Posts by ESTEE

I used to have nightmares that I was back in the kingdom hall . . . or at a convention . . . and no one would talk to me. Wait! That really would happen - - - if I went to a meeting! (Haven't gone for almost four years) Anyway, in the dreams, I felt just awful - - - like I felt soooo out of place and sooooo self-consious and uncomfortable.

Now . . . this week I dreamed I was in a kingdom hall and waiting to talk to an elder. He told me I would have to wait. So I thought, okay I'll wait for a few minutes. I thought he had some important elder business to attend to, so no problem. Then I saw that he was just standing there chatting with a couple of sisters and laughing it up. No serious elder business going on! - - -Oh, wait! It could be serous elder flirting going on! I wasn't feeling my usual discomfort or self-consiousness. I was feeling rather confident and pleased with myself. I was carrying a bookbag. Suddenly, I felt like, Hey! Why am I here, anyway? Why would I wanna talk to this jerk anyway? Is he the caretaker of my soul? Or am I the caretaker of my soul! I threw the bookbag into the trash. Nope, wasn't a good enough effort! I took the bookbag outta the trash, and threw it in with more passion and gusto! There! Like that!!!! Ahhhh.. . . that felt more like it!! I marched outta the kingdom hall, hoping everyone saw me! I was feelin' soooo prouda myself and I had this great feeling of self-esteem like I had NEVER felt before in my life!!!!

Ahhhhh. . . that felt sooooo good!

What a great dream! Hey . . . Do you suppose I am healing?

Thanks for all your support in my healing journey!! Just had to share this!

Love you all!

ESTEE

7

Feb 8th Awake - cover picture

by BluesBrother in

this issue has already furnished a couple of threads, but the cover picture really has haunted my mind since i saw it .. a vivid red border bears the big title "child prostitution a tragic reality" .

it is a monochrome image a little girl ,pre teen age.

she looks asian and is garishly clothed in a printed dress.

ESTEE

Interesting to note . . . the jws actually do support child prostitution. . .

Let me explain:

My cousin was 18 months old when she was taken off the kingdom hall property and sold to dirty old men for sex - - - not just once, but on a continual basis for many years. The pimp? . . .none other than a respected brother.

When my cousin was in her 30's, she went into therapy. . . and part of her recovery was to report the abuse to the elders. You would think the elders would have been shocked and horrified that this so-called brother was still among the flock(TM), and have him removed. But no!. . . instead they asked Brother Pimp about it, and he denied all allegations (of course). My cousin had no witness to the atrocities against her, so the elders were not prepared to proceed any further. She was asked to drop the allegations or be accused of slander. Story shoved under yet another jw rug. GAWD!!!

Thus . . . I stand by my claim that the jws actually do support child prostitution!

ESTEE

26

How Many Have Had Elders Visit?

by Scully in

jw
friends

just out of curiosity, now that it's been 6 weeks since we had our visit from the elders..... how many of us have been called on by the elders??

what have been the results of the visit?.

love, scully

ESTEE

Scully,

Not meeee! . . . But then the elders are scared of meeee! . . . 'cuz I'm Jezebel. . .!!!

MooooooHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Love,

Esther

34

Did they lie about you when you left?

by Brummie in

jw
friends

i was reading something bout bashing the org unfairly...i disagree with doing it to a degree but did you get an unfair bashing by jws after you left?

i was accused of marrying a sister (who i helped to leave at the same time as me), she was twice my senoir and had sons the same age as me...pure lies and gossip.

and i was accused of smoking some drug, and thats why i disassed.

ESTEE

A sister who left the jws after I did heard the rumours about me.

Debbie says that she was visiting a family, who were talking about me. The man was saying, "Yeah, there are two sides to every story! He had his reasons for sleeping with prostitutes!" Now, this is coming from a respected "brother" in the congregation. . . who is married! <wondering if this guy liked prostitutes, too!>

Interestingly, I never withheld the "marriage due(TM)" from my hubby. I was in denial for most of my marriage about his "indiscretions", because I knew if I divorced him, I would not be able to live without the sex (I kinda like it a LOT) shhhhh!

What I did NOT like was the bum sex that he was into. GAWD!!! Guess he had to git it from somewhere else. . . I pitied the prostitutes. . .But at least they got paid for it!

When I finally faced his cheating, it became a health issue with me . . . and I felt I needed to divorce him BEFORE I got AIDS. . .DOH!

I have a clean bill of health . . . and he has Hepatitis-C, since going back to intravenous drug use.

Whew!! Glad I didn't listen to the elders and stay with him!! Hearing the rumors after the fact helped me to see how confidential the elders really are with our problems.

ESTEE

19

X witness, Faithful Slave wants t o chat

by Robert E in

my name is robert, i'm from alberta canada.

i just came across this site, and i was wondering if there is a location on this site where one would go to chat with or just correspond with other x witness, or do i just do as i am now, start typing and hope someone will answer?

i will wait to hear from someone before i go and say too much.

ESTEE

Robert! . . . Welcome to the forum! . . . another Canadian!

Saskatoon, here!

Email is open!

Esther

18

Is there any thread that connects JW's together

by sleepy in

jw
friends

.

is there any common thread that connects jw's together because as far i can see jw's come from all types of families, backgrounds , races and such.. in my congregation there were many types of people,although there were quite a few dpressives and others with mild mental diseases.but there is nothing i find in common through jehovahs witnesses except their belief in that religion.there must be some common personnality types in the organistation, maybe a few dominant reoccouring ones, but i would need a bigger picture to see that i suppose.. what are your thoughts?

ESTEE

Some people like being told what to do and what to think . . . it is called co-dependency . . .

9

Postcard to My Kids

by ESTEE in

i earlier read a post of a letter by bill bowen.

do my kids need to know this???

it angered me, and i thought i want my kids to see the jws in a new light.

ESTEE

Wow! . . .I haven't checked this thread for a few days . . .and here are all these wonderful responses from all these lovely people! . . . from my NEW family!!!

Awwwwww . . . an' I can't see the page . . . <crying now>

(((((Scully))))): Thanks for the email . . . Also thanks for the advice about having expectations of my kids. I realize they may not even read the card. As soon as they figure it is from me, they may garbage it. However, they will think about me, and know I am thinking of them. Maybe that is enough for now . . . for them. Maybe it is all they would handle, for now. . .

(((((Goshawk))))): Thanks for your comforting words. It did feel okay to write those cards.

(((((Jesika))))): I'm really sorry to hear about the abusive uncle (your dad's brother?) GAWD!!! How awful that he would choose loyalty to his brother over you, his precious daughter!! That sickens me!!! There is just no explaining some mentalities! I am glad that you are a survivor of it all! Also, I'm glad to be getting to know you, Jes. . .I think you are a beautiful person . . .inside and out!

(((((Brummie))))): I realize that my kids have issues. I think it is healthy for them to face them once in awhile. In my humble opinion, I think the jws encourage dysfunction. They are encouraged not to deal with their issues, as in "Leave it to Jehovah. . ." <gag>

(((((LyinEyes)))): Thanks for the suggestion of the "I miss you" part in the card . . . next time . . .

It feels so nice to be supported like this. I need youz in my life! You are my family . . .

Love ya!

Esther

17

Another Message For Monitors! INSIDE!

by D8TA in

jw
friends

just click it.

i have no explanation.

http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/

ESTEE

D8TA!!!

Toooooooooooo funny!

ROFLMAO!!!!!

Cute!

ESTEE

40

How far back can you go?

by JH in

jw
friends

.

we all remember certain things and events when we were young, but do you remember certain events in your life when you were only 3 or 4 years old?

how far back can your memory go?.

ESTEE

I remember traumatic events in my life at about age 4:

My dog chewed up my only doll that my mom bought for me, out of money she "stole" from my dad
My dad held me over the river and threatened to drop me in for "being a girl"
My sexual abuse, and subsequent threats that I would be "thrown to the pigs trough" if I told

Argh!!

ESTEE