Hello to all!
I was raised in a strict Mormon family, and schooled in the doctrine. Here's my response to the beliefs listed on this thread:
"What was with the coffee?"
The Mormon health code, (the Word of Wisdom), prohibits tobacco, alcohol, and "hot drinks." This has been officially clarified as meaning tea and coffee. Since both of these drinks contain caffeine, many Mormons also avoid cola drinks to be on the safe side. But, while abstinence from coffee is required to enter the temple - not the neighborhood chapel. Big difference - one can be a cola-drinker and enter go to the temple.
"I always remember thinking that the teaching about Jesus and how he supposedly came to America as strange. I still do."
This is true. Mormons believe that Jesus visited the people of America after he died and resurrected in Palestine.
"I also thought that the whole idea of the 12 heads of the church was somehow trying to replace the apostles."
This is exactly, overtly, what it is. The LDS church has a "prophet" who leads twelve "apostles." This is what they're called. It is believe that a church cannot be true unless it emulates what Christ did.
"Lets see: We will be Just like GOD and create our own universe."
Yes, this is Mormon belief.
"The gold plates that no one has ever seen."
True. Only a select few ever claimed to see them. Their existence is taken 100% on faith.
"All of the mythical kingdoms in the Book of Mormon that no one has ever found or heard of."
True. Not a speck of archeological evidence has ever verified the Book of Mormon.
"The beleif that we are all Angels with 'wool over our eyes'"
This sounds like the Mormon belief that all humans are literal spirit children of God, temporarily incarnated in a physical body, who have amnesia of their former life with God. Close enough.
"and the grand finally, the cross is evil- 'you would carry around a gun on your neck if your child was shot now would you..?????'"
While it is true that Mormons do not ornament their buildings with crosses, it is not out of the reasoning you express, which must be Watchtower doctrine. Mormons emphasize Jesus' resurrection over his death. But it is not uncommon to see paintings by Mormon artists depicting Christ hanging on the cross, (not a pole).
"I heard that a Mormon belief is that some of the "lost tribes of Israel" were to be found among the Native Americans (formerly called "Indians") here in North America."
Yes, that is Mormon doctrine.
"How about those undergarments!"
Yes, Mormons who have been through the temple ceremony, or endowment - again, something quite apart from regular Sunday worship - wear special undergarments for the rest of their lives.
"Didn't they find those gold plates a while ago? And were they not certified by the Mormon governing body as genuine? They were until it was revealed that they were well made fakes."
This never happened, but this may refer to the Hoffman forgeries. Back in the '80s, a master forger named Hoffman sold the LDS church historical documents that indicated Joseph Smith had been heavily involved in folk magic before founding the Mormon Church. While the documents were proven false, they were based on fact, and much real evidence on the subject has since come forth.
"Even black people were basically banned from the religion too if I remember, for quite a while."
No quite. They're have always been, (a very few), black people in the Mormon Church, but they could never hold the priesthood. Since holding the priesthood is necessary for a man to become a God in the next life, this was a very serious exclusion. The doctrine was that they descended from Cain, the first murderer. While they were our brothers in the pre-existence with God, they were not valiant in the fight against Lucifer there, and so were penalized on earth by being born in the black race. This doctrine has since been deconstructed, and Blacks can now hold the priesthood.
"Or you need to have kids so the Angels can come down and be tested."
Yes, the doctrine is that all humans are spirit offspring of God, who come to earth to be schooled, (tested). Traditionally, Mormons have been encouraged to have large families so that more spirits could be raised in families with "the truth."
The Mormon doctrine is that gods, angels, and humans are all the same race, but in different stages of development. Perhaps a good analogy would be caterpillars turning into butterflies?
"Oh, and my FAVORITE- The Baptism of the DEAD! Why do you think the Mormons run all those family history sites???? There Baptising all of your Dead relatives!! Bunch of nuts!!"
Yes, nutty, but true. Mormons believe that people who die without the "truth" are kept in spirit prison. Baptism is essential for all, and so living people perform the ordinance in behalf of dead persons.
"It also makes me Angry that I will be unable to go to my best friends wedding."
Yes, it is very rude. Mormon "celestial marriages" are only performed in the temple. Since only Mormons in good standing may enter, many are excluded.
Some Mormons are more diplomatic, and have two ceremonies: one temple, the other open to the public in the chapel. But this is looked down on by many as demeaning the temple ceremony.
"God has a physical body and is represented in pictorials as being blond (blonds are more celestial than brunettes)."
Yes, God is believed to have a physical body, but it's not really blonde. It's white. Not white as in Caucasian, but white as in staring into the sun.
"Heaven is made up of 7 levels, and if humans knew how wonderful even the lowest level was, they would commit suicide to get there. Only truly evil people wont go to heaven."
While people say "I'm in seventh heaven" to mean that they're really happy, it doesn't come from Mormonism. Mormons only believe in three levels of heaven. And yes, Joseph Smith said that if you could see even the lowest, you would be tempted to kill yourself to get there.
"One of my boys try too convince mee that Mormons and JW are once started of llumanari leaders to control peoepl, if you loook on who are fore exampel in the bilderbergergroup,, it is an intresting point, who nows, perhaps he is on something here, eve if I say he is crayzy."
Lots of people speculate about this. The Mormon temple ritual is obviously taken from Freemasonry, with certain changes. Joseph Smith and most of the early leaders were Masons. There is even evidence that the mob that killed Joseph was made up of Masons, exacting revenge for his stealing and altering their secrets. This is a big, interesting subject.
Thanks! That was fun.