Effect of family life (me, wife and young boy) if I am df / da and wife zealous jw

by Daniel1555 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  Daniel1555

  Hello

  I have a question and hope to hear some experiences of you who went or are going through this situation:

  Actually for several reasons (blood policy, disfellowshipping policy and some more) my conscience is telling me quite strongly, that I should not anymore be a part of that organization.

  My wife and even elders know about my doubts (except blood policy). However I continue to join the meetings actually just to please my wife and to be together with our baby boy. Maybe once a month I join them in field service. It is though very hard to do that, as my conscience is affected by these unloving policies and I feel for sure that God is not behind this organisation.

  Thats why my question:

  What would be the consequences on family life if I disassociate myself?

  Are there some of you who went through the same process?

  Thanks for your answers
• 

  zeb

  field service and you hold serious doubts? The biggest journey begins with the first step.
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  XstuckX

  I'm in a similar situation. Although my wife isn't quite as zealous. Our meeting attendance is very sporadic. She doesn't have doubts like me....she's just lazy and doesn't want to go. I think the main question is do you want to have contact with family and friends who are jws? If you do....fading is the way to go. If you dont care....why not DA yourself.
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  bigmac

  my zealous born in wife--of 13 years---was just waiting for an excuse to divorce me--and i provided the perfect get-out clause. she then went on to poison my kids against me--which led to then shunning me for over 25 years--except for one son--who got d/f'd and now is in regular contact with me. his mother--sister--and kid brother now shun him.

  just one more happy watchtower screwed-up family.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Every situation is different. Nobody knows for sure what your wife and your elders will do.

  I can tell you that your wife is required to continue her relationship with you regardless of whether you are a JW or DF'ed.

  I can tell you that I would do whatever was necessary to not raise my child (if I had one) in the JW's. Even if it meant being DF'ed, I would let Baby Boy have birthdays and holidays and normal interaction with other kids as he grew up.

  Baby Boy would be required to treat you like Dad (no shunning) until he is a grown up, out-of-the-house, baptized JW. I would do all in my power to prevent that "baptized" part from happening and would probably never have to face my own son shunning me.
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  Daniel1555

  Well, do you think my boy would suffer if i am da?

  Our only friends are witness families with little kids? If i am da, then we couldn't spend time with them as a family. My wife and my boy could, but not if I am there too.

  So whenever they want to spend time with them, I have to go away or do something else.

  Did you experience situations like this? Was your child suffering?
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  OnTheWayOut

  Don't just look short term at who your boy's friends are. Your boy will suffer for being a JW regardless of what your status is. If his only friends are JW now, don't you think that will change when he goes to school? Don't you think you could even change that sooner?

  I don't have all your answers but you can't assign yourself blame because you leave a religion and then the religion causes strife to those that remain.

  If it were me, by the time my son was 10, he would understand how the strife comes from Mom's religion and not my congregation status. Before an age of understating, it may not be clear to him, but he would have friends from somewhere and he would experience normalcy.
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  nonjwspouse

  This problem should never be placed upon a family by a reigion. It's disgusing to hear the ways which the WT destrotys lives.

  Sorry for ranting in your thread.
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  TotallyADD

  I read this thread and think to myself "only those in a cult have such problems". If you was in a normal reglion this would be something not even thought of. Only in cult like reglions do you see this sick thinking. I do not know the answer for you all I know it is like walking in a mine-field. Take it slowly and watch were you step. That's the best advice I can give you. Totally ADD
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  AnnOMaly

  Children make their own friendships. When he goes to school he'll forge new friendships which, in turn, will introduce you to other parents and families.

  Why contemplate DAing and complicate life for you and your family? Your hand isn't being forced yet, is it? Not DAing will (theoretically) allow you still to accompany your wife and son to JW social events even though you're considered 'weak' or to have 'fallen away.' Just tell your wife your conscience doesn't allow you to promote/advertize/participate in activities you have doubts about or not 'fully convinced' about; it's causing you inner turmoil doing so; but you will continue to support her where you can.

  Offer to look after your son at home from time to time while she goes out to the meeting or on FS (if he's at the wriggly, noisy toddler stage, she may be glad of it!). Can you drive her to the meetings/FS arrangements, take your son to the park and pick her up later? Having respect for each other's consciences and beliefs should help make for a less bumpy transition in distancing yourself from the Org.