Same boat here. My husband does just about all the same actions as your wife. There's a lot of contradictory. They seem do just enough for Jah to get the guilt off of their back. This could be used to an advantage as they are a little more free thinking than the average JW.
I think part of it is being a lazy thinker as it pertains to JW stuff. Maybe because it's too much to handle mentally and allows them to slack off some without as much guilt or cognitive dissonance.
It gets frustrating at times, such as we may miss three weekends of field service then it's the most important thing in the world and he says y'all (the family) act like you don't know what we do on Saturday mornings...blah blah blah...I want to say really?..but we are use to the drill now. I'll just say I don't feel well and he'll go by hisself, then return as if it's nothing complaining about everything that happen during field service.
He complains anout JW injustices inflicted upon us or any one else for that matter. It seems like the writing is on the wall or as my mother says it, "if you don't like the heat, get out of the kitchen." But no, there's something keeping him trapped.
I'm not sure if it will help but I've been trying to subtly help him to see for himself that the GB are at the root of a lot of the many unnecessary things we deal with. I point out when appropriate, when the GB are not in harmony with the bible. Then I say something like, but of course the GB are just Human and trying to maintain control of things. I want to make this a reoccurring theme so that hopefully something will click and he will get sick of them. I just keep reiterating as appropriate for something we are going through or to help relieve him of some guilt for missing a meeting, service, etc.
A few days ago, he was speaking to a brother about another brother that was complaining about someone speaking to their disfellowshipped child. I overheard my husband say, everyone has do what they are comfortable with. There is nothing in the bible that say you absolutely shouldn't help your disfellowshipped child, the GB are men and it's their opinion, they mean well, but we all have something to work on.
This shocked me, because over a month ago he said I had a problem with the governing body because of something I said and to clean it up, I said no I don't, I know they are human and mean well, that's why they keep changing stuff but at the end of the day we all have to answer for ourself.
I'm sorry for being long winded but my point is to try to keep encouraging independent thinking based on the bible. This could be a start. Hopefully they will start to recognize a pattern with th GB and can eventually break free.