Posts by lriddle80

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

I am thankful for the relationship I am building with my biological father who left when I was 4 months old. I got in touch with him when I was about 26. It's been sporadic over the years. I saw him and his wife and my half sister yesterday and he used to be a jw, so he understands what I am going through. I am thankful I still have some family. So, I should stop whining about what I don't have. Also, again, thanks for listening and putting up with my narcissism. :)

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

I also wanted to add that growing up the way I did with 4 dad's, I needed some counseling, but never got help. I was a nightmare of a teenager and was very rebellious to my family in the form of not doing what they asked of me and being very sarcastic which I thought was funny. After maturing and getting saved I saw how horrible I had been to my family and everyone, really. I tried to show my family over and over again that I was sorry. I have helped them out financially and with food and supported them to make up for how I had hurt them. I have to realize that I did all I could to show them I have repented of who I was as a child, and I understand that I would have been different had I gotten help then. I have gotten counseling and feel like I am in a good place mentally. I have hope and peace and if my family can not see that and choose to reject me based on false ideas, that's their responsibility, as someone here said. It sucks, though.

88

For any that still believe in God and Jesus, what is your reasoning on this matter?

by BourneIdentity in

in the old testament, god was always full of anger and jealousy resulting in the murder of millions of people.

we’re told jesus perfectly reflects his fathers qualities.

why in the new testament does jesus show no hint of anger and jealousy and wanting to kill people?

lriddle80

:)

Ok, ok, my official response is:

I don't know why innocent babies are killed.

I do know God is good.

And I apologise if I have offended anyone!

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

When I initially left, it was in the form of marrying a worldly guy that I knew for 4 months that I met at the mall - age 19. Then I was so angry at the control of my family and religion that we basically moved away and didn't tell anyone where we were. After a year or so, after drug use and drinking, I started to make my way back as this guy and I were breaking up. He was a just a vehicle to escape. I really hated the drug lifestyle. Went to a few meetings here and there. I was going to move back home, but my dad said I better not bring anything in the house, like drugs. I was expecting a prodigal son return and didn't get that, so I didn't go home. I met another guy and became pregnant after a year and a half. My mom was married 4 times, so I vowed that whomever I had a kid with, I would stay with that person. Well one day jw came knocking and I tried to go back. The elder said we either had to get married or break up. But I couldn't do that because of my vow. So, I walked away. Years later some people bought us groceries when the economy tanked and then invited us to their church. I heard about Jesus, got saved, repented, etc. I told my parents and got the you are worshipping Satan rhetoric. I was shunned for a while, but they still talked to me over the years. My dad love bombed my husband (he would ignore me, though). My husband thought that going to the memorial was a way to respect my dad and placate my family. I was against it, but my family would love bomb me there and it was nice to get the love, albeit it was to manipulate me. Then this last memorial is the one where the elder that called met me and then started asking my family about me and my mom told him I was going to a church and celebrating Christmas. When the elder called I should have just hung up, but my pride was so high against jw that I wanted to show him I had the actual truth and I wanted to stand up to him. Now my family is shunning me. I have taken some time to think about it and my husband and I had a big conversation about it. I made my decision to stand up to the elder and I have to live with the consequences. I got to say goodbye to my family and maybe they will come around like they did in the past or maybe not. What I really want is to not be a jw and have a relationship with my family. But this doesn't exist. I am leaving it in God's hands and moving on with my life. My family were barely in my life anyway, so I just had to grieve a little and now I have peace about it. Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond. I really like how my life has played out and my husband says I should be glad I escaped, and I am!

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

Man, I do struggle with narcissism, so I get what you are saying! You nailed it! I hear you!! Thanks for telling me those hard truths!

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

Thanks!! I think you are right about that! I will.

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

I see what you mean about how it looks. My husband said something similar.

Honestly, it's a "I am not dead!!!!" Kind of feeling.

I am railing against their cruelty in my mind. I am angry.

Ok, I guess I might stop texting her and let her feel it for a while. I have to forgive all of them for this shunning. I will just work on that for a while! It is what it is.

Jesus said if I try to hold onto my life I will lose it.

Thanks for letting me see that side of things!!

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

So, I am a believer in Jesus alone for salvation. So, I just tried to stress to her that if she is trusting in Christ alone for salvation, not an organization...then by all means be a Jehovah's witness. Her whole life is tied up in it. I am just worried she isn't really saved because the organization puts themselves in an elevated status. I want to believe she is saved because she believes in Jesus as the ransom. I just know the whole Jesus alone is in the Bible. And I personally believe in the trinity, which took me over 10 years to finally admit. Once I couldn't deny it any longer. But I don't really know if that is necessary for salvation. I hope it's like horseshoes in her case - close enough!

(I know a lot of you don't believe in anything and that's your path, but just speaking about what I believe in this situation.)

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

I was faded for about 10 years. My mom shared the website constantly over the last few years. The whole come back to Jehovah rhetoric.

We had 2 other epic conversations in the past year. 1 about the trinity. Another just about what I believe. Then the last one.

The problem was my husband felt we should placate my family by going to the memorial every year. He felt it was right and this last one the new head elder talked to me and then my mom told on me and gave him my number.

I know I should have just told him I had to get off the phone, but I have been dreaming of the day I would go head to head with an elder and like I said I had just finished reading 1984, and my son was listening, so I was feeling like a warrior. I didn't stop to think of my family, I just wanted to be bold for Christ.

I don't regret it. I am dealing with the consequences, but I believe it makes sense in the story of my life.

This was inevitable, in my mind.

24

My family

by lriddle80 in

i just wanted to get some feedback.

i don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

anyway, i think i am disfellowshipped or about to be.

lriddle80

The elders know I am celebrating Christmas and going to a church because my mom told them and I admitted it, too, because I am not ashamed. They told me I wouldn't be df'd as long as I repented and I brazenly said I had nothing to repent of since I am not doing anything wrong. The guy actually said that Jehovah will not bless me if I went to another church and I told him that was a lie because I am being blessed daily.

And at the time of the conversation, I had just finished reading 1984 and was in a crusade kind of emotion and my son was listening. I told them I would come to their judicial committee, but that I would be bringing my own committee. But after talking to my mom about it, I told her I would ignore their phone calls and letter. I watched a few hidden judicial things on YouTube and those brothers didn't care about truth, only following their rule book, so I am not going. Though it's not because I am scared.

My mom told me i could put in my letter, but I said she is still required to shun me and she said , "oh yeah, that's true" She was trying to find another way, but there isn't one.

I got to talk to her for almost 2 hours on the phone and we looked up scriptures and spoke at length of Jesus. I told her all my stories of working in ministries, answers to prayer, everything. At the end, I asked her "does it sound like I have a relationship with God"? And she said it did sound like it. She said no matter what happens, she loves me.

I will text her as long as i feel I want to. Part of me wants to give up, but part of me says don't give up yet.

Thanks for listening!!