by J-DUBBED 59 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
How do you wake up someone taken from us by these screwed up people?
Our son was hooked by a JW at the age of 25. Within 3 months they were married and we never even new about it. He is now 29 and has nothing to do with his family(except his sister the odd time, when he needs something) of any freinds.
We are lost and have been for four years.
Its odd you have had no contact, sounds to me that the woman he married is very controlling. Most new jw want to convert their family so he should of made contact for this reason. If he lives near you you may have to act interested to then study with him and then ask questions during the study to sew seeds of doubt.
Oh he had some contact with us.....Mostly my wife. He was giving her ultimatums "If we want to see him then we have to change/convert also".
My wife said "I don't think so".
If you haven't already, I would suggest that you head over to www.freedomofmind.com - there's a case assessment that you can fill out (even if you don't actually submit it for their help it can be useful to get you thinking about the mindset of loved one). I also would recommend Steven Hassan's book Freedom of Mind. Educate yourself on the mind control that's been used on your son. The first step is to repair your relationship and try to undo any damage you might've done prior to and just after the cult recruitment. The book I referenced really is written for someone in your exact situation and has a lot of valuable insights for an outsider looking in and it has essentially a step-by-step guide to getting someone to wake up from their indoctrination.
I switched that crap on my sister. When I first left she said "if you want me to keep talking to you you have to go back to the meetings and get right with Jehovah!". I responded by saying " if you want to ever see me or my future children or recieve any help from me in anyway you have to let this go and let me be". Then I asked "which request sounds fair yours or mine? Which request requires one of us to completely change one's life and go against what they want in life?" As of then, she has yet to ever make stupid threats again.
Also, it might be possible to reach him by allowing him to conduct a "bible study" (in which watchtower publications will be studied, along with cherry-picked scriptures) with you. This will let him trust you, and as you learn more about the cult from his perspective, you may be able to raise questions as if they are genuine questions. There are LOTS of questions that cannot be answered (or, once you're indoctrinated, questions that cannot be asked) about this cult.
I also would suggest that you review jwfacts.com for information about the cult to educate yourself. Don't bombard your son with critical information, though, that will do nothing to shake his indoctrination and will only serve to further damage your relationship. Educate yourself, then work on reaching your son's authentic persona - the person he was before he joined the cult. Once you learn to reach his authentic persona you may be able to slowly introduce information that will help him think critically.
Instead of discussing JWs with him, try discussing the mormons or another group that he would agree is a cult. You can explain how mind control works in their group and whether he admits it or not, he'll see similarities with the JWs.
Above all, you need to give him unconditional love and support. The love of the cult is conditional on his being in the cult, yours must be superior and that will allow him to feel the support he will need in order to leave. The cult drills into you that if you leave you'll be lost with nowhere to go, and he needs to know that isn't true or else he'll feel trapped even if he knows it's all lies.
I don't know about that......That Anderson Family hooked my son four years ago. Sandra Anderson screwed up a lot of peoples lives, not just our son. Our son has nothing to do with us. Four years ago he told my wife that we lied to him all these years. He said there's no sich thing as the Easter Bunny, Christmas, Birthdays,..........etc. The bad thing is our son had a little girl four years ago with the, now ex-girlfreind. He and his new JW Bride is now trying to pull my little grand daughter in and play with her mind. Him and the New JW Bride were married within three months and we were never even told about it. The JW Bride was best freinds with our sons ex-girlfreind for eight years back then. I think that's how she hooked him. She seen he was having girlfreind problems, drugs and alcohol, partying. It was like the "Flick of a Switch" he was different. His old freinds think he fell off the face of the earth, he has no contact with them or his own family(except a bit with his sister and her husband). He was 25 back then....He is now coming 29. I sure would like to know what sort of MAGIC is involved to "WAKE" him up from this crap.
I wonder how he'd react if you showed an interest in either his wife and/or his beliefs - even from an intellectual point of view?
Right or wrong, he may sense that you and your wife somehow disapprove of his wife and her religious beliefs.
In this kind of situation, perceptions are often everything.
But I agree it is a sad and tricky situation - as you don't want to give him reason to stay away but nor do you want to give him false hope that you are interested in his beliefs.
Yes we're not interested in their beliefs..................Just want him back to "Normal".
I told him way back I'd rather have him doing the booze and drugs..
I had never researched anything to do with the JW's until this all happened. What a bunch of mixed up hippocrates.
Just nice if there was some magic word to say and he'd open his eyes.
Unfortunately, the reasons why people become Witnesses are varied, and they go back to deeply-seated aspects of the human mind. We really need a psychology paper to be written on this so I can point people to it....
Suffice to say that the religion is meeting one or more of his needs. It might be anxiety over what the future holds, or fear of death, that drew him to the religion. But I bet it's probably his desire to stay sober that is motivating him. The religion has been known to attract addicts who are looking to clean themselves up and need a regimented environment to do so (sometimes it comes down to being a JW or joining the army...). So the religion can at least do that much good for someone, even as it causes other problems.
On another note, I think one pertinent question is why you would rather have him talking to you and doing drugs than leaving a cleaned up life and not talking to you. Don't you want what's best for him?
