Dear Cog, I too am enjoying your posts very much. You are expressing yourself eloquently. I was going to say this earlier but the thought skittered away from me.
I still often have these feelings of futility and existential angst.
It has been my experience that the universe expresses infinitely in form and rhythm; and the human psych is no different: good days, bad days, mediocre days....and sometimes long stretches of down days.
I have only found unconditional peace when I let it all be, and not identify with disturbance and disquiet as what I am.
Perhaps this is not so much about manipulating anything, as it is simply about quietly and gently discovering what we truly are...no matter how the universe, body and mind manifest.
j