I have a bit of a gameplan, but it has been an emotional see-saw for me for the past few weeks. I logically accept what's going on, but emotionally I'm still not quite there.
magotan
JoinedPosts by magotan
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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magotan
I've given myself six months (before the DC of this year) to get out. If I can get my car paid off by then, I will be gone.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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magotan
I've had some serious issues about my faith for quite some time
- The hex put on higher education. I go to a congregation where we typically are poorer, my family likely being the poorest. I am watching kids come out of HS with no employable skills and viewing college as the evilist of all places to go. ANd when their life sucks, of course it's "Satan's system"
-They put a hex on anything they don't like; but they do it under the guise of spirituality. They have an attitude of "It's your personal choice" (to choose to not do it) (Blood is a good example, entertainment is another)
- The often circumvent and dance around issues that sound suspect to those outside (and inside) the faith. Last week's talk no 2 is a good example. The sisters doing the part started out talking about why the householder thought it was odd that she didn't pray with her. They use some scriputural BS, but the real reason is because the JW's don't feel you're qualified to talk to God, because you're not a JW.
-They use emotional bullying tactics to get members to do certain things - ex; not buying a house, or car, or getting married (singleness is the best way of life!), or having children (you can have children in the new system - they'll be perfect!)
- They guilt trip the shit out of people who don't agree. Disagreement is badged as a lack of understanding and faith. Lack of understanding and faith = you are doing something wrong.
- Appointments are done by 'holy spirit' but at the same time they harp more on the 'qualifications' than the 'spirit'.
- The hope for the Paradise IMO is borderline unhealthy - many JW's don't actually deal with death properly. "Oh she'll be awake on the other side! And we can tell her all she's missed!"
- They treat non JW's with contempt.(this has never sat well with me, ever) Any non JW will stab you in the back and kill you.
- Anything you personally do is insiginificant. Anything the WT does is great and grandiose and deserving of praise.
- a bit of a pet peeve, but they talk in phrases. "Anointed". "Food at the proper time". "Make time for the More Important Things", "Spiritual Banquet of Well-oiled dishes", many, many more.
- the timeline for Noah's Ark makes no physical sense, and the WT's explination is an affront to my intelligence.
- Too many young people rush into marriage purely on sexual fantasy. When those sexual fantasys evaporate, they're left in an empty marriage. And of course, the 'older men' critcize the young couple on getting married for sex.
- I hate the term murmuring.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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magotan
Honestly, I'd be enthralled if they found out.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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magotan
I had'nt done and research untik fairly recently. I typed in 'gay jehovahs witness' in google and I came cross (John?) from australias story. I thought it would be a terrible story, but i identified with it nearly totally.
I would try and think critically about my faith, and it would unravel.
Also,im in thr USA, in Ohio,actually.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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magotan
I was reading the WT on the platform last week....took all I could not to stop mid sentence saying "F*** This S***" and walk off the platform.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
-
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magotan
There's a lot of repressed emotions that I have only lately been dealing with. JW's encourage repression instead of actually dealing with things.
They view homosexuality as disgusting. I hear all the time family members use derogatory slang against gay people. I remember one time where I lost it on my mother, when she called me a faggot. I'd like to think I have let it go, but every now and again it comes up and stings.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
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magotan
"Fading" doesn't seem possible, I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without people keeping tabs on me. Not only that, but a lot of doctrine and attitudes actually sicken and disgust me. I'm already taking a lot of flack for going to college locally. I'm a Junior in college (thanks to an advanced HS program) so hopefully I should be done in the next 2 years or so. (yes, people tried to persuade me to not finish) A guy I grew up with (also 19) got appointed as an MS, and the comparisons have started. I have no desire to Pioneer, and the time games they play are dishonest.
Moving out doesn't seem possible either, although I can afford it, I would never get my parents blessing.
Disassociating myself would give me the freedom, but my family would hate me. I've also gotten the gist that my dad would have to step down as an Elder. My brother couldn't change congregations while living at home; dad would have had to step down.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
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I talked to a couple LGBT groups in my area, I got invited to a PFLAG meeting, and I have a counseling session in about a week.
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94
Not sure what to do next
by magotan ini'm 19, and i'm still currently a jw.
i guess i'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it.
i've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part.
-
-
magotan
I'm 19, and I'm still currently a JW. I guess I'm a born-in, or whatever you guys call it. I've had some serious issues with the faith at the moment, and sexuality is a huge part. All of my immediate family are JW's, and my brother and father are Elders. I have had doubts about my faith since I was 10-11, but I thought that maybe deeper research would cure me of these doubts. Instead, they've intensified. Since I was 15, I have been going to meetings and literally telling myself "OK, now don't poke holes. That isn't nice or proper of you". I'm tired of feeling this way. Every question is greeted with a circular answer, or a cop out excuse. Every action is examined closely - no matter whether there was an alterior motive or not.
I am gay. I know many people here aren't accepting of this, but I am not looking for your acceptance, but moreso your understanding.
My personal experiences with the WT and my sexuality are conflicting, illogical and flat out cruel and hateful. Words cannot describe how much I hate the artcile on JW.org about 'avoiding homosexuality'. I don't understand how the branch can be so willfully ignorant and hateful saying absurd things as "Masturbation leads to homosexuality" or degrading things such as equating homosexuality to pedophelia. The WT says they aren't homophobic, but with attitudes and information like this, how are they not? How come when I express feelings to the brothers about 'getting better' (hah!) I'm viewed as a spiritually weak pariah? Why is the fact that I disagree and think being gay isn't a choice, I'm viewed as an apostate? They juxtapose gender identity, masculinity, and sexuality with intercourse. So many JW's use very unkind expressions and words about gays, it frustrates, saddens and sickens me. I have prayed so hard to god to help me with this "sin" - only to be rewarded with a sickening sense of low self worth because you like the same sex and there's no way to stop. Homosexuality is defined as being attracted to one of the same sex. How do I avoid this? It makes no sense! They say 'it's OK to be gay' - sort of (You can have homosexual 'urges' so long as you don't act upon them) but not only do you have to walk around self loathing and unhappy, but you can be disfellowshipped for talking about how you feel about a person or your sexuality (something you expressed in your videos). It makes no sense. I'm "allowed" to have these feelings, but when I want to acknowledge them (not act on them, there's a difference) there's something seriously wrong? I personally remember a recent CO saying "In my day, they stayed IN the closet!"
I remember a close friend of the family say that skinny jeans for men are a ploy of Satan, because they look 'gay', and because of this the Devil is laughing at them.You do not understand how depressing this is - I literally wanted to kill myself. I thought how easy it would be, maybe some morbid hope that I would be 'fixed' in the new system (another doctrine that makes little sense and flys in the face of logic and science). You don't understand why people keep asking "when are you getting married" or "don't you think sister so and so is cute?" and you have no attraction to them.
When I was in school, I went to school with a few other JW kids. I always felt like I was being spied on because they thought I was too 'worldly' even though I really didn't do anything. I didn't have sex, I wasn't hanging around kids outside of school, nothing.
Well, somehow, (still not sure where this came from) two of the witness kids told my dad that they "Saw" me go in to the bathroom at school to have sex with another man. Keep in mind my dad is an Elder.
For starters at first I was mortified, how someone I trusted could tell such a boldfaced lie; if it was a rumour, or even if you had seen me screwing some dude with your own two eyes, why didn't you ask me about it?fter I (of course) denied it, the next conversation still makes me saddened and irritated
They talked about my sexuality. They asked me if I wanted to be gay (and of course, I said no), then they read some scriptures about what the bible says about Homosexuality. Of course, they harped on how 'disgusting' it is, and they even went on to explain how 'homosexuals' have intercourse (I was 16 at the time....how sex happens was not a new) I hated myself. I thought I was disgusting. They told me that homosexuals 'act a certain way' (a statement that didn't sit well with my mother) and because they think I have tendencies towards 'acting that way' I need to change my ways to not 'act that way'. Ain't that some shit? I feel as if why do I have these urges? Why do I exist only to be hated by god? Why do you go out of your way to let me know that I will be 'destroyed' at Armageddon?
I started doing research, and praying, but it doesn't really actually help. The praying instills a sense of inadequacy when you still persist in these feelings after you pray earnestly for those feelings to leave. The research is circular and woefully stereotypical and slanted - they confuse sexuality, gender identity, masculinity/femininity, and intercourse so many times. They insinuate that because you're gay, you want to be a woman.
I have never wanted to be a woman.
To top it off, two elders took a screenshot of my Youtube page (not this one, and the other one I had didn't even have any videos uploaded). I had watched a video in my history that had Harry Potter in it, and the channel's name was "Faggotron".
I actually laughed that time, but they were dead serious. They actually thought I was gay and into witchcraft.
Then, people spied on my Facebook, I had a joke picrture of me in a wig (the wig is backwards) of course - "How does that look to the outside world?" "Doesn't that make you look....that way (gay)"?There's so much more I can go on about.
I want to leave, but I don't know how. I have a decent job, but because moving out is strongly discouraged, I fear I will have to DA - and lose everyone I know will never talk to me again.
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15
One Simple Question
by magotan inif we are to serve jehovah because of 'selflessness' and because 'love him' and not because of 'what he does for us', how is the 'promise of the paradise' not selfish?
the faith hinges on it!.
this has bothered me for a long, long time..
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magotan
No, I had feelings like this far before I ventured onto any of these "Apostate" websites. I'm only 19, but ever since I was 12 or 13, it never made sense. I felt bad, because everytime I'd try and think critically about my faith, it would unravel. I thought it was something I had done, or something I was doing wrong.