Or... if you would rather listen to it (much better) this web site has an audio.. it's way down at the bottom, click on the radio.
http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml
Misty
Mystla
JoinedPosts by Mystla
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4
Who's on 1st base?
by pobthespazz inone of my favourite movies of all time is rain man with t cruise and d hoffman, the scene when hoffman recites the 1st base dialogue from the abbot & costello film is priceless.
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does any one know the full script from the scene and does it signify anything?.
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4
Who's on 1st base?
by pobthespazz inone of my favourite movies of all time is rain man with t cruise and d hoffman, the scene when hoffman recites the 1st base dialogue from the abbot & costello film is priceless.
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does any one know the full script from the scene and does it signify anything?.
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Mystla
Here's the full script from Abbott and Costello (you gotta love 'em!):
Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Abbott: I certainly do.
Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Costello: You mean funny names?
Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
Costello: His brother Daffy.
Abbott: Daffy Dean...
Costello: And their French cousin.
Abbott: French?
Costello: Goofè.
Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You gonna be the coach too?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow's name.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playing...
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Who's playing first?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that gets...
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Who gets the money...
Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Abbott: What's wrong with that?
Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: How does he sign...
Abbott: That's how he signs it.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Yes.
PAUSE
Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Abbott: No. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: One base at a time!
Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.
Costello: I'm not changing nobody!
Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.
Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Abbott: That's right.
Costello: Ok.
Abbott: All right.
PAUSE
Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Costello: Now how did I get on third base?
Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.
Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Abbott: No. Who's playing first.
Costello: What's on first?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott: He's on third.
Costello: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?
Costello: Now who's playing third base?
Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Costello: What am I putting on third.
Abbott: No. What is on second.
Costello: You don't want who on second?
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Abbott: Who's playing first.
Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Abbott: No, What is on second.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first!
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: Because!
Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The pitcher's name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
Abbott: I'm telling you now.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!
Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Abbott: What's on second.
Costello: I don't know.
Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Costello: Gotta a catcher?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: The catcher's name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Abbott: Now you've got it.
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.
Abbott: So they tell me.
Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Abbott: That's all you have to do.
Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: Yes!
Costello: Now who's got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
PAUSE
Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's different.
Costello: That's what I said.
Abbott: You're not saying it...
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw it to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's what I said!
Abbott: You ask me.
Costello: I throw the ball to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Now you ask me.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Abbott: What?
Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
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30
Faders: Would you prefer attention from the elders or not?
by ringo5 inthis question may produce some flaming, but so be it.
i've noticed many are freaked out, annoyed, worried, or simply felt harrassed when faced with the prospect of a visit from the elders when trying to fade.
others, or at times the same ones, complain that they recieved no inquiry from them at all or very little.
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Mystla
I felt the same as abandoned. I dreaded their coming, I didn't know what I would say.. mostly because I hadn't really figured out why I didn't want to go back, I just knew I didn't and I knew that wasn't a good answer. But when that call never came I felt that the trust I had placed in the elders to look after me was misplaced, I felt like I had been decieved (which I now know was the case) I was in a pretty fragile state emotionaly at that point and that was very hard to take. I had grown up believing the elders would always be there for me, reality was very harsh.
Looking back now I am very glad they never called or dropped by.. I might have listened to them!! I never would have had the time to sort out the confusion in my head and learn to think for myself if they had continued thinking for me.
So, to sum up, I dreaded their coming and was pissed that they never did.
Misty
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25
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.
by AK - Jeff infi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.
cna yuo raed tihs?
olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.
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Mystla
I didn't have any trouble reading this at all... or your's, restrangled, my friend I've always been pretty good with patterns and word jumbles.. It's "common sense" that I can't figure out.
Misty
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22
My boyfriend left me for someone else yesterday.......
by kittyeatzjdubs inyep....'tis true....she's more entertaining, better looking, and apparently provides hours of ''fun activities''.
sometimes they get together with her one of her friends and play well into the night.... her name?.
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. xbox 360 and her friend gears of war.. lol...he got the gow game yesterday and stayed up till past midnight playing.
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Mystla
Hey, Little Drummer Boy... that's nice but can you count binary on your fingers?
The middle finger is 4, or 0100, so if my hubby or I annoys the other in public we just say "four" instead of flipping the bird.. that way no one gets offended!!
Oh.. and a double birdy is 132..for when you're really mad!
..of course it's all in fun, we don't really get mad at each other very often
Misty
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22
My boyfriend left me for someone else yesterday.......
by kittyeatzjdubs inyep....'tis true....she's more entertaining, better looking, and apparently provides hours of ''fun activities''.
sometimes they get together with her one of her friends and play well into the night.... her name?.
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. xbox 360 and her friend gears of war.. lol...he got the gow game yesterday and stayed up till past midnight playing.
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Mystla
I married a geek.. my motto is "if you can't beat em join em" We play together Otherwise I'd never get to do anything with him!
Example of his geekiness: his favorite t-shirt say's "there are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't" He gets a lot of "what the...."
I love my geek!!
Misty
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6
Enduring The Dark Season (poem)
by BrendaCloutier inenduring the dark season .
the sky painted with watercolour brush strokes.
even now at mid-day, in pastel pink and grays.
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Mystla
I've been thoroughly enjoying the "pinapple express" but then, like I said, I love rain It helps that I haven't had to be out and about in it, just watching it from inside.. except yesterday, we were going to go up to our property but the road was closed due to a mud slide. The next front will be a cold one, coming from the north this time.
We've had thunder rolling over us for a few hours.. kinda creepy cool.
Misty
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6
Enduring The Dark Season (poem)
by BrendaCloutier inenduring the dark season .
the sky painted with watercolour brush strokes.
even now at mid-day, in pastel pink and grays.
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Mystla
That was beautiful, did you write it?
Personally, I love winter. Being inside with a cup of hot cider, wrapped in my favorite blanket, a good book to read.. I hate the sticky inescapable heat of summer and I love rain.. Summer is chaos, winter is peace.. spring and fall are somewhere in-between
Misty
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22
Jehovah's witnesses in the movies.... funny stuff!
by gordon d inthis is a variation from the previous post: .
"learning to substitute jw terms and phrases for real ones, for example" .
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/123548/1.ashx .
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Mystla
JW---"He met with the elders on the JC last night... they DF's him"
"He crawled through 500 yards of smelling human foulness, I can only imagine and came out clean on the other side"
---Morgan Freeman...Shawshank RedemptionLaughed til I cried, thanks for the workout!
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2
Familiar with this place?
by carla inthey may need some help with answers here if you are up to it-.
http://www.answerbag.com/c_view.php/2160.
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Mystla
Thanks for the link, I made a few "anonymous" comments
Misty