Posts by EdenOne

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

It has nothing to do with headship or cuckolding. Simply, she, like most sincere Witnesses, allows her indoctrination to dictate her priorities in life. It's a sad fact, but I don't need to read more into it than what it really is.

Eden

9

Court Partially Reverses Judgment in Church Molestation Suit

by defender of truth in

court partially reverses judgment in church molestation suit.

panel says jehovahs witnesses had no duty to warn congregants, but should have kept known molester away from children.

by kenneth ofgang, staff writer.

EdenOne

It's a complicated affair to narrow down the "clergy-penitent" privilege to the catholic concept of confession. Other religious denominations may disagree that this only involves one clergy member, for example.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

I'll just be focusing in improving my own life, enjoy my hobbies and my business, and being as happy as I possibly can, all the while providing my family with good times whenever possible. My child is now getting ready to go to university and is getting amazingly good at one hobby, coming out of a dark time of adolescence and blossoming to become a great person, one I'm really proud of. I'm sure I did some good by not allowing the Watchtower to suck up another life.

And yes, now it's all easy-going love bombing, but soon the demands for her time, do more, the never-ending hamster wheel, the gossip, the double-faced and fake friendships will take a toll on her. And it will be the same old, same old. And I hope that she'll be very uncomfortable with the nonsense that is spewed from the platform every so often, after knowing what she knows already. And I'll try to be here for my wife, in time, when she comes around again.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

my wife has always been my tie to a social life.

Ha, that also resonates a lot with me. I'm not indifferent to social life, but I'm comfortable in small numbers and with parcimony. In a way it also hurts that she goes back to her instant, ready-made friends, while I'm left to build new relationships when I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to making new friendships.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

It's hard to imagine what more can I do for her to be a great husband. I've always been this way, and part of the problem is that she takes me absolutely for granted, that, no matter what, I'll stick by her side. I could see it was a shock for her when I told her that another betrayal ( read: spying on me and report to the elders ) would terminate our marriage. I think she took it to heart, but in this fallback it's unpredictable how she will behave.

In any case, 6 pages of encouragement! I'm humbled by your kind support and will never forget that you were here for me when I most needed. Thank you so much.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

It's emotional, alright. No rationalism or logic or evidence in the world is going to persuade someone emotionally attatched to the Organization, to the brethren, to the social aspects of the congregation routines. The break in the emotional bond is a breakthrough, and it offers a narrow window of opportunity for TTATT work its wonder. After that, the emotional pull returns and the window of opportunity closes.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

Alive! Welcome to this forum, btw, and thank you.

And my heartfelt thank you for everyone who posted, your input is very important. I'm also ecouraged to see that my experience is motivating some readers to step up and sign up. Thank you.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

JimmyPage, I get your point of view, but knowing my wife, any opposition, or giving her a hard time, or a cold shoulder only reinforces her determination to seek solace within the cult. Sure, it would rub on her insecurities, but then the risk is to endanger her mental health, and that I don't wish not even to my worst foe.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

OneEyedJoe: If you're cold her choice is between a superficially warm cult and a cold husband and that's an easy choice.

This is one excellent point. I need to work on overcoming my depressive mood and bitterness and get back on track to my music composing and to make new friends. A bit hard for me, because deep inside, I'm a bit of an introvert, but it's doable.

Eden

91

Setback

by EdenOne in

i saw this coming since my mother-in-law's funeral .... the congregation's "love-bombing" over my wife had its impact.

i watched her drawing closer and closer to her friends in the congregation.

then she decided she would attend the memorial.

EdenOne

Steve2, for what is worth our marriage spans over two decades already, and we were typical JW, married our first boyfriend/girlfriend. My wife always more entrenched than I ever was (RP for many years) but I did just enough to go up the ladder up to the point I was an elder doing relevant parts in CCs. There was always something I couldn't put my finger on that didn't resonate with me, but naturally, the guilt of displeasing Jehovah and the fear of Armageddon haunted me. Plus, I was entirely convinced we had "the truth" or very close to that. Although my wife constantly pushed me to take the lead and do more, I always took my own pace and never was in the mood to kiss a** to progress. We were popular in our congregation and always kept a youthful mood that attracted both young and old. And my wife has a smile and laugh to die for :)

We have been a good match, we were lucky, I guess. Then the mental health of my wife had a major issue as she began to deal with severe bipolar disorder, and I became her caretaker. For nearly eight years we went through hell with suicide attempts, confinements to mental hospitals etc. I've put up with a lot of crappy times and stood right there with her and helped her see through until she has reached stability. We accomodated to a slower-paced JW lifestyle, I quit being an Elder and went to be an MS, and things were in a gentle pace. Until I began to investigate TTATT. She felt something was wrong with me because I started to be critical of the Organization here and there, not nodding to everything said from the platform, until one day she picked up an article I had writted about some doctrine and took it to the Elders. I had told her that she had a choice before her, and to chose carefully. She chose to take it to the elders on my back, in hopes that she was "saving me". Perhaps, but she also did it because she was spiteful that our child quit going to the meetings and blamed me for being the evil apostate that did it. She even told me that if there was a burning hell, I surely deserved to be sent there.

This led me to a trialing time with the elders, and a veritable whitch hunt. All through the process my wife could see that I was being treated unfairly by the elders, and she felt for the first time what is it to not have freedom of thought and freedom of expression within the congregation. It came to a head when, one insomiac night, she found out online material about the child abuse scandals and Barbara Anderson's website. Overnight, she told me that she decided to stop going to the meetings and no longer wanted to be a Jehovah's Witness. I felt overjoyed. Naturally, her decision caused havoc on her side of the family and the elders decided it was time to form a JC on grounds of apostasy. I started a cold war on social media, letting the congregation members know that I was going to be trialed on a JC and, and hinting what the reason was. The pressure I put on and the fierce defense I put up on the JC (I managed to force the COBE, who was leading the witch hunt to stay out of my JC) and I ended up being only "publicly reproached". From then on, I stopped attending meetings, so did my wife, who, by then, took my side and supported me through and through. When we stopped going to meetings we both felt the atrocious shadow of shunning haunting us.

However, things between us were better than ever. We were both experiencing a feeling of liberation and freedom that was full of promise for the future. We drew plans for what to do when we were successfully fading, we discussed openly TTATT, it was great, and our child came out of a very dark period of adoslescence and started blossoming again.

Until her mother died. The funeral service brought us back in contact with the congregation and everyone was nice to both of us, but the lovebombing on her (as daughter) was very intense. I know for a fact that many thought that she was under my evil control. As for me, rumors that I went apostate abounded, so there was a bit of distance, but overall, I was given a decently warm welcome. However, I've noticed how the love bombing impacted my wife and from that day on, she drew closer to the old friends in the congregation and slowly started to distance herself from me. In a couple of months, the turnaround was complete. I can see she's conflicted, she's depressive, despite claiming to feel good about going back. She sees how hurt I feel for her choice, but she can also be very determined. And again, to my sadness, I realize that our marriage comes second to her faith. But, don't all good witnesses get indoctrinated that way? What's new...

I'm coming to that age when you start making decisions for the second half of your adult life. Do I really want to waste my remaining years of healthy adult life in this religiously divided household, looking over my shoulder, sleeping with one that may at any given moment beeing spying on me to inform others, and feeling left as a second choice in life? I don't deserve that, I think. Neither does she deserve to feel like she's stuck living with a demon. Not that I ever noticed she ever looking over the fence. On the other hand, we love each other and it would be a darn shame to lose this marriage.

It's just utterly frustrating. Sorry for venting.

Eden