erinee ...
Of course I don't know all of the circumstances, but is there a big advantage in DA'ing instead of just fading? Do you live near them? Are you in the same congregation?
If your family can accept you being inactive, isn't that something to consider? Show up for the memorial or something and call it a day.
Maybe just telling them you need some time "off" to get your mind and thoughts together could be an option.
I realize that when children arrive it gets dicey with the birthday and christmas thing. But that is years into the future.
But is that really living a lie? You don't have to agree with all of the beliefs of anything or anyone. You can define the rules. You really don't have to get into doctrinal issues with them. Why?
Personally, from what I am reading, I don't think it has to be an all or nothing thing. Again, if you are inactive, you can simply define the rules.
Just my thoughts. I wish you the best. Please keep us informed.
Rub a Dub