Welcome doubtfull 1799
My experience in jw land is very similar to your's. I was in my mid 60's before I finally 'had enough and walked away'. Baptized at 12, pioneered for years, 18 months in prison for draft evasion during the Viet Nam war. Decades as an elder, you know the story.
When I finally realized that I had been duped for basically my whole life, it put me into a very dangerous downward spiral both mentally and emotionally. I checked myself into a mental health facility because I was also very suicidal. It took a bit of time, but I recovered and am happier now that ever because I'm no longer a captive of a contrived concept.
One cannot recover those lost years or even decades (damn), but we only live in one direction and making the most of what lies ahead is truly the best therapy. Hang in there and get into something that you always wanted to do. Life is to f**king short to not enjoy the things that bring you true happiness and satisfaction.
Contrary to wt teaching, this thing that we call LIFE is to be enjoyed-not just endured!
just saying!