The Cognitive Dissodance is strong in this one.
You are going to crack right open like an egg, and if not sooner, then later. When it happens, you'll be in the psych ward for sure being pumped with either Zanax, Prozac, or Lithium. I recommend lithium for it's calming effects.
You did yourself one favor at least - you lied your ass off to those Elders and deflected most suspicion. Don't know how long you've been married, but they might just let the pre-marital fun slip by unpunished....I've seen it before.
I really feel for you. You are a tormented person.....I know, I've been tormented myself ever since waking up to the lies about 11 years ago now. It really is like a splinter in your mind, and it's hard to de-program. Suicide? Why let those f*ckers win? I know you love your daughter, but it doesn't sound like your wife gives you any pleasure at all. (why else fool around?)
Do yourself a favor: create another private bank account, transfer your money over into it. Some day volunteer to watch your infant child while your wife is out pioneering with (your stepdaughter?) have a locksmith come and change all the locks to the door. Gather up all her clothing and WatchTower crap, along with your (stepdaughters) stuff and pile it onto the front of your house with a note telling them to go to either a.) her parents house or b.) the loving fine Elders for support. Along with this envelope, have your lawyer include the notice of divorce action citing abusive behaviour and mental anguish. Have that all done up ahead of time with your lawyer and filed the day before.
Of course, have your infant daughter in the house with you. If the wife calls the cops, so what? You are her FATHER and tell them how she is in a manipulative mind-controlling cult and has been mentally abusive to you. I garuntee you'll still have your daughter after all of this, maybe even soul custody.
Get the ball rolling, and get it rolling now. The only one suffering here is YOU.....Your wife obviously doesn't care about YOU are your thoughts, only upholding the Organization and she's married to Jehovah, not you!!
Kick her ass to the curb along with her cult literature and let her spiritual brothers and sisters take care of her. Maybe then she'll realize what she had, cause God knows those people are USELESS when it comes to taking care of their own. Too cheap and cold-hearted.
- Wing Commander