my best suggestion wud be to not focus on any type of spirituality at this point until you have had some time to cleanse yourself at least somewhat of the mental conditioning recieved from the organization. I came from 17 years of programming and when I got cut loose I went through multple stages of finding out who I was WITHOUT any type of spirituality or religious suggestion. I have now, 11 years later found that I am now beginning to achieve the smallest level of trust for ANY religous figures. It takes time. This is just MY two cents..take it for what it's worth...
Posts by zanex
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12confused
by free will ini'm a newbie who has recently admitted to myself that 'the truth' isn't the truth.
i'm struggling with my new found freedom.
i don't know what truths i should believe anymore.
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6
Freewriting
by zanex ini am just feeling somewhat poetic for some reason...bear with me.. i love my parents.
yet will never be there, be true.
there is a wall between us.
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zanex
Brummie: i read what you wrote...very very good. I like it a lot. I felt it...it is odd to make such a similar connection with someone that I have never met...jw's scar deep no matter who or what you came from. Hmmm kind of ironic that the mental lashing we all took as members of the borg became the uniting factor...;)
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6
Freewriting
by zanex ini am just feeling somewhat poetic for some reason...bear with me.. i love my parents.
yet will never be there, be true.
there is a wall between us.
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zanex
musky:thanx..things are ok I just get occasional reminders of how much I lost when I left the org. Even if it was only 3 people it just happened to be the most important 3 people of my life. Oh well...things are ok though I just had to get that off my chest. A gift? It's possible but I would gladly give it up to have those 3 people back. I will never have them back though and if this gift can help anyone else then it has been worth it.
kat_newmas: It is a story shared by all of us that have gone through the organization and gone out with family members left behind. I wonder if it is not the cruelest "truth" that we learn in the TROOF. ;)
brummie: yeah..it IS a learned behaviour..I just sometimes wish that I had never learned it. This has been very theraputic for me actually...I like this forum to express this type of sentiment on for I feel that I am actually hearing from people that can relate.
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6
Freewriting
by zanex ini am just feeling somewhat poetic for some reason...bear with me.. i love my parents.
yet will never be there, be true.
there is a wall between us.
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zanex
I am just feeling somewhat poetic for some reason...bear with me.
I love my parents
Yet will never be there, be true
there is a wall between us
something old, large and uncool
I love my dad
yet he will never see me as equal or right
there is a barrier that blocks us
there will NEVER be clear sight
I love my mom
yet will never feel her arms as they once felt
the feeling she HAD she HAS restraints upon
my faith in them melts
I love my sister
yet she follows my parents road
we have contact and talk about our work
no REAL emotion, she does as she is told
It is a hardship for me
and the end I cannot see
I have lost those most closest to me
for a "truth" that set me free...
I see my daughters face now...
I see the love and the emotion that I now grasp
I do envy her her parents
for the love that MY own parents had for me didnt last...
Sorry this is kinda down...been in touch with my parents lately and it never seems to fail that I feel worse when I am in contact with them. Oh well..no biggie....just had to get this out...
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6
Daughter's bday!
by zanex intmw is my little girls birthday!!!
me and her mom are gonna have a bday party for her tmw!
i am way stoked!
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zanex
the party went AWESOME! I think for the first time in my whole life I started to REALLY understand what birthdays were all about. I got LOTS of pix but I am still tryin to figure out how to hook up the digital camera to my gfriends puter to download em but promise as soon as I get it all done I will post the pix. The look on my daughters face after every box or present was just absolutely priceless. It was funny before she ever opened any of them she organized them into a nice little pile of presents that SHE had organized. It cracked me up. The ex was civil and suprisingly nice to my current gfriend-even gave her a hug after the party was done! All in all i think that it went very VERY well...I was EXHAUSTED. For a 3 hour birthday party and about 25 or so people it sure can wear a guy out. Who knew?! LOL Not me apparently. :)
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60
For the One I Cannot Name
by Robdar ini guess you know i love you.. but what i would really like to do right now.
is ravish you until you see god.. .
and there's no point in asking.
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zanex
me likes...someone made quite an impression on ya eh? (looks sideways to see if the judicial comittee read this one) lol
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19
Advanatage you had over Others
by JH inwhat advantage did you have over others in your congregation that helped you look spiritual?
health advantage?
social advantage?
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zanex
Isuppose knowing sign language gave me a "leg up" I was interpreting in front of the cong at an early age and that was pre-baptism. Post baptism I was interpreting the memorial...shortly after that I was given the boot tho...lol. All before I was 17! It makes me chuckle now...
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79
everyone voice in
by peacefulpete inplease express in 0ne to three words why you are on this web site.
: angry,confused and desperate,lonely,seeking affirmation,saving souls,to expose evil,curious about apostates, like being naughty, etc.
please limit comment to 3 or less words.
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zanex
sanity, comedy, therapy...
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6
Daughter's bday!
by zanex intmw is my little girls birthday!!!
me and her mom are gonna have a bday party for her tmw!
i am way stoked!
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zanex
Tmw is my little girls BIRTHDAY!!! Me and her mom are gonna have a bday party for her tmw! I am way stoked! I got her some cool gifts and am way looking forward to watchin her go through it. will take lots of pix and if I can figure out how I will post em on the board. She will be all of TWO years old! My ex-wife and current girlfriend are gonna meet tmw too. My ex promised to be civil and nice to her. So should be fun!
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I'M HAVING MY BABY
by bluesapphire ini just wanted to let you know that i'm having my only son tomorrow at 4:00 pm by cesarean section.
i'll be away for a while and when i come back i don't know how much time i'll have but i wanted you all to know.
i'll post the details when i get home monday or tuesday..
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zanex
CONGRATS! my little girl will be 2 this sat..cherish EVERY moment for they go so fast...