@garyneal: it is really hard to stay out if you have jw family close by.
My mom lived out of state so it was easier on me. Is your wife close with your side of the family?
I thinkin my case I wanted the social part. The only friends I had were JWs.
I wish you and your wife all the best.
To my dear husband:
I never told you this: I used to hate it when someone would ask about you. They wouldn be sympathtic because you wers an UBM. They would ask if you were opposed ..just think how much encouragment and sympathy i would have gotten if I could tell them you were opposed and abusive. But I was boring my hubby never stood in my way.
It was very hard to leave you at home. Then when the kids got older , they stayed home.
I just wanted to say that I now know I dont have to put myself through that anymore.
You might have notice d that I have been home more and more lately. I am tired of the yo yo
I choose you. I choose us. I believe a god of love would approve.
Thank you f or supporting me and giving me unconditional love.
Your loving wife
@garyneal: how did you meet? Did she tell you up front she was a JW? Is she trying to go back?
To my dear husband:
You never knew that I was already grieving for you in my heart. I really believed gods judgment was coming. But I knew you. You have a good heart. If I could see it , why couldnt Jehovah? It must be me. I am not winning you by my conduct. After all I miss a lot of meetings, I compromise a lot... we go to your grandmas birthday reunion and Easter dinner. Sure I can rationize it but I am a bad example and so it will be my fault when you die.
I would come home from the assembly and tell you I was going to go back to meetings and get active. You would just smile. You knew. For 26 years you have watched me yo yo bac k and forth. You knew I would always c hoose you. But you were wise enough to let me figure it out my self.
I never told you this... sometimes I secretly wished you would ask me to stay home with you. If you had somethng planned I would have stayed. You make a good excuse. People know I have an Ubm and so I have an excuse.
You were very smart. You never put me on the defensive. You just let me know your view and accepted my right to have my view. We agreed that we would not force a religon on our kids. You told me I could take the kidd but if they did not want to go they did not have to . I am sorry if I ever made you feel2nd best. Y
All: sorry about my posting. I am posting on my phone. It only lets me write so much and then I have to submit before I lose it.
@garyneal: thatis the point I am trying to get accross. Most nonJws. will not be able to understand that concept. Was your wife raised in ? We are taught that we must follow the org. Instructions and we if we dont we are disobeying Jehovah. So in that sense we did
choose our mates over our religion. Being on this site has made me understand the mind control.
But the guiltis very real and constant.At the meetings we are told about how disloyal it is. Do you know how hard it was to sit through the "dont marry unbelievers " articles? I was in tears. I felt I had betrayed god. But I also knew what a loving man I had married. B ut I was told how he would die at the great T. Then I would feel guilty because I couldnt get him in.
The thing is he never misrepresented himself...I knew exactly what I was getting. I dont think he could say the same.
You never did forgive my mother for not coming to our wedding. She said she couldnt afford to make the trip. I knew if I asked you, you would have paid her way. I think it was easier this way. I did not invite my middle sister because I did not want to put her in an akward position. My sis...well she came any way...I should have known.
I am so sorry that I equated loving you and marrying you with sinning. I never told you that. What we have together should be celebrated.
My dear husband you have been so patient with me.
For the first 2 years of our marriage.. I was totaly inactive. Remember when you took me to your mom's house and we all went out on her land and chopped down a christmas tree? That was my first christmas. I really tried but I could not get into it.
One day a J W sister came to the door. I really cant explain why I felt the need to go back. I felt I had a chance to redeem myself.
You did not standin my way. You told me if it made me happy to do it but you didn't believe in it. You always said you didn't need a
group to tell you how to worship god. I never told you how lonely I felt going to the meetings without you. I would see couples together and feel sad. I did not listen to the orgs. Counsel.. I was unevenly yoked...and it was my choice.
I never told you that one of my burdens wad knowing
Sorry having trouble posting.
I let you know up front that I was saving myself for my future husband. I was not interested in casual sex. You agreed you would respect my wishes.
Looking back , I see how selfish I was being. I wanted the best of both worlds. I knew I wouldnt be dfd for dating but being imoral was another story.
My heart was divided. I knew deep down I was going to have to make a choice. you asked me to marry you. Remember how I told you I had to think about it?
You didn't know ....I couldnt find a way to explain what was at stake for me...or how it would affect you. but what you didn't know was when I gave myself to you ..that was my answer.. I knew then I had choosen a life with you and had turned my back on everything I was taught and believed. I knew I had sinned against god by not waiting for my wedding night.
I saw myself as dead I knew I wouldnt see paradise. I also knew better than to confess. I knew what happened.
Your family embraced me.
I was very inexperienced but was determined to keep my virtue. You didn't know this but I had arranged for my friend to stop by the DD to check you out. We wanted to make sure you weren t an axe murderer.
She gave you a thumbs up. I arranged for her to meet me later.
We had a great time. I was trying to bury my guilt about breaking the rules. But you were so sweet and considerate. I could not see how it could be wrong to spend time with you.
Remember how fast I jumped out of your car when you got to my car? You leaned over and I was already out the door.
I figured that I had blown it. But the next day you sent over a dozen roses with a note that said" same time same place"and then called me at work to see if I got them. How could I resist? After the second date you asked if I trusted you enough to let you see where I live so you could pick me up f or our next date.
Sweetheart you will never know how much courage it took for me to tell you I was a JW. Do you remember the talk I had with you. I was trying to live in 2 worlds. I wanted to be honest with you. I didn
. we laughed about how fast I jumped out of your car after you. Broght me back to my car. Remember how you leaned over toward me......and how fast
I will address this to my own UBM:
honey I can't believe that we have been married for over 26 years. every year my love for you has grown. remember when we met? I was working at a fast food place, and you would come in and order two sandwiches and a large drink everyday.
I was 19 andliving on my own.
You did not know this at the time,that I was a struggling J. W.I was raised to believe that it was wrong to date anyone that was not A Jay. W.but what can I say ? You had a beautiful smile and when you asked me out I had to say yes. I almost changed my mind..but my co-workers cheered me on and my best friend was dating a non JW and she seemed happy. So I decided to take a chance. There wasn't very many prospects at the hall and I was lonely.
Remember how I made you meet me at the Duncan donuts?
After all you were "worldly"aand I didn't know you. I was really scared and nervous I was going against everything I had been taught.
To all you non JWs who have married a JW.....or ex-jw who decided to go back...
I do not claim to speak for all JW spouses who decided to marry out of the faith. But I might give you some perspective and insight to your mate.
If you can bear with me and my posting I will tell you my side of the story.
Missy
