Posts by magotan

94

Not sure what to do next

by magotan in

jw
friends

i'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.

i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.

i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.

magotan

I was reading the WT on the platform last week....took all I could not to stop mid sentence saying "F*** This S***" and walk off the platform.

94

Not sure what to do next

by magotan in

jw
friends

i'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.

i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.

i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.

magotan

There's a lot of repressed emotions that I have only lately been dealing with. JW's encourage repression instead of actually dealing with things.

They view homosexuality as disgusting. I hear all the time family members use derogatory slang against gay people. I remember one time where I lost it on my mother, when she called me a faggot. I'd like to think I have let it go, but every now and again it comes up and stings.

94

Not sure what to do next

by magotan in

jw
friends

i'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.

i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.

i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.

magotan

"Fading" doesn't seem possible, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without people keeping tabs on me. Not only that, but a lot of doctrine and attitudes actually sicken and disgust me. I'm already taking a lot of flack for going to college locally. I'm a Junior in college (thanks to an advanced HS program) so hopefully I should be done in the next 2 years or so. (yes, people tried to persuade me to not finish) A guy I grew up with (also 19) got appointed as an MS, and the comparisons have started. I have no desire to Pioneer, and the time games they play are dishonest.

Moving out doesn't seem possible either, although I can afford it, I would never get my parents blessing.

Disassociating myself would give me the freedom, but my family would hate me. I've also gotten the gist that my dad would have to step down as an Elder. My brother couldn't change congregations while living at home; dad would have had to step down.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

--------

I talked to a couple LGBT groups in my area, I got invited to a PFLAG meeting, and I have a counseling session in about a week.

94

Not sure what to do next

by magotan in

jw
friends

i'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.

i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.

i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.

magotan

I'm 19, and I'm still currently a JW. I guess I'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it. I've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part. All of my immediate family are JW's, and my brother and father are Elders. I have had doubts about my faith since I was 10-11, but I thought that maybe deeper research would cure me of these doubts. Instead, they've intensified. Since I was 15, I have been going to meetings and literally telling myself "OK, now don't poke holes. That isn't nice or proper of you". I'm tired of feeling this way. Every question is greeted with a circular answer, or a cop out excuse. Every action is examined closely - no matter whether there was an alterior motive or not.

I am gay. I know many people here aren't accepting of this, but I am not looking for your acceptance, but moreso your understanding.

My personal experiences with the WT and my sexuality are conflicting, illogical and flat out cruel and hateful. Words cannot describe how much I hate the artcile on JW.org about 'avoiding homosexuality'. I don't understand how the branch can be so willfully ignorant and hateful saying absurd things as "Masturbation leads to homosexuality" or degrading things such as equating homosexuality to pedophelia. The WT says they aren't homophobic, but with attitudes and information like this, how are they not? How come when I express feelings to the brothers about 'getting better' (hah!) I'm viewed as a spiritually weak pariah? Why is the fact that I disagree and think being gay isn't a choice, I'm viewed as an apostate? They juxtapose gender identity, masculinity, and sexuality with intercourse. So many JW's use very unkind expressions and words about gays, it frustrates, saddens and sickens me. I have prayed so hard to god to help me with this "sin" - only to be rewarded with a sickening sense of low self worth because you like the same sex and there's no way to stop. Homosexuality is defined as being attracted to one of the same sex. How do I avoid this? It makes no sense! They say 'it's OK to be gay' - sort of (You can have homosexual 'urges' so long as you don't act upon them) but not only do you have to walk around self loathing and unhappy, but you can be disfellowshipped for talking about how you feel about a person or your sexuality (something you expressed in your videos). It makes no sense. I'm "allowed" to have these feelings, but when I want to acknowledge them (not act on them, there's a difference) there's something seriously wrong? I personally remember a recent CO saying "In my day, they stayed IN the closet!"
I remember a close friend of the family say that skinny jeans for men are a ploy of Satan, because they look 'gay', and because of this the Devil is laughing at them.

You do not understand how depressing this is - I literally wanted to kill myself. I thought how easy it would be, maybe some morbid hope that I would be 'fixed' in the new system (another doctrine that makes little sense and flys in the face of logic and science). You don't understand why people keep asking "when are you getting married" or "don't you think sister so and so is cute?" and you have no attraction to them.

When I was in school, I went to school with a few other JW kids. I always felt like I was being spied on because they thought I was too 'worldly' even though I really didn't do anything. I didn't have sex, I wasn't hanging around kids outside of school, nothing.

Well, somehow, (still not sure where this came from) two of the witness kids told my dad that they "Saw" me go in to the bathroom at school to have sex with another man. Keep in mind my dad is an Elder.

For starters at first I was mortified, how someone I trusted could tell such a boldfaced lie; if it was a rumour, or even if you had seen me screwing some dude with your own two eyes, why didn't you ask me about it?

fter I (of course) denied it, the next conversation still makes me saddened and irritated

They talked about my sexuality. They asked me if I wanted to be gay (and of course, I said no), then they read some scriptures about what the bible says about Homosexuality. Of course, they harped on how 'disgusting' it is, and they even went on to explain how 'homosexuals' have intercourse (I was 16 at the time....how sex happens was not a new) I hated myself. I thought I was disgusting. They told me that homosexuals 'act a certain way' (a statement that didn't sit well with my mother) and because they think I have tendencies towards 'acting that way' I need to change my ways to not 'act that way'. Ain't that some shit? I feel as if why do I have these urges? Why do I exist only to be hated by god? Why do you go out of your way to let me know that I will be 'destroyed' at Armageddon?

I started doing research, and praying, but it doesn't really actually help. The praying instills a sense of inadequacy when you still persist in these feelings after you pray earnestly for those feelings to leave. The research is circular and woefully stereotypical and slanted - they confuse sexuality, gender identity, masculinity/femininity, and intercourse so many times. They insinuate that because you're gay, you want to be a woman.

I have never wanted to be a woman.

To top it off, two elders took a screenshot of my Youtube page (not this one, and the other one I had didn't even have any videos uploaded). I had watched a video in my history that had Harry Potter in it, and the channel's name was "Faggotron".

I actually laughed that time, but they were dead serious. They actually thought I was gay and into witchcraft.

Then, people spied on my Facebook, I had a joke picrture of me in a wig (the wig is backwards) of course - "How does that look to the outside world?" "Doesn't that make you look....that way (gay)"?

There's so much more I can go on about.

I want to leave, but I don't know how. I have a decent job, but because moving out is strongly discouraged, I fear I will have to DA - and lose everyone I know will never talk to me again.

15

One Simple Question

by magotan in

if we are to serve jehovah because of 'selflessness' and because 'love him' and not because of 'what he does for us', how is the 'promise of the paradise' not selfish?

the faith hinges on it!.

this has bothered me for a long, long time..

magotan

No, I had feelings like this far before I ventured onto any of these "Apostate" websites. I'm only 19, but ever since I was 12 or 13, it never made sense. I felt bad, because everytime I'd try and think critically about my faith, it would unravel. I thought it was something I had done, or something I was doing wrong.

27

Why Are District Conventions Becoming Shorter?

by Quendi in

jw
friends

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magotan

They're still three days, but I've noticed that the Circuit Assemblies (the last one, to be precise) was exceptionally succinct. The whole program is shorter by about 30-40 mins.

44

Annoying 2/15 WT - Don't Be Stumbled- your Mind Just Misunderstands !

by flipper in

jw
friends

another wt article which causes jw's to doubt their own perceptions of reality.

) in this particular article titled " for those loving jehovah, " there is no stumbling block " - the wt society stoops to new, or rather re-hashed lows to insinuate that most if not all jw's really misunderstand causes of stumbling as it's just their minds that are imperfect, messed up, or gone entirely anyway.

the first abhorrent bit of information here describes a witness man who " fought " with feelings of being homosexual and of course the elders thought they had the perfect antidote to keep him from his alleged " abnormal " desires.

magotan

I have always found the phrase "homosexual tendencies" to be insulting.

15

One Simple Question

by magotan in

if we are to serve jehovah because of 'selflessness' and because 'love him' and not because of 'what he does for us', how is the 'promise of the paradise' not selfish?

the faith hinges on it!.

this has bothered me for a long, long time..

magotan

Holy hell, I thought I was the only one who thought this way. :P

20

My friend's conversation with a JW about me! Lol!

by TimothyT in

one of my old friends from work, who i used to have lots of spiritual conversations with, messaged me on facebook before and told me how he had a call from the jws this morning.

here is our conversation from facebook when he told me what happened:.

my friend: any way funny thing today, some jehovos came to me door and we were having a chat and i told them i didnt agree with their religion saying i was biased because i had a friend who used to be one and was kicked out for being gay and how could they preach like love etc and be so discriminative and then said they would know you mentioned your name and he did know you, and has even been on holiday with you in the past.

magotan

Tim, your story is pretty inspiring, I'm 19 and gay and feel/felt and see/seen the same things you do/did.

Thanks for sharing.

15

One Simple Question

by magotan in

if we are to serve jehovah because of 'selflessness' and because 'love him' and not because of 'what he does for us', how is the 'promise of the paradise' not selfish?

the faith hinges on it!.

this has bothered me for a long, long time..

magotan

If we are to serve Jehovah because of 'selflessness' and because 'love him' and not because of 'what he does for us', how is the 'Promise of the Paradise' NOT selfish? The faith hinges on it!

This has bothered me for a long, long time.