Atillathejew

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Posts by Atillathejew

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  4

  switching the resentment

  by Atillathejew in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  for years i was in a state of depression that was so intense i attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal meth.

  i blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org.

  you can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times.

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  Atillathejew

  By no means do I hate my mother. I have forgiven, I don't feel I missed out because I made many dear friends from the hall. Some have left the organization along with me and some have ridden their friendship from me. I guess what I am saying is that I haven't adjusted fully because I was raised in it and my mother wasn't. So I guess she awakened as if from a bad dream and I was kind of thrown into the mix not really knowing how to act in the "world". I don't look down on this world I just can't adjust and I am sort of upset that my mother found it so easy to adjust. I have lots of friends who like me for me, even though I am the "weird one" or the "crazy" one. Anyways just finding this forum and writing in it brings back a lot weird tense feelings. I still feel I am doing something wrong by even acknoledging the fact that I have left, I don't know I am just really confused. But for the love of Pete, it has been 8 years!!!!!
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  11

  top 5 list

  by little witch in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  since my introduction post was so gloomy, i thought i would share with everyone my top 5 list of things i have done since my escape from the watchtower!.

  1) celebrating my birthday.

  2) decking out the christmas tree.

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  Atillathejew

  Heres a list of stuff I do or have done to heal myself

  1) went to a strip club

  2) Sleeved my right arm in personal images

  3) Made a lot of non-backstabbing non-coniving friends who share interests in music and humor

  4)had sex on a first date

  5) Converted to Judaism

  6) Invited Mormons into my home for a 7up

  7) Smoke a lot of cigarettes

  8) drink a lot of beer

  9) cry myself to sleep every friggen night
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  4

  switching the resentment

  by Atillathejew in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  for years i was in a state of depression that was so intense i attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal meth.

  i blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org.

  you can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
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  Atillathejew

  For years I was in a state of depression that was so intense I attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal Meth. I blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org. You can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times. But through my haze of drug induced insomnia I did a lot of research, went to college and picked up many "liberal" ideas at least "liberal" in the eyes of J.W.'s. Such as Women are equal, How the hell is adultery worse than child abuse and sexual battery? For years I related these feelings to my mother and now she has left and finally is happy and living an exciting life. But somehow I feel resentfull towards my mother for acquiring such a happy life so fricken fast. Here I am 8 years out of the loop unable to cope with my insecurities for leaving. I am an absolute social outcast because of my upbringing. I mean shit I am 26 and still cant hold a relationship for more than 2 weeks, I don't look people in the eye, I tear out all of my body hairs, I am an alcoholic, and I am unbearably shy when it comes to approaching women. And in the span of 1 month after leaving my mother who for years told me of my imminent death, gets an exciting life, has a great relationship, and feels absolutely no guilt!!!!!!

  How did she do that? And why am I so mad at her? Should I be? Anyone else with similar situations?
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  32

  XJWs what do U do with your TIME now

  by QUEENIE in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  what do you all do with your free time now guys..like hobbies and what not..like you pioneers there is 75 hrs you have to play around with if you know what i mean not to mention meetings and bible studying etc.

  please do share !!!

  (((((hugs)))) queenie

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  Atillathejew

  I play guitar

  I drink

  I play guitar

  I work

  I drink alone in the corner

  I rip my leg hairs

  I rip my arm hairs

  I converted to Judaism

  And feel constant guilt from now being a Jew

  and guilt from my immediate family

  Hooray Hooray Hooray!!!!!!!