Posts by GrreatTeacher

48

How many here gave up having a family for the sake of the "truth"?

by stuckinarut2 in

this is a sensitive topic for many of us i know, but i am wondering how many here actually gave up the idea of having a family "in this system" for the sake of "kingdom activity or service"??.

start the count here with my wife and i.

GrreatTeacher

There was a time when they also encouraged people to hold off marriage as well, wasn't there?

I wonder why this never stuck but the encouragement against children did?

36

How do stop myself getting too Bitter?

by stuckinarut2 in

jw
friends

you know, i always maintained that during this fading process, and while learning ttatt, i would not let myself get "bitter twisted and angry".... but, in all honesty, if i examine myself, i have become quite bitter toward the org, toward the false friends and the gb.. i have become angry as i see the extent of damage i feel being raised in "the truth" has done.... i feel hurt towards the lost opportunities in life etc.... how do i not allow myself to get too swallowed up by such bitterness?.

i have always been a very happy, positive, selfless person.

i can put people at ease, i am someone people feel comfortable chatting to.

GrreatTeacher

That is a Big Question and those are difficult to answer.

For myself, I've processed a lot of these emotions and I don't feel them so strongly anymore.

But, they still do wax and wane to a certain extent. So, I just live through the feelings. When I feel good, I enjoy life. When I feel rotten and get stuck on negative feelings, I keep doing Life, knowing that the feelings will wane eventually.

Being an XJW is like living life in the ocean with the tide rising and falling around you. One minute you're stuck in a trough of bad memories and sour feelings. But, the next minute you could be catching that Big Wave and surfing through life feeling excellent!

Just ride the tides, my friend, there's always a new wave coming.

48

How many here gave up having a family for the sake of the "truth"?

by stuckinarut2 in

this is a sensitive topic for many of us i know, but i am wondering how many here actually gave up the idea of having a family "in this system" for the sake of "kingdom activity or service"??.

start the count here with my wife and i.

GrreatTeacher

My two best friends growing up each married young and have never had children.

They are now in their early 40s and it's likely too late to change their minds, even if they wanted to.

5

Unity or Uniformity?

by stuckinarut2 in

the feb 2015 broadcast finishes with a stupid "reminder" to remain united in worship etc.... the real definition of witness life though should be : uniformity!.

there is no room for individuality....there is no room for anything except complete mindless adherence to whatever the 7 in power dictate!.

.

GrreatTeacher

Maybe CONFORMITY is a better word?

Uniformity indicates that we are the same, but CONFORMITY indicates not only do we believe the same, but we have to conform to WTs version of the truth.

They would never conform to any other version of truth but their own.

9

A form of healing?

by New day in

it has been mentioned on here by quite a few posters that when they let go of the pressure of living up to the standards set out in the wt publications, they felt relief from a strangulating set of rules and regulations which do not truly reflect the kindness and love displayed by jesus.. as more than a year has gone by since i first read the ray franz books and started reading posts here, i recently stepped back and thought about how i now feel.

having always been a boy who can't say no (theocratically speaking) i have just now realized that, yes, i can refuse talks in the tms if i either can't do them or (gasp) don't want to do them.

just last week a well-meaning but misguided elder put me down to take a fs arrangement without asking me, despite the fact that i resigned as an elder last year and had asked for the pressure to be taken off.

GrreatTeacher

Good for you, Newday, standing up for yourself. And for your wife, too.

3

A monster in our midst......

by WingCommander in

jw
friends

i am pretty stunned as i write this post.

i guess i shouldn't be after reading years and years of similar incidents on these forums, but here i am nonetheless.

he was convicted in 2001 of possessing child pornography and sentenced to 1 to 2 years in prison.. .

GrreatTeacher

Glad he couldn't make bail.

It's interesting that you said he had piercing eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul.

Sometimes you can look at people and just see that their eyes are dead, no conscience, no human compassion.

45

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

by rebel8 in

http://www.geocities.com/zpg1957/narcissists.htm i've had some narcissistic types in my life and boy, does this article ring true.

(this is not true of my mother but just like a mirror image of my sister.

also reminds me of the dynamics of the wt org.

GrreatTeacher

Though not every detail fits my mother, she did pull off an incredible incident of self absorbed behavior when she was staying with my sister to "help out" after my sister's first baby, a preemie was born.

Her idea of helping out was to basically just take care of the baby. She never thought that helping to cook meals, wash laundry or just, in general help out with household chores should be something she should do.

She lost her s**t when my sister asked her if she'd make lunch. She complained she felt like she was being "used." Then she demanded that my sister and she drop everything and have a discussion about how my sister's behavior made my mother feel.

I caught this conversation and blew up, telling my mother that it wasn't about her and how dare she pull this crap when there's a new mother and a preemie that needed taken care of.

She screamed back at me, telling me it was none of my business and that she would just leave if she wasn't wanted. She went and hid in a room and called my father crying about how she wasn't appreciated. Then she left.

When I was driving home that evening, I called my father and told him the real story, that my mother was out of line, that she was acting unstable and that she really needed to see a doctor (again). He just listened non-commitally.

So, years later, I found out that my dad took my mother's side (classic enabler) and I will yet again go down in the annals of family history as the black sheep.

I was always the scapegoat. Maybe because I always have stood up to her. I have always felt the need to protect my little sister from her because she tends to be more conciliatory towards her and she gets hurt again and again.

What works with people like that? Going low contact or no contact, especially after egregious behavior like the above. She's been behaving okay recently so I am in contact. My sister thinks she behaves better towards me now because I don't need her. And I don't. I can survive just fine without her. And that drives her self-centered self crazy.

11

Do Kingdom Hall congregations communicate with each other?

by Faithful Witness in

when asked, my mom denies that they do.... do local congregations pass along gossip or reports on householders in the area?

specifically, i am wondering if they might report on (unbaptized) family members that live in other towns?.

since the abrupt ending of my bs with miss k, i have not heard from the jw's at all.

GrreatTeacher

Well, Clambake and Aroq, you just don't have a good heart and you're not humble enough to accept the truth, doncha know.

That's why they won't preach to you anymore. You've simply been written off as hopeless.

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

GrreatTeacher

Thanks for sharing, WingCommander. I've heard your story before, but thanks for posting again for the newbies.

Having grown up in the same circuit, I know that it is rife with cliques and materialism. Many business owners who own not only large homes, but large vacation homes. You work for them, make decent money yourself, or you're out of the clique of the "cool kids."

There's a large amount of pioneers, too, but that's just a gate of exclusivity to keep out the "lesser" ones. It's really just a social club that gives you access to the grapevine of gossip

When I'm visiting my mom and someone from the hall calls, you should hear how quickly her voice changes to a syrupy, fake tone that sounds like the talks at the hall. It's all such a sham. She's always done this. She could be screaming her head off, but would turn on a dime when the phone rang, sounding like the most kind, "Christian" person in the world. But it was play acting and fake, fake, fake.

And then there's the bragging about attending large anniversary parties or baby showers or sales parties where you can buy expensive handbags. Or stories of large groups of people vacationing together in a brother's large vacation home which he deducts as a business expense.

I had it out with a sister about ten years ago because she threw a large anniversary party for my parents and didn't invite us children. Even me who is not currently disfellowshipped. Normal people don't do that. They don't have a large anniversary party for a couple and not invite their children! I held them to the same standard of decency as the rest of the world and threw a fit about the rudeness of it all. They are such morally bankrupt people.

48

Struggling

by Alive! in

i read here regularly and although i haven't joined in, i really appreciate all the wonderful contributions from those who are willing to share their experiences.... .

i was a convert.

i won't go into the whole history ( perhaps another day) - my story could easily be recognised in the small town where i live, with my husband.. so, we stopped going to the meetings around a period of time when we were going through severe emotional difficulties - at that point, we needed unconditional family love - the hectic, forced jw dinner parties and social occasions gave no real comfort.

GrreatTeacher

Hi, Alive! I just wanted to let you know that I hear the amount of pain you are in and you're in my thoughts.

I suffer from bipolar disorder and sometimes the depression gets bad. Psychological pain is real pain and I can empathize.

My advice is to be kind to yourself daily. Go outside and get some exercise in the sunshine. Eat healthy food. Go to the produce section and buy beautiful, colorful fruits and veggies! Take a warm bubble bath. Drink chamomile tea before bed. Get plenty of sleep. Leave your shades open so you wake up to sunshine!

And, please go see your doctor if you begin to feel absolutely hopeless. Depression is common, but a diagnosed major depressive episode can be deadly.

You will be able to build a new life. There are sooo many others on this board who have had their young adult years stolen and who are now building a positive and even exciting new life.

Thank you for dropping in. It will be such a pleasure to get to know you better!