Posts by Daniel1555

31

Effect of family life (me, wife and young boy) if I am df / da and wife zealous jw

by Daniel1555 in

jw
friends

i have a question and hope to hear some experiences of you who went or are going through this situation:.

actually for several reasons (blood policy, disfellowshipping policy and some more) my conscience is telling me quite strongly, that i should not anymore be a part of that organization.. my wife and even elders know about my doubts (except blood policy).

however i continue to join the meetings actually just to please my wife and to be together with our baby boy.

Daniel1555

Dear friends,

You give me a lot of things to think about.

Inside I am not bound anymore by the Watchtower beliefs. Over the last couple of years I studied a lot about different topics and kind of built "my own belief (I believe in a Creator who made everything in a wonderful way but probably through evolution, pacifiscm and human rights, respect nature and other people, beliefs).

I didn't talk to my wife about these things to influence her, but I told her about my belief. First I thought she respected my change of belief. But that year she became colder and colder and a distance started to develop. As I asked what I have to do, that we can be closer, she said that I have to change my beliefs and feelings (to be watchtower conform again). I told her, that I can not just betray my conscience and that it is important to respect each others beliefs.

Now today (I have my parents in law at our home), my mother in law just talked to me about how unhappy my wife is because of me not being the spiritual head of the family. She said if I don't want to loose my wife, I should change and become spiritual (to watchtower doctrine) again. I am spiritual, just in another way.

I told her about different reasons why I lost confidence in the organisation. We discussed the blood issue and I showed her logical points, and I asked how I would have to react, if the doctors say our baby need a transfusion. Her answer was. "Just like the organisation is saying." But the organisation has different rules in different countries (my wife is from germany and I am from switzerland). I showed her reasons, why the bible does not speak against a blood transfusion and showed her some inconsistencys about the fractions.

Probably I told my mother in law too much.

But anyway I have to discuss with my wife about the blood issue and how we react if our little boy is in an emergency. Here another "blood card" needs to be filled out and my wife takes it seriously (to have copies and so on).

The thing is. I cannot lie to my wife.

We will see how it continues. I try hard to spend a lot of time with her and our little boy and to be a good father and husband.

31

Effect of family life (me, wife and young boy) if I am df / da and wife zealous jw

by Daniel1555 in

jw
friends

i have a question and hope to hear some experiences of you who went or are going through this situation:.

actually for several reasons (blood policy, disfellowshipping policy and some more) my conscience is telling me quite strongly, that i should not anymore be a part of that organization.. my wife and even elders know about my doubts (except blood policy).

however i continue to join the meetings actually just to please my wife and to be together with our baby boy.

Daniel1555

Well, do you think my boy would suffer if i am da?

Our only friends are witness families with little kids? If i am da, then we couldn't spend time with them as a family. My wife and my boy could, but not if I am there too.

So whenever they want to spend time with them, I have to go away or do something else.

Did you experience situations like this? Was your child suffering?

31

Effect of family life (me, wife and young boy) if I am df / da and wife zealous jw

by Daniel1555 in

jw
friends

i have a question and hope to hear some experiences of you who went or are going through this situation:.

actually for several reasons (blood policy, disfellowshipping policy and some more) my conscience is telling me quite strongly, that i should not anymore be a part of that organization.. my wife and even elders know about my doubts (except blood policy).

however i continue to join the meetings actually just to please my wife and to be together with our baby boy.

Daniel1555

Hello

I have a question and hope to hear some experiences of you who went or are going through this situation:

Actually for several reasons (blood policy, disfellowshipping policy and some more) my conscience is telling me quite strongly, that I should not anymore be a part of that organization.

My wife and even elders know about my doubts (except blood policy). However I continue to join the meetings actually just to please my wife and to be together with our baby boy. Maybe once a month I join them in field service. It is though very hard to do that, as my conscience is affected by these unloving policies and I feel for sure that God is not behind this organisation.

Thats why my question:

What would be the consequences on family life if I disassociate myself?

Are there some of you who went through the same process?

Thanks for your answers

23

has shunning been downplayed?

by chickpea in

jw
friends

several times over the course of a year or so, jws from the kh i attended have been downright chatty during happenstance crossing of paths... .

wth is up with that?

i have no grudges against any of them, but it is confusing as all get out to have left the cult as an ardent supporter of my out, open, front page headlining transgender son, becoming vocally and decidely apostate knowing i was dead to them... now after at least a half decade out, to have them chummy-ing up to me in a check-out line.... frankly, i would rather they look the other way, you know, if none of them would ever genuinely want to know how my son is doing.

Daniel1555

I am still in, and I can tell you. Shunning has not been downplayed.

The society has turned even stricter about shunning. In several articles over the last years they have written that we should even shun family members, having not the slightest communication and not even by E-mail.

I was an elder, and especially shunning (among other doubts) led me to step down as an elder.

It shows me, that God is not behind the Warchtower organisation. Recently I spoke to one elder about this unloving and unbiblical shunning. I told him, that it can lead to great depression and suicide. The only thing he could tell me was: Discipline always hurts.

I told myself in my heart: I would never shun someone anymore. If I meet a df person somewhere I would normally talk to him. Recently I opened the doir at the Kingdom Hall to a df person. I greeted him normally.

Not to do that is in my opinion against several human rights articles.

Maybe the ones you met had similar feelings.

6

Diseases transmitted through Watchtower approved blood fractions?

by Daniel1555 in

i am sure you know the answer.. .

is it possible that hiv, hepathitis and other diseases could be transmitted by watchtower approved blood fractions?.

if yes, by which fraction?.

Daniel1555

Well, thank you very much for your answers. I will study your information, marvin.

I am just gathering some facts for discussion with my wife one day.

6

Diseases transmitted through Watchtower approved blood fractions?

by Daniel1555 in

i am sure you know the answer.. .

is it possible that hiv, hepathitis and other diseases could be transmitted by watchtower approved blood fractions?.

if yes, by which fraction?.

Daniel1555

I am sure you know the answer.

Is it possible that HIV, Hepathitis and other diseases could be transmitted by Watchtower approved Blood Fractions?

If yes, by which fraction?

80

hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so.

by seasickbumblebee in

alshello.

i'm a practicing jw.

finally decided to create an account to see whether you could all help me.. so i am engaged to this wonderful wonderful man and in three months time we'll be married.

Daniel1555

Hello,

I understand very good that you are confused.

I am also an "active" witness with doubts. I am married to a over zealous sister who follows anything that the organisation says, even if it is not logic.

Because of her not accepting or respecting my doubts, we have a very difficult marriage at the moment.

I think the most imporant thing for you, is to talk to your future husband about your doubts. I tell, you can not bury your doubts, one time they will come up again. You have to find answers for yourself. By talking to him about this, you will find out, if he really loves you, or if he put "the organisation" first.

And by the way, you have plans to get married soon, so your "heavy petting" is a normal reaction to the love that you are feeling.

I wish you all the best.

Daniel

22

Telling my wife that I would accept a blood transfusion

by Daniel1555 in

this is my first post here.. first a few details about myself.

i am 33, married, from switzerland and i have a little baby boy.

i am still a jehovah's witness and i am still attending the meetings.

Daniel1555

Thank you sarahsmile and jwfacts.

Jwfacts: with some people (many jw and also my wife) you can reason with a lot of facts and the only answer is; "the light gets brighter" or "we have to wait on Jehovah."

As you said, misguided people have let their child die. That's why it is important that she knows the facts and about my conscience decision. I just have to find the right time and right words.

Jwfacts. Thank you so much for your website. It is of such a great value.

22

Telling my wife that I would accept a blood transfusion

by Daniel1555 in

this is my first post here.. first a few details about myself.

i am 33, married, from switzerland and i have a little baby boy.

i am still a jehovah's witness and i am still attending the meetings.

Daniel1555

Dear friends,

Thank you very much for all your fast and good advice.

Most of you say it is best to be quiet about that. Well, it gives me a lot to think about.

I am actually not a person who likes to pretend something different for what I think. That's why for example I wrote to the elders a letter about some of my doubts (I must say these elders are very loving). A few times they wanted to meet with me to reason about them. It was interesting as I asked why there are so many changes in doctrine, if the Governing Body is spirit directed (especially with a view to the Faithful and Discreet Slave change of understanding). Our presiding overseer told me, that this is something that we all have to chew on and that in our society nothing is fix. I also asked him how he would react, if his bible study said, that if he becomes a witness, all of his family would completely shun him. I showed him the Awake article that says "nobody should be forced to choose between his religion and his family." Moreover I told him, that this shunning is leading to huge depressions and sometimes suicide. Well, the only thing that he could tell me was, "the rules are clear; discipline is always painful."

With my wife I can no longer discuss things like that (I also don't want to destroy her faith as everyone has freedom of religion and conscience).

Nevertheless I think that she has to know one time, about my true feelings about blood transfusions. This is a life and death matter, especially if our child is involved.

But probably I will wait about telling her and to do my best to be a good husband. Probably I will ask her how she would react, if our child is in a life threatening situation.

In the last elders school, they told us to cooperate with doctors when a minor is involved and not insist on no blood transfusion (just tell them of our blood less wishes). If we would insist on no blood, this could lead to taking away the right to care for the child.

Thank you again very much. It is very good to see, that a lot of others were going to similar situations.

22

Telling my wife that I would accept a blood transfusion

by Daniel1555 in

this is my first post here.. first a few details about myself.

i am 33, married, from switzerland and i have a little baby boy.

i am still a jehovah's witness and i am still attending the meetings.

Daniel1555

Hello

This is my first post here.

First a few details about myself. I am 33, married, from Switzerland and I have a little baby boy. I am still a Jehovah's witness and I am still attending the meetings. 2 years ago I stepped back as an elder (elder for 2 years). Already a long time I harboured doubts about different topics (disfellowshipping and shunning, birthday, global flood, Old testament wars and genocides and some more). I couldn't bear it longer, to be an elder. So I told other elders about my doubts and that I would like to step back.

They accepted my resignation. I also told my wife about my doubts. Over the years, my doubts became certainties and I found out more about my religion that I can no longer call it "the truth." Nevertheless, I don't like to disassociate myself, as that would create a lot of problems for my wife and my little son.

Is there someone who is disfellowshipped or disassociated and wife and children still active Jehovah's witnesses? How do you react, if your wife or your children would like to be together with witness friends or invite witness friends?

My wife is a very zealous sister and she obeys to anything that the faithful and discreet slave is saying. First she was sad about my thoughts but accepted, that I have different views. But suddenly, she was becoming very cold and distant towards me. The reason was, she says, because of my doubts. That made me very sad to the point of a depression.

With a lot of time, our relationship started becoming a little better, and she seems to accept, that I have different views.

Last year during the operation of my wife (childbirth of my son), I asked myself how I would react, if something goes wrong and I'd have to decide about a blood transfusion for my her (I think she would without problem refuse a transfusion even if it meant death). My conscience told me, that I couldn't bear it, to be guilty for her death and that my son would grow up without a mother. Of course I never told her about that.

I studied now in detail about the blood issue. For me it is clear, that I would accept in a life-threatening situation a blood transfusion (especially also for our little boy). I know now all the reasons, why the bible does not speak against a blood transfusion. I know about all the changes in the Watchtowers blood policy (also about transplants and vaccinations).

Now I have 2 possibilities:

1. To tell my wife about my conscience decision, that I would allow a blood transfusion in a medical urgency (for myself and for my baby and even for her). I already wrote a letter to her about all the reasons why I think like that.

The effect might be, that she is shocked and wouldn't let me decide if she is unconscious. Maybe she will run to the elders with the effect that I am disfellowshipped. Or she might herself start to think about the reasons. I have no idea how she would react.

2. I do not tell her anything. If there would be a medical urgency in the future, she would find out about my true thoughts at that time.

Positive would be, that if she is unconscious I could still "give in" and not let her die. But I hate it not to be honest to her. Moreover I would have to go through life with this "No blood" patient paper.

My question now: What would you do in this situation?