QMF,
I hope you find some peace of mind. I can't imagine the stress it must cause to be an elder and an agnostic at the same time. It wasn't easy to admit to my feelings and the evidence that there was no global flood and that humans were walking the earth, making tools, hunting and burying their dead long before the mythical Adam and Eve were supposed to exist. Tsunamis and earthquakes ruined any chance of belief that I could have in a loving god existing. It was only logical then, that an organization that treated my disfellowshipped family members like dirt was the first thing to be thrown out of my life. I have no time for harmful religions that promote intolerance and use familial love to blackmail members into remaining in the religion.