Posts by Miss.Fit

91

Open letter Re: Mr. Bowen, Mrs. Anderson

by Prime in

"jws leaders need to mandate elder bodies to uniformly report abuse to the authorities no matter what jurisdiction; prohibit elders from being involved in any investigative process to decide guilt or innocence in place of the authorities; do away with the two-witness rule to determine, as if they were magistrates, guilt or innocence of someone accused; prohibit so-called repentant molesters from engaging in the door-to-door ministry, and always inform the congregation if a convicted or confessed molester is meeting with them.

" -barbara anderson .

this is another reason why the watchtower society doesn't require that the elders uniformly report abuse to the authorities no matter what jurisdiction.

Miss.Fit

Sorry having problems with my browser.

We knew about the 2 witness rule. So did he. Thats why he threatened them and told them not to tell each other.

I pleaded with them to come forward. One sister was 13 and the other was 10. I knew I couldn' t becUsit was hear say if they did not back me up.

The thing was we knew what he was doing was wrong and that he had no business being an elder. We had other reasons for not calling the authorities but we knew we could call the elders. They were there to protect us.

I won' t go into the details but we did end up coming foward. It was hard. The elders never told us we had the option to go to the authorities. They let my mom make the decision we were not consulted.

I don't knowif things are done differently now, but I feel like we did not have someone looking out for us. All the adults had their iwn agenda.

91

Open letter Re: Mr. Bowen, Mrs. Anderson

by Prime in

"jws leaders need to mandate elder bodies to uniformly report abuse to the authorities no matter what jurisdiction; prohibit elders from being involved in any investigative process to decide guilt or innocence in place of the authorities; do away with the two-witness rule to determine, as if they were magistrates, guilt or innocence of someone accused; prohibit so-called repentant molesters from engaging in the door-to-door ministry, and always inform the congregation if a convicted or confessed molester is meeting with them.

" -barbara anderson .

this is another reason why the watchtower society doesn't require that the elders uniformly report abuse to the authorities no matter what jurisdiction.

Miss.Fit

Prime: something to think about when you are quoting policies and legalities:

Most children in the "Truth" are taught that the elders are there to protect them. Sometimes they are the only ones the child can turn to. In an abusive situation the child has been conditioned to live and keep a secret. Especially if the child has been raised in the "Truth". The idea of not bringing reproach on Jehovah's Organization is deeply ingrained.

This is a weapon the abuser can use to manipulate the victim to remain silent. The thing is this child is usually trained to know what he is doing is wrong.

Try to imagin the courage it would take for that child to come forward. They are counting on the elders to protect them and put their interests first. They were taught if someone is doing something wrong go to the elders. They are expecting the elders to take care of it.

You might not have had to deal with a case but I lived it. Let me tell you. I 12 when I discovered what my elder dad was doing to my sister. it had been going on for years. I found out because he started on another one of my sisters and she told me.

Guess what one of the first things she said? If we tell they will remove him as an elder it could stumble somone. If he goes to jail it will bring reproach on Gods name.

Even at 12 , I knew the 2 witness rule. I tried to get my sisters to tell. I knewI

I

62

This is my first time. Please be patient.

by Miss.Fit in

i have never posted before.

i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.

the subject of child abuse caught my eye.

Miss.Fit

SAHS: I did not realize how deeply I was conditioned to keeping the secret until I read your post. I experiencef an extreme knee jerk reaction. I read report to authorities and I shut down.

Iown Mylife: thank you for bteaking down SAHS main point:about victims achieving closure by seeking justice.

Also thank you to everyone else for your support and advice. Rereading your posts made me realize that a lot of you knew what I was doing and were giving me gentle proddings.

My phone keeps dropping my posts before I can submit. I will post some more about the control and power those people had over us and how mom found out.

Ps can anyone yell me how you use the quote button?

259

Prayers that God answers. Any examples?

by punkofnice in

when i believed in god i tried not to pray for anything selfish.. after a while i began to think that a lot of things i was asking my imaginary friend in the sky for were selfish for some reason.. i do not ever remember a single thing i prayed for ever being answered.

if there was the appearance of an answer it was because i did mental gymnastics to make it fit the delusion that god had actually answered me.

there was never an obvious message/answer from god.

Miss.Fit

DCMS: This thread reminds me of an"ancedote": There was this very faithful man who was caught in a flash flood. The waters were getting higher and higher. He prayed to God to save him. Rescue workers came by in a boat and told him to get in the waters were getting high and he should leave with them. No he says, I prayed to God and I know he will save me.

Finally they give up and leave him so they can help others. The water is getting high and the rain is coming down harder. He is now on the top of his roof. He prays harder. A rescue chopper comes by. They tell him to hurry and get in the water is getting higher and they are running out of time. He says , no I prayed and I know God will save me. Go help someone else.

Finally the water got so high the man drowned. So he goes to heaven and sees God . He goes up to him and says Lord what happened? I had faith that you would answer my prayers and save me.

God looks at him and shakes his head and says: What are you talking about? I sent you a boat and a chopper!

Miss.Fit

259

Prayers that God answers. Any examples?

by punkofnice in

when i believed in god i tried not to pray for anything selfish.. after a while i began to think that a lot of things i was asking my imaginary friend in the sky for were selfish for some reason.. i do not ever remember a single thing i prayed for ever being answered.

if there was the appearance of an answer it was because i did mental gymnastics to make it fit the delusion that god had actually answered me.

there was never an obvious message/answer from god.

Miss.Fit

EP, puncky, shirley, what is your definition of concret proof? Do you need witnesses, pictures, news stories, lightning strikes, a voice from heaven, signed letter from god ? Just wondering.

62

This is my first time. Please be patient.

by Miss.Fit in

i have never posted before.

i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.

the subject of child abuse caught my eye.

Miss.Fit

@laverite- thank you for support.

@rebel8- this happened over 40 years ago. I am pretty sure it is way to late to do anything legally.

I have lost contact with him . He would be in his 80s now. I know his name but that is all.

I am not looking for compensation or want to be used to throw the JWs under the bus. people that have been abused as children know it affects the rest of their lives- who do you trust? How can you trust anything when the people you depended on- the person who taught every thing you knew turned out to be evil?

This may not be a popular statement but I really in my heart believe that the reason I had the courage to tell someone about the abuse was because of the meetings. We were taught Jehovah hates this conduct. FP dad did not take into account that my love for Jehovah trumped my fear of him. We knew we could go to the elders. They did remove him. I must admit that the urge or instict to not bring reproach on gods name was deeply ingrained.

About 9 months after we outed him,we ended up back with our biomom. She was reinstated and healthy. (Long story) The FPs had such a strong hold on us that we were conviced not to tell our mom. We moved in with her - she lived in another state

Eventually my sisters and I ended back with my bio mom who was now reinstated and

I think people need to remember that these victims are real people with real lives. Each case is different .

62

This is my first time. Please be patient.

by Miss.Fit in

i have never posted before.

i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.

the subject of child abuse caught my eye.

Miss.Fit

@abiblestudent: yes I heard of her through your board so I googled her. That is one of the reasons I posted. It brought up a lot of memories. I had always disagreed with the way the elders handled our case. The adults surrounding us had their own agenda and we had nobody to speak for our interest. Myself FPmom did not want to face the shame, and she would not have been able to support herself he was in jail. And where would we go?

My case is way to old to sue. I wanted to put another voice to the discussion.

Shirleyw: this was in the late 60s early seventies. Please understand the control these people had over us. They moved us far away from everyone who knew us. They covinced us that it was for our owb good that noboby knew we were in foster care. They told us horror stories of life in an institution. They repeatedly told us how greatful we should be by all of their sacrifice. When we got a visit from social services we were terrified of being taken away.

To everyone else: thank you for you kind words and encouragenent.

I do not blame the organization for what happened. I spent a long time working through my issues. I can relate to a lot of the feelings I have read while I was lurking. It is a relief to know that there are others that have similar feelings.

62

This is my first time. Please be patient.

by Miss.Fit in

i have never posted before.

i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.

the subject of child abuse caught my eye.

Miss.Fit

Jookbeard- no my mother was not the worst. She really trusted these people. I do not believe that JWs are he dregs. I believe he would have done this whether he was a JW or not. I blame the foster system who did not check on us.

I am an on and off fader. Iwas baptized right before I found out about everything. Part of the reasonwhy was I wanted approval and to please him. When we finally told FPmom she went straight to the elders. We had arranged to tell her when he was gone.

I was bitter for a long time. The elders did not report vecause FP mom convinced them that we had no where to go. If they told social services would take us away. FPdad sId he was sorry and ge thought he was possessed . Maybe by something ny mom had sent us. So we gad to go through everything she sent and throw it away in case it was demonized. Then they removed him as an elder but did not tell anyone why. He still lived with us but we were told thar 2 of us had to be with him at all tines. No one should be alone with him

.

I have a clear memory of an incident. After everything came out, I remember FPdad going to hug little sis goodnight and she shrank away. FP mom was mad and made her apologize for hurting his feelings.

62

This is my first time. Please be patient.

by Miss.Fit in

i have never posted before.

i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.

the subject of child abuse caught my eye.

Miss.Fit

The thing is I knew about the 2 witnesses rule. I tried to get sis to tell someone. She was afraid nobody would believe her. We were conditioned to always make FPElder look good.Then I found out that he had been messing with my little sis for years. I tried to get her to tell but she was too scared. I didn't know what to do. We were always told that if it werent for them , we would be in a state home. We had no where to go.

The next meeting day he wanted to stay home to work on the house. He wanted one of the girls to stay and "help " him. Imagine my horror when he suggested my littlest sister who was 8 . He didn't know that I knew. I volunteered to stay home. I wasnt going to put my sisters in that position again.

He started his routine but I was ready and would not play along. He finally gave up the pretense and put me on his lap and fondled me and then told me if told anyone he would say I was exagerating. I did not confront him because I was afraid of him.

I did call a meeting with my sisters. This was wrong. We could not live like this. I knew if I could talk one of my sisters into telling with me I would have 2 witnesses. We could not call the police. We did not want to go to the state home and we did not want to put reproach on gods name.

We just knew he should not be an elder. And maybe if the elders and FP mom knew he would stop.

That is why I believe you cant always expect the victim to report to authorities. The molester knows how to naipulate

62

This is my first time. Please be patient.

by Miss.Fit in

i have never posted before.

i have been lurking for a few days and have decided to give it a try.

the subject of child abuse caught my eye.

Miss.Fit

The worst part is the betrayal of someone you trusted. One of the worst beatings i got was for a percieved lie.

The only time we got positive responses was when we made him look good. I learned to bw a good JW. Great coments for my age. I could whip up talk in 10 minutes at age 10. I was good at what i did. JW was my whole identity. My life was a lie. I learned the meaning of hypocritical when I found out he was having my sisters lie about where they were. He would take them out in the boonies to park and they would say he was teaching them to drive. He was doing evil things and then beating us for small disgressions. He was going to meetings doing elder duties.

Was it wrong of me to be as upset about the beatings as the molestations?

When I was 12 l came home from the meeting to find my older foster sister crying. She had stayed home from the meeting with him to help him around the house. Instead he raped her. There was this routine he would use: He would say he could hypnotise her so she would be good and not get in trouble. Then he would go through the motions and she would pretend to be under because she was afraid of him. She did not struggle she submitted out of fear. I guess he had been easing up to thw big evebt and she had not expected hin to go all the way. She did not know how to stop him. When I got home and saw her she told me how much she hated the b*****.