how many out here know a loved one or know of someone who suffers from depression and it is from being in the borg and never feel you are doing enough.
my ex wife would always lapse into a few month state of depression right after a visit from the c/o and getting pounded on about f/s hours or not enough studies or not enough pioneers yadda yadda yadda.
i know with my ex that the constant fear of armageddon and feeling inadequate was a depression trigger ready to be pulled at any instant.
Not sure just where the scripture was but it went along the lines of...
"You must be perfect because your father in the heavens is perfect."
You must be...But you can't be.....But you must be....But you can't be....But you must be....But.........I just can't imagine how anyone can be depressed with that sort of logic guiding you.
ok with the death of nina simone today at 70, i got to thinking about other great artists who have died.
many would say elvis, but he wouldn't feature if i had to pick just 3. mine would go something like this.
3. tammy wynette (stand by your man was a song that'll always remind me of my grandad who died 10 years ago, always makes me smile and remember him, and her collaboration with the klf circa 1992. justified and ancient.
The one that hit me hardest was Stevie Ray Vaughan. I guess that's because unlike so many others that crashed and burned, from all accounts he actually turned his life around.
Brian Jones. So influential in the early stoneage but so messed up.
Keith 'the Loon' Moon. Ah, the stories.
Bonzo. Ah, the beats.
Keith Richard(s). Garage band riffmaster. Not quite dead yet but who can tell.
today is easter sunday, my younger kids went with cousins to hunt for eggs.
i saw many people out and about in their sunday finest with family going to church......... i go to the grocery store in my hooter's tshirt......... i know it takes time after leaving the borg to find your place,,,,,,,,,but i am wondering if i will ever feel differently than i do now?
i can't put my true heart into celebrating xmas, or easter,,,,,,these religious holidays mean nothing to me.
It still amazes me to come on here and see that there are so many of us that feel so similar. What struck me was Dede's comment about things feeling so surreal. Ditto here. I feel completely disconnected from virtually everything. Even from one moment to the next there is often no continuity, just going through the motions on autopilot and feeling like I have no control over anything.
For me, unlike so many of you, I never was the perfect witness. Never wanted to be. Rather, I was forced into the acting the role but from such a young age that all the conditioning is deeply imbeded (like one of Pavlov's Witnesses as it were). So, I too can't fit in anywhere. There's simply no real connection and any 'friendships' I have are ....oh, wait, I don't HAVE any friendships anymore! Not even the superficial ones....I digress....Even at the Dallas apostafest there were many I wanted to meet but I'm not too good in social situations so I let opportunities slip away, not knowing what to say other than 'Hi'.
So I guess I just wanted to say I feel a lot of what you all feel and just hope that life gets better for you all in whatever direction you go.
well like i say, just got back from the memorial, have been going most years, but this year i went by chance (knew it was roughly at 7pm at the nearest kh) to my old congregation that i grew up in.
i didn't find the "evil" people spoke of here on this forum, or those too stupid to see.
all i did see was people i hadn't seen in years, and let me tell you, what lovely people they were.
As this is the only memorial related topic I seen when I came on I'll post my ramblings here.
I haven't been to a memorial in some 15 years. Don't plan on going to anymore either. I doubt that the routine has changed all that much. Passed the local hall (Irving,Tx - on Rock Island Rd) on my way home from visiting a friend in the hospital. The road in front of the hall was a clogged with those leaving and a long line of cars just showing up (two memorial times? or men picking up their wives after the big shew?). Ah, the big shew. That's what memorial is you know. All love and kindness and put on a big show. That's not to say that some of the kind emotions and words are not genuine. I think they are. It's just shall we say more allowable during the big night. Recruitment night in a sense. Bring your studies and all those prodigal would-be apostates. Drag 'em all down to the hall for a yearly reunion. We'll show 'em good lovin'. (smiley go here)
As I said, I was out during the evening but when I got home I had a message from an old friend in Ohio. He went to the memorial at his old hall (his yearly due). Said they got mixed up on which song to play and after a couple or three tries had to forgo the song due to time restrictions. Must be them longer prayers I heard tell of.
ba-deeea ba-deeea that's all folks
not that scary yet....... .
ok, this is scarier...... .
this is really really scary....
got legs all the way up to her.......
So much for the "seen and not heard" theroy, the sum of which is.....
A friends grand-daughter was constantly badgering her mom to buy her the movie "Booty and the Pwiest" and the little girl could not understand the laughter. :)
i woke up with my heart racing this morning.
i had an awful dream that i had gone home to visit my parents and that everybody in my former cong came bye to say hi.
in my dream, all the men had on suits and all the women had on floral dresses.
The oddest dream I can remember having was about a year or so ago. Someone woke me up from a dream and then a bit later I woke up. Couldn't get over the fact that I had been dreaming that I was dreaming! lol Absolutely true. Must've seen an old Dallas episode or something.
he's actually 41 today!!!.
happy birthday trucker!.
englishman.
Just another of the Dallas folk here wishing you a Happy B-Day Rich!!!
And many, many more - so you can keep getting bigger, bigger toys!
omg, how horrible is this:.
you know when you have a certain tune in your head, and you just can't figure out which one it is?
well, i just figured mine out, its "hey daar al gij dorstigen, komt en drink het levenswater vrij".
OK, I only read through about half of the posts (till I got to the "stand for prayer" part actually) but I'll give you my secret for getting it out of your head or at least making it more tolerable in a funny sort of way.
I vaugely remember this tune (#114) but when I saw the lyrics a worldly oldie came instantly to mind. So, try singing this one to the tune of "Georgy Girl" by the Seekers. Kind of fits :)
"Hey there all you thirstyyyyyy ones, come and drink life's water free. Yes, come drink you thirstyyyyy onesssssss, God's loving kindness seeeeeee."
i woke up with my heart racing this morning.
i had an awful dream that i had gone home to visit my parents and that everybody in my former cong came bye to say hi.
in my dream, all the men had on suits and all the women had on floral dresses.
I used to have nightmares about the Big A too. The worst was being at home and here came the military by ground and by air to "get us" for being witnesses. Persecuted even in dreams and I wasn't even a teenager yet. It was all very vivid and I doubt I'll ever forget it. Sad thing is that this wasn't a result of some "demonic movie" or some such nonsense but rather straight out of the WT publications. Having nightmares because of a movie can be put into perspective because you would expect to be calmed and told "it's not real". But when "the truth" affects you that way and you're told it IS real and WILL happen...
No wonder I can't cope with life. That much I've always known but only in the last couple of years or so am I understanding the reasons and realizing that there are just so many of us out there.
