.
thank god corey is gone (although he was booted, not voted off).. anyone watch today?
kimberley locke was simply amazing...reuben as well.... clay was great but played it safe...too bad joshua didn't...he was the worst singer tonight....it was painful to watch...disco is not his genre of singing.... i also liked carmen.. of the judges, i love simon's honesty.. reuben looks like a shoe-in for american idol finalist...i wish his competition was either kimgerly locke or clay
my top four are Clay, Trenyce, Reuben and Josh(even tho he had a cold tonight and did not do well)-second thru fourth place are variable...I don't like Carmen-she has this cowgirl yodel thing going in every song. Kim Locke and Ricky are good, but the others are better. I am not a fan of Kim Cauldwell either-her style is a dime a dozen.
Ravyn
once again, whomever you are, you are too chicken shit to talk to me directly.
i am so angered that you once again, although i gave you my # and email address with which to contact me, have decided to take information that i have posted directly to the elders.
again, werent you supposed to come to me???
Snitch,
you think JWs are targetted by demons? well let me tell you hun, some apostates are witches. and no snitch can stand next to a witch. And some witch apostates are friends with the snitched-on. So basically you don't know demons until you piss off an apostate witch who happens to think of your 'victim' as a friend. funny things happen to the tongues of snitches. unexplained medical conditions. you might even wish you swallowed some crazy glue--since that can be fixed, eventually. and directly related to the snitch tongue curse is the snitch testicle curse. you don't want to know(you'll find out soon enough...)
LuvYa capone!
Ravyn
according to my brother the big elder, this is it!!!
this war with iraq will bring on armageddon for sure!!!.
so if thats the case (and he is an elder so he can't be wrong can he??
neyank---you ARE dreaming! but you did not die. You are still an infant and you are sleeping in your carrier at a book study and they are studying the Babylon The Great Has Fallen Book and soon you will wake up and need to be changed and fed....and don't worry baby you will NEVER get old enough to have to go to school in this old system! It is all just a dream.....
Ravyn
well folks i have been trying for the last few years to come up with a life and a future and some kind of hope that this world and this existence was worth the struggle, but i am running out of dreams.
war, economic problems, health problems, relationship problems.
i have come to a point in my life where it does not matter if i get out of bed in the morning.
I really love you guys!
Atleast now I don't feel alone! And as far as that book---oh I got a book written you can bet! I am really kinda waiting until my mother is gone, she is old and she does not deserve to be hurt by JWs anymore and I am afraid it might backlash onto her. Unless I can find a way to write it without names---but then it is less believable. But that is not the only book I have written already....
In fact I have an idea for something pleasant (as opposed to an expose that will take alot out of me...) that will be the next Harry Potter, only for adults! I want to do a series called 'Thee Erotick Witche...' where I put out an almanac every year and some other interest books in between and maybe even run a little book shop/ coffee shop thingy where I can market some of the products(like soaps and oils and teas and lingerie etc) from the books. I have already checked into trademarking and copyrighting. I have to find the funding now(hard part). But I already have the first two years' almanacs written. Cool stuff---sexy and magickal. Like 'Thee Erotick Witche in the kitchen---recipes for romantic meals', or 'Thee Erotick Witche's guide to spooky and romantic getaways--travel guide to hanuted hot spots'. I also have years and years of dark poetry and erotic stories and re-written fairytales and myths(rated R atleast). 'The Erotick Witche's Book of Bedtime Stories'....what sells better than sex and magick? But with some real practical stuff thrown in, like herbs and remedies, and when to plant, and crystals and chakras, and holiday celebrations from all over the world--almanac stuff. Fun stuff.
So I have ideas, just always the same hold up---MONEY. I hate money.
Ravyn
(BTW-this is the first I have shared this with anyone but my husband and my SBA counselor.)
i really never dated that much inside the orgainisation because of a lack of available brothers.
the couple of times i did not great.
i once asked a brother out and it was all over the congregation as to how inappropriate that was since it should be the man who does the asking.
Cruzanheart! my musband wears kilts too...LOL he is half Scots-Irish and half Italian....he might wear a kilt, but he is definitely Italian on the lower half.......he looks so much like Stone Cold that little kids ask him for autographs. Aren't we LUCKY! OMG! If I had married one of those 'GOOD' JW boys I would be in jail for murder right now.
Ravyn (PS- I used to use RavynzHeart for my nick too...LOL)
well folks i have been trying for the last few years to come up with a life and a future and some kind of hope that this world and this existence was worth the struggle, but i am running out of dreams.
war, economic problems, health problems, relationship problems.
i have come to a point in my life where it does not matter if i get out of bed in the morning.
thank you Jgnat.
:)
Ravyn
i really never dated that much inside the orgainisation because of a lack of available brothers.
the couple of times i did not great.
i once asked a brother out and it was all over the congregation as to how inappropriate that was since it should be the man who does the asking.
dating? there was no dating . If it was not 'courtship' it was not. for me it was not.
I was a very pretty regular pioneer with a daddy who was not only an elder- he was one of the anointed. I did not have a chance. The JW boys were too afraid of him and me.
I got married 6 months after I left JWs when I was 34. And the year before I did not lack for...errr...male company. most of the men I dated were totally shocked that the JWs were so blind and stupid. My husband now, even tho he is younger than I am, claims that if I had knocked on his door- he would have been able to count his time with me as a return visit!
Ravyn
well folks i have been trying for the last few years to come up with a life and a future and some kind of hope that this world and this existence was worth the struggle, but i am running out of dreams.
war, economic problems, health problems, relationship problems.
i have come to a point in my life where it does not matter if i get out of bed in the morning.
I appreciate all your comments--I really do.
I can't take antidepressants, the doctors will not even consider giving them to me. I take 7 prescriptions aday for Lupus and Narcolepsy. The doctors do not feel I am depressed, they feel I have chronic disease and alot of pain and just have to learn to live with it. I have Lupus-no sun, no crowds, no children, I have Narcolepsy-no driving, no going anywhere alone. I live out in the country, atleast 6 miles from the nearest grocery store. My husband works from 7AM to 8PM regularly and sometimes earlier or later, and this is atleast 6 days a week.
If I was rich I would hire a companion or just hire my husband to stay home with me sonce when we are not fighting about money we really enjoy each other's company.
Twenty years ago I had hope they might find a treatment or a cure for Lupus, now it is unlikely I will see it in my lifetime--I am going to be 41 this year, a little late for me. I stopped thinking that someday we might could win the lottery---never bought any tickets anyway. The dream house we have designed and planned on is just not possible. 6 years we have been together and so far he has proven incapable of ever being trustworthy with money or us getting out of the holes we both started this relationship in. (Me-from losing my house, vehicles, furniture, household goods, pets, job, health, family, freinds, etc when I left JWs. Him from bad choices with money and supporting his dead-beat family all his life besides.) Basically my life was over the day I walked out of the Kingdom Hall. Thing is it was over that day whether I stayed or left, and leaving was the only chance of survival that I had. They not only took my life, they took my future too. I can see the number one problem and challenge people who leave JWs face is the complete cutting off of livelihood---and since most do not leave until they are in their 30's and 40's--well guess what? We are screwed. I was a regular pioneer for 15 years--from 18-34. They took everything I had and any future potential too.
Sheila the suggestions about crocheting et al seem like a possibility. Having children is not and never has been a possibility for me. If I could survive the pregnancy how could I take care of a child when I can't take care of myself? Besides there is a good chance any child wuld also be disabled. I got a husband with a money IQ of 8 yrs---I don't need another expense- :)
Last night in chat, HillBilly and others suggested the 'envelope' method of bill paying--I think I will try that. Only problem I have with that is that I don't know how effective it will be because we don't make enough money to keep it in the envelopes for very long--when the paycheck comes in, it goes right out to pay bills. We have never had $20 to save. He is doing the best he can. He can't make anymore money than he is making now--the economy is to blame. He has no college education, and he is 37 now. A change in careers at this point is very risky. He is a CATV telecommunications tech--he does everything from installing cable from pole to house to Project Coordinator which is what he did for a rebuild for Comcast. Comcast screwed him, just like Motorola, Texas Instruments and Raytheon did. Middle Management for a specific project will never get hired on for more than a temp.--even tho they always promise more than that to get him. Right now he is working for a contractor who has contract with Adelphia, Comcast, Nesbe, and Cox and Charter. But he is working for someone else and his boss is the one who makes the $18 an hour, Lee gets paid by the piece. So you figure out who is making the money now? Lee who is 37 years old and 65 pounds overweight, or the 25 yr old who can climb the 75 foot ladders like a monkey? He is really going thru a crisis about what to do with the rest of his life. He is seeing his dreams slip away too.
Which brings me to the BIG part. This world! How is this possibly going to turn out? I read a 'conspiracy' type article about China the other day and I am not so sure now we should not all just take a chinese language course. I spent the last 3 years down in Tennessee and I saw so much fundamentalistic hatred and prejudiced that I am completely turned off christianity. But not only that---people who don't live in places like Tennessee and Texas and Mississippi just do not have a clue! And the rest of the US does not realize how much influence and political power this faction of extremists hold! It is not paranoia. It is something to truly be legitimately afraid of. So what is the future of this country? I mean the future as in the next 5 years--not the next 20! I don't know what to expect. I don't believe in any armageddon like fundys in this country do---but there is something building up to a head and everyone can feel it and that is where they are getting the fuel for their fires! Anyone read the novel American Gods? VERY VERY GOOD! It is about how eveyrone who every came to this country brought over their gods and the gods are all still here--they just might be taxi drivers and Vegas hookers, and it is all coming to a head- Ragnarok. which incidentally happens in the heart of fundyism...EXCELLENT book. But it is eerily true. It strikes a cord. Makes me want to move out of this country--problem is, I don't know where else to go either.
Doesn't anyone else feel this restlessness?
Ravyn
well folks i have been trying for the last few years to come up with a life and a future and some kind of hope that this world and this existence was worth the struggle, but i am running out of dreams.
war, economic problems, health problems, relationship problems.
i have come to a point in my life where it does not matter if i get out of bed in the morning.
the internet is really my only link to the outside world. I am disabled myself and often times I am ill, not just physically limited so basically I stay in the house alot. I see my husband for a couple of hours each day before he has to go to bed to get up at 5 AM to work again until 8 or 9PM, 6-7 days a week. And we are just barely, and more times than not, NOT making it financially. I can't work, so I can't help with expenses. We have no children--so no breaks from charities either. He gets so frustrated at never having enough. Alot of it is his own fault, but if I say anything about it I am a nag and if I ignore it I am begging at food pantries.... he is not abusive or uncaring at all--just money-stupid. For instance this week--I thot I had enough in the bank to pay the bills, and I would have if he had not decided to fill up his company truck with gas the day BEFORE his boss gave him the expenses check(and not tell me thinking he could put it back before I knew it was gone)---soooooo because he overdrafted me last week, now I have 5 -$30 bounce fees, and no money to pay the bills. No money to go to the grocery store either---altho ramen noodles coming out the ying yang---but he does not get paid again until next Monday. He is very sorry. He always is. That is just the little crap I live with every day. Then I have to see the big stuff on tv 24/7.
I want to DO something. I need activity, but it has to be on my own terms because of the Lupus(can't be in sunlight, get exhausted easily, can't be in crowds or around children to catch something...) and Narcolepsy(can not drive). So I am limited to this house and this yard and my pets. Sometimes I go days without hearing more than two or three spoken sentences. I have no family, you guys know how the 'apostate' thingy works. I read so much sometimes my mind gets weary.
I really am open to suggestions. But they have to be realistic ones for me. I am really not depressed. I have talked to therapists and doctors in the past--I was told to learn how to live with my challenges. Yeah well, I can live with them, but no one else can. My aunt told me once that I was not made for this world. I think this world was not made for me!
Ravyn
sorry for being so self indulgent...i've been meaning to post this but had reached my limit, so i put it in another thread.. this still upsets me.
i don't know why it should...perhaps because i am, as my ex-husband stated, self-absorbed and childish.. but as part of my therapy, i present to you..... the car.
i don't drive and never have.
hey Rose Marie,
I was born and raised in South Jersey too.
Ravyn
