Dear LouBelle,
Please let me preface this by saying that I frequent this forum rarely now days, so am not up to pare on the family going-ons here.
That said, from what has been gathered it appears as if you suffer from chronic depression. A multi-faceted electrochemical imbalance that can effect our lives drastically. I know, because I have it too.
May I suggest you look into several things.
First, of course is to visit with a good psychiatrist who listens and can prescribe antidepressants. Alone these lines look into MOAI's, as they are not often prescribed but can do wonders when others do not.
Also look into magnesium and it's role in depression.
Also check out Curcumin with Piperine.
Also, please look into Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation (CES). Investigate into the plethora of medical tests that have been done over the years, and become familiar with what it is, and what it does. Then go to the SOTA website for the very best deal on a unit that does not require a doctors prescription.
There are certainly many other avenues to pursue. The important thing is, is do not surrender and succumb to the depression in such a way that it over-whelms you and leads to suicide. There ARE other ways that can benefit you and mankind. Yes, mankind, as you have much yet to contribute to us.
Your pain, in many ways, makes you more aware of things, more sensitive and open to things most of us ignore. You have much to share.
Take advantage of the Internet and seek out ways to change and improve. Just being active in this endeavorer helps a lot. It give you hope and power to move beyond.
You are loved.
Send me a personal message, if you like, and I will be happy to share my personal email address with you, so we can share further.