Posts by confuzcious

I want to thank Brummie. Here's a guy that called me on things I was doing wrong. Some he got right on the money - unfortunately for me - the truth hurts.

With other things, he just misunderstood and he was MAN enough to say, "Huh, maybe I didn't understand."

Yes, I erased my origional post. After a while, it's hard to listen to this stuff when you're wife just left you.

Who of us, really want to hear you r"eap what you sow", when your wife just left you. That's like someone on their sick bed dying of AIDS and US saying, "Well, what did you expect when you did this this and that." Guys there is still a real human being here. Lets help people learn and live.

The last few weeks have been pretty good. I'm moving on with my life and although my former mistress was the first one to offer to take me in, I found a new girlfriend whom understands me and had her husband abandon her too.

I'm moving on and I'm happy again.

But I do stand on my last post to LB. LB, you are a bonehead. BONE - HEAD.

I made mistakes and I repented of them.

I will give my wife a fair settlement, but just the fact that I can determine that myself is proof that it's I'm not fully to blame.

LB, the one thing I learned by the responses is that I'm responsible for my actions.

However, to say that I'm blame shifting - NO.

I've been clean other than the threesome for the past year or so. Loyal to my wife.

She is the one that decided to up and leave me.

I accept the mistakes I made. She had the choice to leave before.

So before you stick your 2 cents into something, think LB. Stick to the "WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR..." threads, OK?

Guys, this post from me was never about entertainment or triviality. This was about life.

My wife left me and it hurt tremendously.

Sure had different ways of looking at it. I adjusted my thinking in some cases and got a POUNDING in others.

But I tell you. You guys have to keep in mind that there is a real person behind these posts.

I mean which one of you would really tell a person sitting next you "Boo Hoo. I feel SOOOO SORRY for you."

I mean, feelings don't just disappear when we type something on these pages.

If I was counseling myself, I might say something like, "It's OK, I know it's rough. Your marriage may be doomed, but imagine what a husband you will be to your next wife if you learn your lesson."

That would be a nice post and a lot of people here said words to that effect.

But that's why I erased the origional post. It was enough already. Saying that I'm a jerk of a man is just salt on the wound.

But I want to say to you guys, that I did learn my lesson.

In the future, I know I can be a better husband and I AM very happy now.

I was actually surprised how fast I bounced back from all of this, but I'm in a new relationship now and I'm ready to move on.

Thanks everybody and especially thanks to Brummie.

And truly guys, including LB - the lazy one. Guys, I used to judge this person and that. But I tell you, there is no secret. Money and power doesn't come without a price.

Probably most people in LA that have money, power and prestige are not truly happy.

Most of us know it. But please don't judge people living in a different world. It's not a better world, just different.

Thanks again and I'm not going to get into a "pissing" fight with LB, so I may or may not check back again.

But I want to tell Brummie thanks. Also Lisa.

Brum and Lisa, it's been tough. But thanks, because your posts have meant more to me than you'll ever know.

Thanks

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

hahaha,

Brummie, you're funny.

Even though its like my biggest fantasy. I had been offered 3 times by girls that if I didn't want to sleep with them, that I could bring along my wife for a threesome.

The first two times me and my wife was Pioneers so I said no.

Then after I screwed up, my wife tanked spiritually too.

So the last time, we all had too much to drink.

But it wasn't like Intercourse or anything like that. Just kissing, feeling and topless stuff.

I mean, it wasn't like a porno flick or anything like that. (or at least not like a good one - just kidding.)

Afterward, I don't know what happened, but it was kind of made clear that it was my turn to leave when the girls husband came back.

Strange, I know, but this is annonymous and there's no reason for me to lie.

So I let the whole thing pass, but when we got into a fight later on, I brought it up.

So one thing led to another and she left me.

This is all new still so I'll fill you in. She's not talking to me and won't return my calls. So yeah, I think my marriage is toast.

But I do love her still. Dearly.

Some of the better posts here was to the point of learning from this.

I guess I was just bitter, because I know I was a jerk. If you read the first thread, I knew I was never the best husband.

I learned so much from the posts here. I mean it changed my whole outlook on things.

As I mentioned before, I was ready to kill myself. I was on beer 4 and at beer 6 I was going to go for it.

My wife had the decently after my suicide message to call my friends up who came to my house.

I lost my wife and that's one of the most devistating things that could happen to a man. Even worse, is to know that it was ultimately your fault.

That's why I'm so keen on the idea of forgive and forget.

Sure, deep down, a woman doesn't ever forget, but I'm a mess now - emotionally.

I used to be a Pioneer and an MS. It was REALLY hard for me to get over the fact that I committed adultry.

It ate me alive.

So EVERYBODY in the Hall kept saying, "Jehovah forgave you. Jehovah forgave you." And today, I believe that he has.

But my wife forgave me too, at least in body form and took me back in.

But one posted said here that that's a hard thing for a woman to do and it keeps eating away at the marriage.

That's true.

It's what it is. Learn and move on I guess.

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

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thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

Brummie,

Ok,

I did read back on some of your posts and you were non judgemental.

I'm just frustrated.

Regardless of what happens, I'm pretty sure this situation won't get ugly.

My wife could have took me BIG TIME to the cleaners after affair one and two.

I owe her.

But yes, I joined in a threesome with my wife and another girl.

My wife also later went with the the other girls husband although I'm not 100 percent sure what they did.

Brummie, I live in a different world than most people. All I can say is it is very L.A.-ish. It's a glamourous lifestyle, my work, but it has a tremendous dark side.

Yes she is a witness and that's why she will soon face a judicial meeting.

I witnessed it because, sorry, but I enjoyed it. Really, how many guys deep down wouldn't mind a threesome with his beautiful wife and another amazingly attractive woman.

It happened and obvously I can't change it.

I don't mind people giving me advice, but I've been called a block head in this thread.

Fine, it's annoymous, but unless you've walked in my shoes - you would have no clue.

Thanks Brummie. I enjoyed your posts, especially the earlier one.

I can't believe how much attention this thread is getting...

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

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thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

LB,

NO.

You've made 3804 Posts. I think you're the one that needs to take a reality pill or find another hobby like hat collecting.

Stop putting your two cents in on stuff that makes no sense or doesn't inspire anybody.

Remember this post you did? "If you could have any superpower, what would it be?"

Give me a break.

You take a reality pill.

I made mistakes and I'm paying the price. But don't lecture me on how the world works. I made .7 million dollars last year and with it comes a lot of temptations. More than you would know about. Until you walked in my shoes, don't judge me.

My wife took me back two times because she seen how people treat me. I get a lot of attention. I slipped up. She understands that and took me back - twice.

You didn't walk in my shoes so get a life and save posts when you have something important to say.

You might be genuinely loyal to your wife and I applaud you. I was for many years, but the stresses and the temptations got the best of me.

My wife is not a stupid person. I am constantly surrounded by beautiful women through my occupation and they show me attention. My wife is also very attractive and she gets more than her fair share of attention. She is imperfect so she was unfaithful to me.

But that's not my issue.

Some of these posts here from other people are very helpful. I'm the first one to point the finger at me.

In fact, I cherish the posts here that are very negative of me too. A lot of them woke me up. But your posts and your collection of 3804 other posts - is the one needing of a reality check.

My wife left me. Perhaps deservedly so. But I came here thinking to get some insite and comfort.

Some of the people were very nice here. Other's gave a different way of looking at this and put a positive spin on it.

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

Brummie

Let me answer your questions so others here can see you have no clue

what I'm talking about.

 1) My wife is under Judicial Investigation because she

Kissed and Fondled Men and Women in front of me and witnesses.

I mention that there was NO SEX INVOLVED because in JW speak f

ondling of the penis or vagina IS considered Adultry.

You don't have to have SEX or INTERCOURSE;to commit Adultry.

That is also why I said Potential Adultry, because until the question

is answered how far she went, it's still can be considered

an Adultry situation. Either way, I forgave her.

 2) eeermm, your clueless Brummie.

YES, the courts can decide if you've been forgiven.

If the mate takes you back into your home and you resume a martital

relationship, in the eyes of the law, you are considered forgiven and

adultry no longer can be brought up as a legit reason to divorce.

3) Don't start slandering her? We're annonymous here. You don't even know her.

 But you are right, she's a wonderful person. That's why I forgave her of

 her "adultry." I am DEVASTED by My Wife Leaving. That was the post.

I made mistakes in the past and I repent and love her.

I'm not blaming her for leaving, I'm DEVASTED.

The best post here was the one that said, you reap what you sow.

That's good. And I could learn something from it.

ButBrummie, unless you know what you're talking about, please don't comment.

This thread has really gotten out of hand. I wish I never posted.

Some of the earlier posts on this were really good.

Even the ones that painted me negatively. I responded to that.

No, the organization is not responsible for everything.

Great points. I really learned from that.

But Brummie, just so you know, MY lawyer and HER lawyer

 are one and the same. He won't represent us if it we make it ugly.

 But from a legalistic viewpoint, and I don't think you're a lawyer,

Brummie, I could take my wife to the cleaners if I wanted to.

 He was very objective... and he's friends with both of us.

 The past adultries, even hers, don't count in the courts because

 YOU GET A CLEAN SLATE, once both decides to resume the marriage.

 NO, it doesn' spare you of bitter feelings and the consequences,

but legaly speaking AND in Jehovah's eyes, we are still Married.

Capice Brummie

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

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friends

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thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

Guys, first of all, I'm amazed at the response from the thread I started.

First of all, thank you LISA (LDH) and some of the others that had kind words.

I was perfectly candid when I told about my two affairs. That's how you guys know that I'm not painting a one sided story.

I'll just be as candid on my wife's side.

My wife is currently under Judicial Investigation (congregation) for an adultery that happened 3 months ago. (I say potential adultery because there was no sex, but you know how even rubbing up is considered adultery in some cases in JW theology).

I forgave her for that, but I didn't make it a congregational issue since I wasn't even going to meetings.

To me, I HAD THAT COMING and I forgave her for it, even though through talk, that issue has come up again.

But for all those who came down hard on me. Here's the deal and it's the deal whether it's in Jehovah's Org or the World courts.

WHEN YOU COMMIT ADULTERY AND YOUR WIFE TAKES YOU BACK, IT IS DONE. It is done in the eyes of the worldy courts and it is done in God's eyes. You are forgiven and you start from scratch.

I contacted my lawyer to day and the facts are my wife has ABANDONED ME. She has abandoned me, the home and the business.

My friend, who's sister in law did the same thing, actually has to pay the HUSBAND support because she abandoned the kids and her home.

So before you guys get up on your high horse, YES, I committed sins, but when a wife TAKES YOU BACK - even SEVEN TIMES, then the matter is over. IT DOES NOT REMAIN a "Get Out of Jail" card forever where you can go back any time you like to get out of a marriage.

I have been extemely loving and caring for my wife since then and she still cheated on me, I forgave, but she abandoned me later.

THANKS LDH (lisa) for the kind (((((Hug)))))). It's what I needed at the time.

Am I paying the price, ABSOLUTELY, but that doesn't absolve the other party or others involved with any wrongdoing.

CONFUZCIOUS

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

thanks for the comments so far...

One of the thing that really gets me is that I sat down with my wife several times to tell her about the things I was learning.

One thing that JW has taught me is how to build an almost unasailable line of reasoning. I Pioneered for 10 years and I was effective.

It's just that I started to question things that "we claimed" was scriptural - but really had no basis.

And how if they say something like - No Boxing or No Rap music, we know very well - that these are more than just suggestions. Skirt length - Beards - Goat Tees - Lets not kid ourselves. These are not mere suggestions. We live by them or get "marked" as disobedient.

But my wife sat and listened to all of it and I'm POSITIVE could not say one thing in defense.

Her tirade against me when she left was that I WOULD NEVER convince her that this is not the truth.

In reality, I never stopped her from going to the meetings, whatever.

84

DEVASTED by Wife Leaving...

by confuzcious in

jw
friends

.

thanks for the advice guys...edited by - confuzcious on 31 january 2003 11:51:20.

confuzcious

Thanks for the advice guys...

Edited by - CONFUZCIOUS on 31 January 2003 11:51:20

13

its snowing in the Carolinas

by DIAMOND in

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friends

its snowing outside.

i'm off work.

sipping brandy,with a fire going and cruising jw.com....life is good.. diamond.

confuzcious

Lilac,

Is that picture of you? You're very attractive...

I was a pioneer for 9 years and an MS and once things got bad, I was depressed for awhile.

I finally went on the Internet (Scary!! SCARY!!! - like the old George Bush Sr on Saturday Night Live.)

I did that, and got a New Jerusalem Bible and read the NT in about 5 hours.

Found out the Bible is really a simple book.