Well its all mind games.
I was brought up in the WT and married an elders daughter when I was 22. Total nightmare, we were too young and I had no idea about life, myself or women. Inevitably the marriage was a total disaster, although on the bright side I do have two great boys.
I think she realised the marriage was not working before I did, I was totally oblivious to the problems. In retrospect the best thing she could have done, was announce it was not working and leave. Guess that was not an option in this case.
Insteat she knew she needed to construct a case that would be plausable to her family and the congregation. She became more and more uncooperative, deliberately provoking reactions from me. Eventually, without my knowledge he father, the PO of her congregation called a meeting with our elders and presented a dossier detailing every petty little thing I had done over the past 2 years. Nothing serious, things like expressing opinions that were slightly out of line, sometimes getting annoyed, drinking perhaps as many as 2 beers when I come home at night, that sort of thing. I was active in ministry, good standing etc. Each account was dated and timed. he was a petty minded git at the best of times.
I was never invited to this meeting and had no opportunity to defend myself. The elders in our cong thought it was petty and although they did have a word with me about it largely ignored it.
Some weeks later we were at her parents home and I overheard a conversation with her mother in the kitchen, her mother said "Just keep on reporting it and trust in Jehovah". By this time I was getting very paranoid, although it could be argued that if your fears are correct, that is not paranoia, rather realisation of the truth. I eventually set up a recorder in the house to record a conversation between my ex and her mother. (not too proud of that but needs must).
The tape revealed a strategy and in their opinion I was no more than the son of satan himself who would surely die at Armageddon. Of course someone who expresses opinions of his own, drinks the odd beer, listens to music, and sometimes gets a little annoyed (my primary sins) is obviously the sort of people who should be condemned to the second death.
I discussed my findings with the elders and while I was at work one Monday morning spoke to my ex. When I got home she had packed herself and the two children up and left.
We then went through a charade of my visiting her and the children at her parents house each weekend where we were "sorting things out". In retrospect I was totally nieve, I went along with this because I believed it was the right thing to do and I missed my children. I was still an active JW.
There then followed a number of attempts to trap me into grounds.
- Firstly she asked me to withdraw my regualar payments to her bank (she did not work) I told her that I still intended to support the children. She ordered me to stop the payments and so I did. Two weeks later I was served with a Non-Support court order. This turned out to be a scam to get social housing and to attempt to get elders approval for 'willfull non support'. I contacted my lawer and we got the order stopped, of which she was angry, she missed out on social housing points by 1 point, and lost out on the elders approval.
- Following that my phone would ring late each night. No one was would speak. This annoyed me to start, however in the end I would leave it off the hook reasonging that I had nothing to hide and I may as well run their phone bill up. I suspect this was in an attempt to see if I had any women in the house, which I had not. I mentioned this to a local elder, who was attempting to 'help' me, although in retrospect he was allied with my ex. Suddenly the calls stopped.
- Finally she cooked up some story to the authorities that she believed I was dangerous and secured a place in a womens refuge. Remember this was weeks after she had left and I had not been round there and I had not stepped out of line once. She then attempted to demonstrate to the elders in her congregation that she felt she was in danger. I am not sure how this went down, however it must have had little effect
Eventually after 18 months, I started to get on with my life, no women yet, but I was travelling and starting to realise that I was happier without her even though I saw less of my children. I eventually spoke to her about sorting out the mortgage on the house and she smiled in a weird sort of way and said, "you have got your life in a right mess and you cannot get out of it can you?". I thought watch me.
Stuff the watchtower rules, I am going for a Divorce.
I applied for a divorce and had the inevitable lecture from the elders.
Within 4 days I had a letter from her lawer stating that she was withdrawing contact with the children. No reasons were given and I had to go through 9 months of painful, expensive legal processes to gain access. by which time I had had enough of the WT and the way I had been treated that I was definatly OUT.
Since then she has done everything in her power to attempt to stop me from having any contact with the children other than that granted by the courts. She has even lied to the children and their schools stating that contact is strictly controlled and restricted. This makes out that I am some kind of ax murderer, when in fact 'I' applied for contact and the courts found in my favour.
I moved to a new town in excile, best thing I ever did, its like my life before was someone else.
She did attempt to shop me to the local congregation once, they took little interest. So I am not DF, more a rapid fade followed by excile. This pisses her family off seing as her sister was DF a few years ago for leaving her husband and children and running off with another man, she eventually married him and they bother came back so I guess its OK now.
She once destroyed some books I gave the children, entirely suitable childrens books. She destroyed them telling them (then aged 4-6) that as they had been in my home they could be possessed by demons. My youngest child told me he thought it was rediculous. He quoted this some time later as his reason why he thought there was something wrong with the JW religion and he wont be one when he gets older.
So I have two children about to enter teen age years. I do not try to counter endoctrinate them, however I do try to give them a very broad view of the world and hope they know they at least shall have the alternative option of leaving with my support if they ever need to.
An opportunity that I never had when I was a teenager.
