted plants thrown at me, chased around the house, and such, for not wanting to do the family study.. this is what the "truth" does to people, all you loyal jw's....take note...... (i'm so angry i'm shaking).

ashi.

p.s-my father said he was leaving my mother--oh god, pretty please, you motherf**ker.

Tina

Hi again Wendy,
WHile I don't doubt your experiences, mine are different here.
In my city,would he be arrested tonight? YES.
Worrying about the testifying is really not the point here.
Under the IDVA(Illinois Domestic Violence Act,1982)the police are mandated to arrest the man.Immediately.
They have a uniform intervention strategy with community based orgs. Both public and private.Emergency shelters for them.
This means,they are mandated to take the women and children for med care. And then on to a place of safety,or find such transportation for them. They are able to stay here while the services get going. They are trained to let the woman know she in no way has to stick around.
There is another plan implemented here called secondary housing. Individual apts. that include a structured enviornment of counseling and other supportive services. This for up to 2 yrs.
These shelters do not require an OOP or PR.
Is the liklihood of the child being removed for personal safety slim. NOPE. Happens evryday here till the situation is sorted out.
There are emergency foster care programs,or sometimes relatives.
I've worked as a prevention specialist. And that's what this is all about. Preventing more violence and deaths.
The womans issues ,yes needed. But she won't see the use for them w/o intervention.And her issue isn't primary at this juncture,the childs are.
Again,whatever the scenario,primary issue is the childs safety. Tina

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

108

My father just beat my brother-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

one more topic.. my wife just called up to tell me that she was over my parents before a doctor's visit, chatting with my mother, when my crazed jw father threw my small 14 year old brother down the stairs and punched him for not wanting to study.. i've been beat, thrown down stairs, had potted plants thrown at me, chased around the house, and such, for not wanting to do the family study.. this is what the "truth" does to people, all you loyal jw's....take note...... (i'm so angry i'm shaking).

ashi.

p.s-my father said he was leaving my mother--oh god, pretty please, you motherf**ker.

Tina

great suggestion alamb!
You're so right. If one doesn't feel the moral or ethical obligation to intervene,then by all means,take it to a mandated reporter. let them get the ball rolling.

Another thought here. Plans sound really good. We've designed and implemented them in cases of women and domestic violence. However,the plan design changes when a child becomes the issue. It then becomes incumbant upon intervention. It's been qualified that a spouse abusing a child is more often than not abusing the partner as well. The women are so caught up in the cycle of violence,that they are unable to help the child,let alone themselves. hence,the plan changes for the benefit of the child. becuase someone needs to step in as this childs advocate and protector. more thoughts.T gonna run out of posts,so if I dont respond that's all it is. Have a good night as possible all.luv,T
CALL 1-800-4-A-Child now!
Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

108

My father just beat my brother-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

one more topic.. my wife just called up to tell me that she was over my parents before a doctor's visit, chatting with my mother, when my crazed jw father threw my small 14 year old brother down the stairs and punched him for not wanting to study.. i've been beat, thrown down stairs, had potted plants thrown at me, chased around the house, and such, for not wanting to do the family study.. this is what the "truth" does to people, all you loyal jw's....take note...... (i'm so angry i'm shaking).

ashi.

p.s-my father said he was leaving my mother--oh god, pretty please, you motherf**ker.

Tina

Hi again wendy, I agree,but I wasn't talking about a 24 hr 'solution'. The primary issue here is safety. That nneds to be done now. All the other stuff is secondary to this issue. This is not 'a spat'. I know from writing social service reports,that this intervention is what starts the ball rolling for long term solutions.
The police are the first legal step in this. This intervention which can be kicked to social services is part of the process. Not an easy one,but that's how it often works.
I agree,there is much sadness in these situations. But who is holding that child tonight.? And crying with/for him? Just more thoughts,T

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

108

My father just beat my brother-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

one more topic.. my wife just called up to tell me that she was over my parents before a doctor's visit, chatting with my mother, when my crazed jw father threw my small 14 year old brother down the stairs and punched him for not wanting to study.. i've been beat, thrown down stairs, had potted plants thrown at me, chased around the house, and such, for not wanting to do the family study.. this is what the "truth" does to people, all you loyal jw's....take note...... (i'm so angry i'm shaking).

ashi.

p.s-my father said he was leaving my mother--oh god, pretty please, you motherf**ker.

Tina

Hi wendy,
I am a pro too. But on this one,I have to disagree with you.
I don't view this as jumping the gun. This is about protecting a life. And yes,there are some different stances on this issue.
In the med profession. A doctor and other clinicians are mandated to report this,not later,or after they've thought it thru. But immediately,as soon as suspected. There is a primary issue here. Saftey. The other issues,which are deemed secondary are addressed by social workers etc.
This isn't like an interevention,say for an alcoholic,getting him in treatment. This is an entire family in crisis.Each and eryone one of them must be made aware that this is not accepatble,let alone illegal. Sometimes,this is the catalyst that will cause changes. The family can be monitored,given therapy,learn positve parenting skills from those following the case. Not all kids are immediately taken away. Not all Fathers are made to leave the family unit.
I would tend to err on the side of caution here. Just my thoughts. T

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

108

My father just beat my brother-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

one more topic.. my wife just called up to tell me that she was over my parents before a doctor's visit, chatting with my mother, when my crazed jw father threw my small 14 year old brother down the stairs and punched him for not wanting to study.. i've been beat, thrown down stairs, had potted plants thrown at me, chased around the house, and such, for not wanting to do the family study.. this is what the "truth" does to people, all you loyal jw's....take note...... (i'm so angry i'm shaking).

ashi.

p.s-my father said he was leaving my mother--oh god, pretty please, you motherf**ker.

Tina

Hi waiting!
I'm totally with you here. Don't need to be a pro. to see whats happening here and to act on it. Heck,that's why all the abuse awareness education out there to the public! Just like the poster you described. Things like there are put out for all of us,anyone to show what happens if this is not stopped.
And who knows better than you.You described the cycle perfectly!

Ashi,trust me on this. Everything is NOT ok. alamb also gave you specific pro-active steps to take here. Doesn't the fact that the whole family made a conscious choice to hide this mean something? That is nothing but heinous. Abuse and violence thrive on secrecy. Secrecy is the power that feeeds and fosters this.
Choices in life,especially the important ones are nevr easy ashi.
Ask yourself if family loyalty is worth the violence,the potential fatal outcome. Because this is a sick dysfunctional loyalty. because if that happens,there is no more choice is there? that WILL occur again.........and again..........there's a saying in recovery."we are only as sick as our secrets".

I've been a victim of violence and abuse. Don't let 'flowers' become the last words. T

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

108

My father just beat my brother-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

one more topic.. my wife just called up to tell me that she was over my parents before a doctor's visit, chatting with my mother, when my crazed jw father threw my small 14 year old brother down the stairs and punched him for not wanting to study.. i've been beat, thrown down stairs, had potted plants thrown at me, chased around the house, and such, for not wanting to do the family study.. this is what the "truth" does to people, all you loyal jw's....take note...... (i'm so angry i'm shaking).

ashi.

p.s-my father said he was leaving my mother--oh god, pretty please, you motherf**ker.

Tina

(((((((((ashi)))))))))
IMHO,it's waaaaaaaay overdue for some law enforcement and social service intervention. Please call them!
You stated he's acareer abuser? Well nothing you say or do is going to stop him. All the more reason for intervention if suicidal tendencies are present in the family. This is a family in crisis.
Evryone of them needs some type of intervention from the various agencies. This is not a time to be worried about their 'feelings'. This about stopping the violence that kills!
Only a pro-active approach will work here.
Forget about the cong /elders. This is not their bailiwick. They have no training or skills here. This belongs in the hands of professionals. Let us know what happens.luv,Tina

Ps Rick All it takes is 'suspected' child abuse. being reliable and observing it has nothing to do with filing a report. The laws are clear on this.

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

19

too tired to fight

by Bridgette in

jw
friends

dear friends,.

i will try not to make this a maudlin goodbye.

well, maybe a tad maudlin, but not goodbye .

Tina

(((((((bridgette))))))))
I will miss you and your thoughts. But it is imperative for you and baby that you do whatever it takes to take care of yourself. Our journeys towrd wholeness and wellness do not all go down the same path.
And yes,the horror and pain can be draining and wrack us to the depths of our souls.
Im reminded of this,Nietzsche I think?
""Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into the abyss,the abyss also looks into you".
In pursuing justice for victims,help for those in pain,it's not unusual to feel a bit of 'burn-out'.
I know this happens also to law enforcement,in the medical profession,social workers etc.
Why? because they like many of us are in the front lines,in the thick of it. And if we don't step back,take the time to care for ourselves first,we become unable to help others.
I've felt this both professionally and here at times. Then I know it's time for self-care,regain blalance and perspective.
I wish you strength courage and love in whatever or wherever you journey of help nad justice takes you!
Best wishes for a happy healthy delivery.
Have a wonderful holiday. Enjoy all the good things and opportunities life offers to us. Find the fun things in life.
There is much pain in this world,but also much that can give joy,as sense of accomplishment,and love.
May your path be filled with more smoothness than bumps. love always,tina

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

12

To my friends-

by ashitaka in

jw
friends

i don't want to spam, but i just wanted to post one more topic tonite.

i was reading bridgette's post, and was moved, but not just because of what she said...mommy made a comment about us being friends here, and you know what...i feel that way too.. sometimes, even though i have a wife who left the jw's with me, i feel so damn isolated and alone, that i'm the only strong one among a bunch of children, who all fight and tear at each other....this is one place i feel semi-normal again.. it's so hard to befriend people now.

i have so much trouble talking to people and interacting socially with people, although i've been told i'm agreeable to be around.. i don't know, i'm exhausted from thinking.

Tina

((((((ashi and Mrs.))))))))))))
There is a bonding that happens here. Because who else knows better than another exJW or one who has studied and is familiar with them,what the issues are. The particular pain,mostly policy based by he WTS that we have/are gone thru.

The guy on the street,who has no knowledge of this cult,who's thinking is based on reality,reason and logic,in my experience,can't understand what we are talking about most of the time.
Don't get me wrong,there are some insightful compassionate folks out there. I have met these too. Just really few who can get a grasp on what we went thru.

There is a lot of info out there.But not a lot of it,unless written by a former member) explains the true craziness,the weird nuances.
Many of us come out of the org. w/ social skill deficits. They weren't taught or modeled to us. Especially those who grew up in the cult. But the good news(ack lol) is that can be rectified. Takes time,effort help,courage to take some social risks.
I beleive this is a good place to begin re-learning interacting w/ others. ack,I ramble. I must go find Bridgettes post,she's so insightful.

Just want to say I understand where you're coming from and your feelings Ashi. I'm glad you're hangin around with us,become part of the family here. At the end of the day,it's about people,helping sharing crying laffing fighting together as we try to get on with the business of life. love and hugs to you and Mrs.Tina

Vive Bene
Spesso L'amore
Di Risata Molto!!!

15