TerryWalstrom

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Posts by TerryWalstrom

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  7

  May 1969 :on a highway, somewhere this side of a life unlived

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  may 1969. i didn't know i was in trouble.now, years later, i suddenly do see it.. we're not talking drugs.

  i never did drugs.

  ever.nothing is worse than stone cold sober.what i did was more destructive: i had mainlined on god.a weird brand of god: jehovah god.. i was shredded and unaware.

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  TerryWalstrom

  Thank you.
  
  This crap never goes away... memories.
  
  Almost every scrap of the Old Light (which was our only light at the time) has become buried and covered over like a cat's bowel droppings. And for THAT stink we were so willing to die? What sort of idiot was I?
  I think the term is: "useful idiot."
  
  Well, useful to THEM no longer, for sure. I've done my very best to be rabid dog bite on their sorry butts.
  
  It took me 40 years to get around to writing my prison story in my first book:
  I Wept by the Rivers of Babylon (A Prisoner of Conscience in a Time of War".
  I just didn't want to feel any of those old feelings until then.
  
  But...come back they do. Every...once...and awhile.
  
  
  
• 
  7

  May 1969 :on a highway, somewhere this side of a life unlived

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  may 1969. i didn't know i was in trouble.now, years later, i suddenly do see it.. we're not talking drugs.

  i never did drugs.

  ever.nothing is worse than stone cold sober.what i did was more destructive: i had mainlined on god.a weird brand of god: jehovah god.. i was shredded and unaware.

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• 

  TerryWalstrom

  MAY 1969

  I didn't know I was in trouble.
  Now, years later, I suddenly do see it.

  We're not talking drugs. I never did drugs. Any. Ever.
  Nothing is worse than stone cold sober.
  What I did was more destructive: I had mainlined on GOD.
  A weird brand of God: Jehovah God.

  I was shredded and unaware. If you'd asked me (the day I climbed into the car and stepped hard on the pedal) how I was doing...?
  I guess I'd have said, "Great."
  I really thought so. And didn't think so. Both at the same time.
  Furious anger boiled inside. Unknown. How is THAT possible?

  ____
  It was mid-afternoon. A hard rain had come to stay. The freeway glistened slick and sloshy as cars whooshed and slushed along, tires hissing off a hot Texas highway.

  My speedometer bragged up to a boastful 140. Somehow, I got it into my head..."Let's just see..."
  ___
  What was going on inside my thoughts? Was I feeling bad?
  Nah. I wasn't feeling anything.
  I stomped down and pushed my leg straight into a winding roar of horsepower and sheer determination.

  The previous owner of the ugly Plymouth Fury (fury=anger)
  said it was a 383 cubic-inch eight-cylinder engine. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. No Daddy--no car savvy.
  It takes years to learn.
  Now I do know. Zero to sixty in seven and half seconds! That's what an engine that size really means.

  I was fresh out of Federal Prison. A Jehovah's Witness.
  22 years old. Mind splintered from two years of hard education inside. Totally clueless why I was in a Fury with a fury inside of me.
  ___
  The highway blazed by in a long stretch of damp, blurry accelerated images flickering and flashing in my peripheral vision.
  Pure... Exhilaration! That's what was going on--I was trying to get some feeling back and it was starting to happen. Yeah. I could FEEL IT HAPPENING.

  Being numb kept me alive those two years behind bars. It was survival mode. Hunker down. Pray. Fold up your feelings and keep moving.
  Like jumping into river rapids...carried along in the white water. Dangerous.
  Too dangerous to fight my way out.
  Hanging on for dear life, hope was a raft...only a possibility.
  Toward a mystery date of release.
  A solemn and mysterious secret held by a Parole Board.

  Twice per year, I performed an "audition" for unsmiling assholes.
  I flunked 3 times. Smartass. Couldn't keep my damn mouth shut.
  ____
  I sunk into warp drive and felt my body push back against the seat
  (no seat belts back then) and then my heart began pounding like rock n' roll.
  Fast. Faster. Fastest? There was no "fastest"--that magnificent motor kept winding and purring like a giant turbine at Niagra Falls--exploding with preposterous energy...enough to light a metroplex.

  I didn't know three things all at the same moment.
  I was:
  1. Angry
  2. Numb
  3. Desperate
  I swear to you: I thought I was okay.

  I didn't know I was in trouble. Like I said at the start.
  Now I know.
  I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning with my heart pounding...remembering that drive...that plunge into the abyss.

  I can see the image inside my brain: incredible speed gathering under me, gliding on slick asphalt, passing dozens of cars on the left and right.
  Woosh. Woosh. Woosh!

  I wasn't married. Still a virgin. I hadn't begun to live life. But I couldn't see a tomorrow I wanted to own.
  I felt trapped--WAS TRAPPED inside a cult---not even knowing it was a cult.

  1969

  Something snapped--like waking up to the sound of thunder inside a nightmare. I pulled my foot up. The speedometer was screaming "135" on that stretch of the glistening void between life and death. Straightaway I awoke to white-hot consciousness in a Plymouth Fury on my way to a funeral of my own reckoning.

  The speed shifted downward like a musical dimenuendo...flowing like honey on toast..creeping away from madness toward hope and possibility on the other side of the storm. 130...120...100...70...

  My body convulsed sharply at a stab of consciousness of what I had done!
  I suddenly pulled to the shoulder of the road and braked hard.
  Heart pounding in my chest. Mad thoughts --a spooked flock of birds frightened from a lake by the sound of gunfire.

  I awoke sitting up this morning on my bed...49 years afterward. It was anger at myself. That's what. I had done myself in before I ever sat down inside that car on a rainy afternoon. I had chosen it all--everything--so utterly stupid, naive, trusting and blind.

  I could see the faces of my children and grandchildren smiling at me.

  "If you had died--we would never have lived."

  There's plenty of life left for a 22-year-old.
  It was my business now to see for myself how I could possibly make it. Back to normal.
  It would be another 5 years of struggling inside a cult before a glimmer of "wake up" began to form. Slow. Slowly. One foot in front of the other.
  
  Instead of a dead JW on a highway, somewhere this side of a life unlived.
  
  “My God--what have I done?”
  ________
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRHVMi3LxZE
• 
  10

  How do we Avoid...becoming Intellectually Dishonest?

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  intellectual honesty: "i am willing to be wrong when facts go against cherished beliefs.".

  are you willing to be wrong?.

  without a willingness to be wrong (who can always be right?

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  TerryWalstrom

  
  In MY lifetime the mechanism of skilled argument on a doorstep vanished.
  The GB made the Bros and Sis's tuck tail and slink away.
  Why?
  Their own history is so damning the Theocratic Ministry School was shut down.
  
  I grew up at a time in which the Watchtower religion was actually using the so-called Theocratic Ministry School to hone rebuttal skills, point by point.
  We practiced endlessly overcoming objections.
  We were T2 Terminators.
  The PRE-internet days made this possible.
  We were sent out into neighborhoods like gunslingers with a fast draw.
  Our green Bible was the six-shooter with a greased holster.
  
  My best buddy (who drew me into this cult) impressed me with his debating skills.
  He had (seemingly) all the answers with a practised flip-flip-flip of the onion skin pages of his NWT.
  Nobody could stand up to a well-indoctrinated JW Brother.
  
  Only disaffected and disgruntled writers (often backed up by some evangelical publishing money) seemed to write anti-Witness expose's. Few people encountered out in door to door service had any knowledge of these "apostate" books.
  
  As JW's, we were allowed to read these books (30 Years a Watchtower Slave) and nit-pick false facts/errors in order to dismiss the author as EVIL SLAVES.
  
  Back then--it was mano a mano. A fair fight.
  
  The WorldWideWeb has destroyed the pretense of superiority.
  There is NO HIGHGROUND left for JW debate of "facts" or doctrine.
  
  Watchtower world destroys its own credibility by a lengthy history of wrong wrong wrong predictions and failures, frequent changes of mind and deafness to consistency.
  
  Witnesses today who know nothing about the pre-1980 religion of Watchtower efficiency in a debate have sought the last refuge of cowardice: High-handed summary dismissal of opponents as 'mentally-disease.'
  End the argument before the argument begins.
  
  There is nothing to know. Only garbage to believe.
  There are no points of debate only loyalty to the slave.
  
  I have seen this with my own eyes:
  The transformation into a cold, mindless CULT.
  
  
  
  
  
• 
  10

  How do we Avoid...becoming Intellectually Dishonest?

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  intellectual honesty: "i am willing to be wrong when facts go against cherished beliefs.".

  are you willing to be wrong?.

  without a willingness to be wrong (who can always be right?

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  TerryWalstrom

  INTELLECTUAL HONESTY:
  "I am willing to be wrong when facts go against cherished beliefs."

  ARE YOU WILLING TO BE WRONG?

  Without a willingness to be wrong (who can always be right?) no room for personal growth is possible.

  You can't know what you don't allow yourself to see.

  MAN'S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IS PROGRESS THROUGH SELF-EXAMINATION

  

  1. LISTEN TO PEOPLE with whom you disagree.
  Really listen.
  Why? Because you were once a Jehovah's Witness and had all the answers and you were dead wrong.
  You tuned out what others said when they objected to your certainty.
  WHAT IF YOU HAD DONE YOUR OPPOSITION RESEARCH with an OPEN MIND?
  
  Still-in JW's refuse to hear what opposers say by becoming automatically contemptuous and suspicious. We cannot afford to be deaf, blind and stupid the second time. You have nothing to lose but your smug complacency by listening to your opponents.

  2. TEST YOUR SOURCES.
  When we were Jehovah's Witnesses we thought the Bible (and ultimately, Jehovah) was our source of knowledge, truth, and wisdom.
  WE WERE WRONG!
  It was all coming from FALSE PROPHETS pretending to channel Truth from heaven. Had we listened to CRITICAL ANALYSIS by mainstream Bible Scholars (instead of letting the GB do it for us) we'd quickly have become alert to many problems with authenticity in the scriptures themselves.
  A red flag wake-up call!
  

  3. BECOME A RATIONAL, NON-CYNICAL SKEPTIC.
  As Jehovah's Witnesses, we sneered at human society except for the New World society.
  Why?
  JW's are taught to be untrusting, suspicious, dark-minded and smug.
  However, a rational thinker looks for data, facts, and solutions from testable and peer-reviewed sources without bias.

  4. STUDY CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECTS by reading opposites sides of the debate.
  Jehovah's Witnesses reading and viewing material is highly censored.
  The label of "worldly" poisons research.
  Independent thinking is forbidden.
  Without any testing counter-arguments, Jw's become vulnerable to emotional manipulation.
  Quotations published in JW reading materials are heavily filtered, clipped and rendered corrupt so contrary viewpoints by neutral authorities will not reach us with potency.
  When we study any topic, we need to know what opponents set forward, to examine the data set, and become aware of any weakness on BOTH sides of issues.

  5. SELF-AWARENESS of your limits.
  Face the fact you are flawed, subjective, ill-informed, unskilled and over-confident while at the same time thinking you are objective, intelligent, and smarter than most others.
  THAT'S HUMAN NATURE.
  Get over yourself! As Jehovah's Witnesses, we considered ourselves as sharp, quick-minded experts on absolute truth. We were dead wrong!
  But old habits die hard.
  Cultivate humility to be aware of just how dumb being a JW has made you!
  Without humility no persona can learn. Your opinion is important to YOU but everybody else thinks you're an idiot.
  They are probably partially right some of the time

  6. LEAVE ROOM FOR DOUBT.
  Have you ever met a JW Elder who left any room for doubt that what he was saying was the be-all and end-all of knowledge?
  Weren't you that way at one time?
  Next time you offer an opinion, try ending your sentence with room for doubt.
  "Your mileage may vary, of course" is a phrase I try to cultivate.
  Invite others to sharpen your remarks with additional and perhaps more accurate commentary.
  "That's my view--where am I going wrong?"
  If you cocksure--you shut out the opportunity to receive correction from smarter people.
  Doubt your facts and you'll seldom end up wrong.
  If you are skilled at debate it is an especially easy trap to fall into sounding like you are an encyclopedia of wisdom when actually you're only a deft counterpuncher.
  
  I personally have struggled with my "know-it-all" sounding tone from day one. The tremendous JW feeling of being ABSOLUTELY INFORMED is a tough (bad) habit to expunge. Feeling "right" is no guarantee of anything.

  
  7. Differentiate between HOPE and FAITH and you'll avoid ignorance and heartbreak.
  Hope offers a positive and confident mental attitude which reassures an outcome leaving room for the possibility things won't turn out.
  Faith fosters a delusional dependence on wishful thinking which can destroy you when it falls apart.
  As Jehovah's Witnesses, we discovered this in 1975!
  
  Read the following quotation. Gasp at the insanity of what is being offered to millions of Jehovah's Witnesses looking forward to 1975.

  
  

  8. AVOID PERSONAL ATTACKS and rely on facts.
  Jehovah's Witness' first line of defense against their enemies is to label them "mentally diseased", wicked, Satanic, worldly and Apostate.
  Instead of rationally listing objections and methodically offering counter-proofs, the Governing Body exposes themselves as weak, dishonest and tyrannical.
  
  If you are on the side of genuine truth, you should be able to defeat wrong statements with sources factually accurate.
  
  You know an opponent is out of ammunition as soon as they revert to name-calling.
  
  A dishonest debate is the attempt to shut down two-way discourse by a pejorative label. Look for the word "ridiculous" because it can often reveal an empty rebuttal.

  9. LOGIC is essentially a test of NON-CONTRADICTION.
  Jehovah's Witness Truth is crippled by constantly changing absolutes.
  "New LIght" means the "Old Light" was mistaken.
  Drunks, the Blind, and lost campers are in good company with the Governing Body.
  
  Science is provisional as it constantly seeks tests of the falsifiable principle. For a theory to be "scientific" it must provide a means of being demonstrated false.
  "All Swans are White" is disproved by even one Black Swan.
  
  Jehovah's Witness' doctrine has been erased and redrafted WITHOUT ANY MEMBERS being provided information why it was wrong.
  Definite statements have been contradicted by non-events predicted yet never coming to pass.
  "Because we say so" and "Just Trust Us" and "Remain Loyal" are slogans used as the smokescreen to hide how dead wrong Watchtower "Truth" always is in the long run.

  ________________

  Having no clear view of alternatives, Jehovah's Witnesses are blinded.
  A smug, self-assured attitude has made them closed off to the possibility of being self-deceived.
  Refusing to open themselves up to the possibility of being wrong, they refuse to self-examine for intellectual dishonesty.
  
  Members of this religion end up very depressed, nervous, fearful and blocked from their human potential to lead healthy and happy lives in mainstream society.
  
  No progress is possible for JW's until they become humble enough to admit to being wrong when the facts go against them.
  
  As stated in the outset:
  

  INTELLECTUAL HONESTY:
  "I am willing to be wrong when facts go against cherished beliefs."

  ARE YOU WILLING TO BE WRONG?
• 
  10

  Apparently, I'm (NOT) famous!

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  starbucks conversation today.... "oh my god!

  i recognize you!

  "you-you're graham somebody...air supply...the tall one.

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  TerryWalstrom

  Starbucks conversation today...

  "Oh my god! I recognize you!"
  
  I looked around.
  Who was it talking? And who were they talking to?

  "You-you're Graham somebody...AIR SUPPLY...the tall one."
  
  Two men were pointing at me. Each took a turn "recognizing" me.

  "Say wuh?" I responded articulately.

  "My god--you guys were our favorites! Sorry, can't think of the last name. It's Graham something or something Graham."

  I was bewildered but not struck dumb.
  
  "Telly Graham, perhaps?"

  "No. No, that's doesn't sound right."
  _____
  What else could I do but play along?
  "Well Billy Graham just died--so that can't be me."

  "Hitchcock? No--that's the other guy. I know it's Graham something or something Graham."

  I shrugged.
  "Let me go look it up on Google." I offered generously.
  I did.
  They were right!
  It was me!
  "Graham Russell?"

  They lept jubilantly at this as though I'd won the Gold in South Korea.

  "Yessss! Oh, this is so exciting!"

  I nodded: "For me as well!"

  For the next five or ten minutes, all three of us reminisced about Air Supply and what a fine job I'd done.

  I discovered I'd been in Jesus Christ Superstar as well!
  What an illustrious career I uncovered in the course of their bubbling admirations.

  "What in the world are you doing HERE of all place?"

  I pouted my lips and scratched my head pondering the imponderable.

  "Think of it this way: everybody--no matter who they are--has to be someplace. Right? Well--I'm here."

  This struck them as sensible and their enthusiastic nodding continued way longer than necessary.

  "Can we buy your drink for you?"

  "Yes! I definitely think that you should."

  And they did.

  Glad I could make their day.
  ______
  THE REAL ME at my daughter's graduation
  
  
  ( the tall one on the right is the FAMOUS not me.)
  _______________
  
  
  
• 
  8

  I Got a Response from the Washington Post (JW article)

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  dear terry,.

  thank you very much for your note.

  i really appreciate all the information you provided on jehovah’s witnesses and the personal experiences you shared in this email.

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  TerryWalstrom

  Thanks for the suggestions and all the positive comments.
  I really think even the tiniest pro-active effort any of us makes can start a ripple which may lead to a wave.
  
  
• 
  8

  I Got a Response from the Washington Post (JW article)

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  dear terry,.

  thank you very much for your note.

  i really appreciate all the information you provided on jehovah’s witnesses and the personal experiences you shared in this email.

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  TerryWalstrom

  I keep my eyes open for "positive" stories about the JW's which--likely as not--are often crafted by their own hands Not in this instance (I don't think.)
  If I can, I do try to include something other than sour grapes in the form of data.
  After all, opinion counts for little.
  Above all, if a writer for any publication says anything Pro WT, you can fairly bet the GB will pump it through the propaganda machine for all it's worth.
• 
  8

  I Got a Response from the Washington Post (JW article)

  by TerryWalstrom in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  dear terry,.

  thank you very much for your note.

  i really appreciate all the information you provided on jehovah’s witnesses and the personal experiences you shared in this email.

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  TerryWalstrom

  Dear Terry,

  Thank you very much for your note. I really appreciate all the information you provided on Jehovah’s Witnesses and the personal experiences you shared in this email. In the podcast episode, I tried to convey primarily the history of Supreme Court cases and the broader effects they had on First Amendment law—not any endorsement or value judgement of the religious organization itself. But I do greatly appreciate this firsthand knowledge and context. It means a lot to me that you took the time to reach out and share all these details.

  Thanks again,

  Lillian

  --

  Lillian Cunningham

  The Washington Post
  __________________________
  Below is the email I sent to the author of a Washington Post article on JW's and the 1st amendment.
  _________________________
  (Transcript of trial: https://archive.org/details/WalshTrial [l.facebook.com])

  I would argue the actions of Jehovah's Witnesses against their own interests, and the interests of their local community, as well as nationally, were coerced by fear of excommunication in extremis, or at least insidiously coaxed into their beliefs through loyalty and disinformation.

  What is my interest in all of this?
  I served time in Federal prison from 1967-69 as a 'neutral' Jehovah's Witness as a result of a conviction for violation of the Universal Military Training and Service Act.
  I was privately counseled by my congregation leaders not to accept alternative civilian service. I was further counseled not to reveal I had been influenced in any way by other than my own conscience. This same deliberately invisible influence was carried out as coordinated policy nationwide.

  During the Vietnam war, 5,000 draft-age men turned in their draft cards rather than be conscripted. These were protests. 200,000 men were accused by the Federal Government of being Draft Offenders. 25,000 were indicted. Out of the 25,000, only 8,750 were convicted. Out of the 8,750 who were convicted, only 4,000 were imprisoned. Most of these, with some exceptions, were young men--Jehovah's Witnesses, like myself, who surrendered our loyalty to an organization and its leaders claiming to speak on behalf of the only true God.

  Five years before my appearance before a draft board, the Watchtower Society had quietly and unceremoniously changed the official interpretation of Romans 13: 1,2 rather quietly, flip-flopping back to the traditional plain reading Christendom had held for two thousand years!

  In fact, JW texts I was operating from had not been updated to include this change. I found out the hard way!
  The Watchtower headquarters would not provide me with a membership card nor a letter attesting to my ministerial status. I later found out this was only provided in special cases where a "special Pioneer" was involved who spent 100 to 150 hours monthly knocking doors.

  I had the legal right to serve alternate service working in a hospital--had it not been for the private counsel of my JW elders in strict accord with their covert (by this time) policies on Christian neutrality.

  This policy too, like the previous Romans 13: 1, 2 policy, reversed many years later. Apparently, the malleable nature of Watchtower ‘truth’ repudiates its value as the divine mind channeled by an Almighty.

  First Amendment champions? I think not!

  This religion is fraudulent in premise and has a historical track record of trampling on human rights.
  (Please read how JW's allow sexual abuse of children to flourish:
  https://www.theguardian.com/…/jehovahs-witnesses-did-not-pr… [l.facebook.com])
• 
  41

  Who deserves the title of king of apostasy ?

  by Chook in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i think this would be a noble endeavour..

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  TerryWalstrom

  John Redwood
  Richard Kelly
  Randy Watters
  The above for wide-ranging influence over a number of years.
  We never know what seed planted in a conversation will blossom in someone's heart into a portal to freedom.
  So, every one of us can be that "king/queen" for a day.
• 
  105

  Another School Shooting: The Gun Violence/Mental Illness Debate Continues

  by jp1692 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  in the aftermath of the valentine's day school shooting in florida, i have read quite a number of articles, blogs and posts about the event.

  it is disturbing--and i think inexcusable--that many people take the opportunity to use horrible tragedies such as this to push their own particular agenda.. in particularly insensitive and tone-deaf tweet, conservative political commentator tomi lahren wrote: "can the left let the families grieve for even 24 hours before they push their anti-gun and anti-gunowner agenda?

  my goodness.

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  TerryWalstrom

  Stars explode, volcanos erupt, Tsunamis wipe out islands, parasites infect drinking water, mosquitos bring disease, and microscopic creatures are everywhere outside and INSIDE of us using us for their food!
  
  
  2 out of every 100 people on Earth are Psychopaths. A fact. Deal with it or ignore it--it remains with us.
  
  Mental health statistics demonstrate that babies born to mothers who've taken certain drugs and lived certain lifestyles are HIGHLY susceptible to defects including chaotic brain development.
  That's not a BLAME, btw. It is merely an isolated fact on a long list. Deal with it or ignore it--it remains with us.
  
  America has written into law ownership of firearms and the result is about 12 million guns are sold each year. Deal with it or ignore it--it remains with us.
  
  50% of children come from divorced parents making it statistically more likely for those kids to have health problems, social problems, mental health problems, and incarceration.
  Deal with it or ignore it--it remains with us.
  
  Our problem REALLY IS GUNS-- but not guns alone.
  Both sides of political issues need to be opening their eyes on this.
  
  To wit:
  
  Can we stop divorce? No.
  Can we stop alcohol and drug abuse by parents? No.
  Can we stop the sale of guns? No.
  
  What HUMANITARIAN steps can our government/society take which is, above all, EFFECTIVE?
  
  Can we end child poverty and give free mental health assistance to all Americans? YES!
  Can we provide higher minimum wages? YES!
  Can we provide free education to our kids? YES!
  
  BUT NOT by spending Billions on never-ending senseless WARS!
  We all know that.
  BUT OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS WON'T STOP wasting tax money
  on weapons.
  Trump is said to be a madman and yet Democrats voted for an EXTRA one hundred sixty BILLION dollars on top of the seven hundred billion Trump asked for!
  
  

  America dropped 26,171 bombs in 2016 under President Obama. 7 countries.
  
  Under Trump, the United States has dropped about 20,650 bombs through July 31, or 80 percent the number dropped under Obama for the entirety of 2016.
  
  

  Did you vote for these wars? No. Are they even Legal? Not really.
  
  We are left with what we Do do: rant ineffectively.
  I plead guilty as charged.