I woke up this morning to a bright, sunny day and a canary singing outside my window. As I happily strolled to the shower, my cat wandered between my legs and tripped me up. I tried to catch myself on the towel rack and tore it out of the wall and hit myself in the back of the head with it knocking me face first into the toilet, which I soon found had not been flushed by my room-mate earlier this morning.
All of that might have just been a coincidence, but things never got better. After I?d taken a cold shower (because my roommate had used up all the hot water) and washed all the piss off my face, I got out and started getting ready for work. As I was about to fix some breakfast I got a phone call from the girl I?ve been dating. She told me that she thought I was a great guy, but she wasn?t looking for a great guy and had been cheating on me with my roommate since our second date.
That didn?t add anything to the day. I moped into the kitchen, only to find the trash scattered all over the floor and my two dogs fighting over a taco bell bag. After I?d cleaned the mess up, I didn?t have much time to eat, so I grabbed a box of cheerios and a bottle of milk, the cereal was fine, but the milk had expired four days ago, so I was basically pouring clumps of rotten milk on my cereal. I said screw it and threw it in the sink and grabbed myself an apple and ran out the door.
As I was driving to work and eating the apple, I tasted something nasty and looked down at my apple only to find half a worm. I wasn?t concentrating on driving as I was spitting out the remnants of the apple and accidentally side-swiped a mailbox, knocking the mailbox and my left rearview mirror onto the ground and putting a dent in my passenger side door. I jumped out of the car and grabbed my mirror and threw it into my floorboard. About that time, the people that lived in the house came out and started spouting off some expletives and yelled at me about how their day had been so horrible so far and this was the topper. That lasted for a good ten minutes, and then I was already late for work.
I tried to call into work to say I was going to be late but I kept on getting a busy signal. And I ended up being extra late because I happened to get to the train tracks just as the damn train was coming. That held me up for a good fifteen minutes due to the fact that the train seemed to be purposefully screwing with me by coming to a complete stop, backing up and moving forward over and over and I ended up being thirty minutes late to work. My boss got all over me and told me that I should have called and when I told him that I had tried but got a busy signal, he basically told me I was lying and that it better never happen again unless I want a new job and if it was less hectic today he?d consider firing me right now.
So I started working and found that half my loads had fallen through and the customers were pissed off that their products weren?t going to be getting out today at the right time and one yelled at me about how this was going to cost him $50k and he wasn?t going to sue the company I work at, he was going to sue me. But other than all that stuff, it?s been a great day. Wait, is that a meteor in the sky coming my way.