so how does the WT spin it that Jesus started ruling in 1914
Because World War I proved King Jesus evicted Satan from heaven.
You can debate scripture and chronology, but with a PIMI JW, it is nearly impossible to persuade them that WWI is not clear evidence of Jesus (aka Archangel Michael at Rev 12:7-12) was invisibly given power as heavenly king, with his first act as king being the eviction of Satan to earth, which caused great "Woe" for the inhabitants of the planet. - Revelation 12:12
Remember too that, to you, the 1914 doctrine may seem like a critical part of JW faith, but to your wife, 1914 may be a sort of non-issue. Something else may be motivating her to hold the JW faith. It could be the desire for everlasting life in a paradise earth, the "resurrection hope", the "loving united brotherhood", fear of shunning...something with an emotional connection.
If/when Watch Tower is forced to modify or abandon the 1914 doctrine, millions of JWs will still continue to follow Watch Tower because of their emotional connection to other parts of that belief system.
Attempting to forcefully awaken a JW can often result in very undesirable side effects.
If your marriage and family are genuinely happy now, it may be best to live and let live.
Sometimes the passage of time is what awakens a JW, when they naturally realize that the utopia they are promised may not be "just around the corner."
