Posts by zanex

This last weekend was easter and I had the pleasure of spending it with my daughter, my ex and her parents. They are locals and have been very accomodating with the whole divorce. The ex-in-laws are still good people and they have good hearts and a mindset that isnt religiously controlling. They are good for my little girl. Anyway, my daughter had painted a little wooden egg in her little two year old splotchy painting style with random colors and no actualy design but it felt good when her grandmother gave me the egg (grandma helped my daughter paint it) and told me that it had been painted by my little spud for me for easter. I didnt quite know what to say. I actually still havent let the egg out of my personal contact. I have it in my backpack. I feel kind of silly bringing it around with me but for some strange odd reason it makes me feel good and comfortable. The holiday thing is very much starting to warm me up. With every new thing that happens I go through a plethora of feelings and emotions.

I also had the disturbing experience of watching a movie that someone on this board had suggested, "Savage Messiah" it was quite disturbing yet in some small ways oddly reminiscent of the jw mind-control that allowed me to just accept whatever I was told as the truth with no proof. The extreme nature of THAT cultish family in the movie was sick. It twisted me kind of hard. Every little bit of de-conditioning that I get is good for me though..I am rapidly learning that the process to de-condition a mind is oftentimes not the most pleasureable of experiences. At any rate thats all I had to say. No poems this time. I have actually made a file of ALL the random poetry that I had posted on this board and I was suprised at how much I had put out...anywayz...laterz from this side of the zanexiville complex.

-Z-

50

Do You Remember the Day of Your Baptism?

by minimus in

jw
friends

your baptism date is supposed to be the most important time of your life.

i was 9 years old when i took the plunge.

i remember my baptism, mostly because, i was baptized twice.

zanex

It was in colorado. That much I can remember. The rest if the day is sort of vague. I recall walking down a long hallway and having a brother ask me if i had ever been baptized into any other religion and if i had been baptized a jw before and thats about all i recall. Funny though..I remember with sharp clarity the night I got disfellowshipped and remember the judicial meetings before that fateful night. I remember the gestapo tactics that they used to raze me and crush my mental psyche. Funny how I would remember that night and the bad nights whereas I have little to no memory of the baptism..hmmm wonder why that is...lol..no i dont.

31

Help me welcome a new member, jillbedford!

by Valis in

jw
friends

welcome jill!

i hope you enjoy the board and you meet many new friends here.

are you in bedford, texas by chance?

zanex

welcome to organized insanity and harmonious chaos. Where the mental washings and conditionings of the past come clean and wash away in a circle of those who understand...its quite a rather nice place..

11

missed birthday...

by zanex in

jw
friends

so like my bday was the other day..april 12th.

iam now 28...not that it means much or anything...i got an email from my elder dad telling me that he had traded in his honda for a harley and that him and mom were doing ok and that they still hoped that i would come back to the meetings.

hmph...birthdays.

zanex

joannadandy: Thanx..yah that kind of sums up the way I was feeling. LOL about the stalker thing! You have a point there..random emails from random people wishing me a happy birthday do make me say, "HMMMMM" Thank you tho.

Lisa: Hey you! Yah that sounds like a good idea, thanx! This week I am free on like friday for lunch or in next week's sched I am free any of the weekdays for lunch at this point but you know my job..here today..gone tomorrow. :)

cruzanheart: Thanxz! I liked it! definitely made me smile..

11

missed birthday...

by zanex in

jw
friends

so like my bday was the other day..april 12th.

iam now 28...not that it means much or anything...i got an email from my elder dad telling me that he had traded in his honda for a harley and that him and mom were doing ok and that they still hoped that i would come back to the meetings.

hmph...birthdays.

zanex

thanx y'all..I just havent been very birthday ish lately...holidays are rough for me still...I think I just really wanted to have my parents say the words and I know that can never happen. Thanxz everybody though!

11

missed birthday...

by zanex in

jw
friends

so like my bday was the other day..april 12th.

iam now 28...not that it means much or anything...i got an email from my elder dad telling me that he had traded in his honda for a harley and that him and mom were doing ok and that they still hoped that i would come back to the meetings.

hmph...birthdays.

zanex

So like my bday was the other day..april 12th. Iam now 28...not that it means much or anything...I got an email from my elder dad telling me that he had traded in his honda for a harley and that him and mom were doing ok and that they still hoped that I would come back to the meetings. Hmph...birthdays. Got a card from my daughter which meant the most to me. I hate the fact that I have to TRY and convince myself that my birthday is something special. I relfexively think, "ehhh its just another day". It went ok tho. Anyway..didnt really have much to say...

it was my birthday the other day

I felt no different than before

the sun shined and the birds chirped

yet nothing changed in my emotional store

I didnt feel any more special

I didnt want any gifts

I just wanted to be accepted

no more emotional rifts

I got a cake..

it was visually gifted

it had candles, my name and flowers

I felt no better not at all lifted

I struggle to feel the inner glee

the feeling of "wow!"

it didnt come to me

not then and not now

I got a card from my daughter

smeared in her two year old hand

it was colorful, erratic and loving

it made me feel it was grand.

my birthday is over now

life has returned to its normal pace

no longer a special day

just another foot in life's race...

-z-

81

Hello, I am Vivamus' Mum and new to the board

by Country_Woman in

jw
friends

i am vivamus' mum, and i have heard so much about you, that i'd like to meet you all myself.

i joined the witnesses in 1998, but i have always doubted the organization, but not the faith.

i am still jehovah's witness, but i am sure that the elders will kick me out as soon as possible, should they know what my real thoughts about the organization are.

zanex

Welcome to the truth...welcome to acceptance unconditionally...it grows on ya..

108

ROLL CALL!!!!! How many people are on this forum?

by NaruNaruChan in

jw
friends

i'm so curious!

if you see this, sign your name and your location if you want, cuz i wanna know how many people actively view this!

^_^

zanex

zanex from central cali...