Posts by La-Bellamargarita

31

What if JWs had never been part of your life......?

by Scully in

jw
friends

prisca's topic about personal responsibility vs blaming the jws (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/56286/824979/post.ashx#824979) got me to thinking..... where do you think you'd be if the jws and the wts had never been part of your life?how would your life be different from what it is now?what do you think you might have accomplished or done differently without the encumberances of the jws in your life?what kind of relationship would you have with your family?who would you be?.

there are no right or wrong answers, but think about those what-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up ideas you had as children and whether those dreams could have become a reality.. .

love, scully

La-Bellamargarita

Hi all,

This is such an interesting question. I have no real idea what I would be like today if I had never been a Witness, but I suspect that as an individual I would be pretty much the same sort of person that I am, after all the old genes do have some say in what we become.

However, I am sure that I would have had some kind of career today. Part of being a Witness was having the opportunity, or so one always believed, of showing love for ones fellow man soI guess I would have exploited that desire within myself to a more useful purpose, perhaps I would have become a teacher, nurse whatever.

Still no point in looking back is there its the future that counts. Now that I have left what was for me the sad and confusing world of the J.W. I see each day as a challenge and an opportunity to be happy - not feel guilty - not worry about being a "sister in a divided household" just get up in the morning and live. I haven't quite got round to putting myself first in life, but you never know I might even manage that one day. One last thought if I hadn't walked that particular road I wouldn't be speeking to all you lovely people today!!

13

My first "Wordly" Funeral...

by confuzcious in

hey guys, .

i just attended my first "worldly" funeral since i've been out of "the truth" tm.. anyways, i thought it was nicely done.

it gave honor to the deceased, it drew me closer to jesus and it evoked emotions within me.. i'm just contrasting this to the jw funerals which always seems like way to peddle products rather than honor the dead.. no thoughts in particular for me, but anyone have any similar thoughts???.

La-Bellamargarita

J.W. funerals are very formulaic in structure and designed to exploit the fact that they have a captive audience as it were. When I was a practicing witness I used to cringe at the unashamed way in which they took advantage of the berieved to preach their message, even though at that time it was my message also. I used to feel the same at the memorial. I have attended "worldly" funerals and weddings and by and large they have all tended to feel much more "genuine" than their witness equivalents. Isn't it strange how we hang on in there for so long even when we feel uncomfortable about what we are witnessing and taking part in

Love to all La -bella

8

What works for me?

by Anne in

jw
friends

i remembered something that was in my consiousness from back in the day.

i went to the door of a very nice home and was greeted by a nice person.

i presented the usual rehearsed salespitch and she said the oddest thing, "i tried jehovah's witness once, it just didn't work for me.

La-Bellamargarita

Anne, I think like everyone who has read your post I completely understand how you feel. I suppose what really matters is what made you leave in the first place. Were you a happy dub who just realised it wan't the truth, or were you like Maverick who like myself was obviously very unhappy with what he saw in an organisation he entered full of idealism. If you come into the latter catagory I am sure you will find something to take the place of your former activities. I have started on a Open University degree course and I do volunary work in the community.

My life is much more fulfilled now than it ever was when I was a witness, constantly trying to ignore all the incredible hypocracy stupidity, and backbiting that was part and parcel of my life in those days. I know that there are many nice honest individuals in the organisation, or at least I assume there are, but in all honest I never met many of them. Therfore I found that once I had made up my mind to go, even after twenty years, it was a huge relief. Even after three years I sometimes have moments of mysery wishing I hadn't wasted so much of my life, but I would never go back and my life is now full of the ordinary things it always should have been. Keep going be happy !!!

14

Forget your JW history and move on...

by Brummie in

within the first couple of years of leaving the wt quite a few people told me to forget it, get over it and move on, it wasnt like i kept talking about it, in fact, as much as i needed too, i seldom did.

its just that they observed my interest in talking with exjwsan interest that ive never tired of.

i used to feel like i owed people an apology because a lot of my best friends were exjws!

La-Bellamargarita

Brumie

I just want to say how much I agree with what you have said. I am an ex JW and although I drifted out of the org around three years ago, now like yourself I cannot just forget who and what I was for approximately twenty years of my adult life. The healing proccess is not an easy one. Sometimes I feel completely over it all, and then some little thing triggers me off and all the bitterness returns to haunt me. Therefore a site like this where I can meet up with people who know exactly what I am going through and who will figuratively (nice JW word eh!) listen to me unjudgementally is just a real boon for me.

love to you all

33

JW's that tried to Blackball my Hubby in work , since D/A

by LyinEyes in

many of you know that my husband's work is fixing hail damage in cars, and that we have traveled for 10 years from colorado, texas, ok, kansas, etc.

but those mainly were his best contacts , and also all jw's in the business.. last summer one of our best contacts who lives in co, called to tell my husband that he had a hail storm hit that very day, and said that since he has d/a himself he will no longer work him.

i understand that some may not let their conscience do that being firm jw believers.

La-Bellamargarita

I couldn't agree more with all that has been said regarding the work ethic of JWs. They are so full of their own importance and so sure that they and everything the say do and stand for is perfect that they never stop for a moment to think that it may be necessary to put a little effort into whatever it is they are doing. I know from personal experience that many of them are quite willing to ignore local byelaws in regard to building work etc. if they think they can get away with it. I, and others that I know have been stung more than once by them. What angers me the most is that they are such hypocrites, always ready to criticise "worldly ones", but will never accept criticism of a "brother"

As one who has drifted away, as the saying goes, I can also relate to remarks made about who they will or won't associate with. It's okay to lie, cheat, commit adultry even steal," because after all we are all imperfect aren't we", but ask a question out of place at the Kingdom hall or try to get them to admit they have ever been wrong about anything, and suddenly you are a "bad associate". Being honest and upfront appears to be a cardinal sin for witnesses. Living in a dream world pretending that you don't notice the cracks is the order of the day for most of them!!!

37

What are the benifits of DA? Should I DA?

by zucker in

i'm wondering if i should just "come out of the closet" and tell my family i don't believe it anymore and da myself or don't make any noise and fade out?

what are the benefits or problems with either choice?

additionally, some have expressed concern over da.

La-Bellamargarita

As one who decided eventually to "just fade away" I feel the best answer to all the pain and saddness they caused me is to greet any JW I meet with a happy smile, never to get involved in a conversation with them about the "truth" and just let them see that I am happy- they cannot affect my life any longer. I get a strange sense of satisfaction from knowing how much my prestent situation must frustrate them. They love to think that once we leave the org we must feel sad, guilty and confused. I was like that to begin with, but now... why should I worry when I KNOW its not the truth! Do whatever you want to do - me I'm happy with life. I don't feel the need to make any statements to any one to justify my way of life

love to all

33

Lurkers - Confused

by Mystery in

i am a newbie and apparently very naive.

i in reading different threads, lurkers have been mentioned.

my initial thought was "lurking" meant people like me reading for awhile and eventually posting.

La-Bellamargarita

just been reading about lurkers, thought I'd better post as otherwise I shall remain in that catagory. As a newbie I find the site fascinating, but don't feel I have much to contribute.

I haven't been an active witness for at least three years now. I had been having doubts for a long time, things like the "new light "on the Generation, suddenly discovering that the blood issue was far more complex than I had ever envisaged with all the acceptable fractions etc, knowing how hypocritical life in the organisation really is was beginning to get me down, then I discovered the Freeminds site on the net and I began to find the answers I needed. I could hardly believe the things I read in "Crisis of Conscience"

For a good while, even though the things I was learing from the web I found I was able to coroborate from books in the KH library, I still felt really guilty. Every time I went on the web I was filled with mixed emotions of excitement and fear of being "caught". Eventually I became brave, or foolish enough to question the elders about very basic issues, neither they nor the CO could adequately answer my questions. I was constantly told I should trust the "Slave". But the "Slave" had been getting things wrong for years!

Eventually I just drifted away. After almost twenty years as a Witness I now ask myself why couldn't I see it all sooner? Still we can't go back in time and I'm happier now than I was in the organisation, so I just take one day at a time and try get on with life. Sometimes I feel it wasn't so bad, other times I regret all the years I wasted, a common tale no doubt on this board.

Nice talking to you all bye for now

39

Happy about having been a JW?

by Brummie in

are you happy to have been a jw?

is there a constructive side in it all for you?

or do you wish you had never seen their culty smiles?.

La-Bellamargarita

I can't say that I am happy about having been a JW, but like many others I would say it has helped me in some ways to be a better and more understanding person. Having believed something I now find totally unbelievable for many years I can be more tolerant of others who have strange ideas about life, and I know that we should never give up on one another because we can all change.

Moreover, if I had never been a Witness and known the misery and despair of life within the organisation, not to mention the pain and anxiety of exiting, I would not be so appreciative now of how good life is. I would probably not be as strong a person as I now am, of course I appreciate that this is not the case for every ex JW, some I know end up taking years to recover; I'm pretty well over it now after three long years, thankfully

La-bellamargarita

23

How many out here.....

by tazmaniac in

how many out here know a loved one or know of someone who suffers from depression and it is from being in the borg and never feel you are doing enough.

my ex wife would always lapse into a few month state of depression right after a visit from the c/o and getting pounded on about f/s hours or not enough studies or not enough pioneers yadda yadda yadda.

i know with my ex that the constant fear of armageddon and feeling inadequate was a depression trigger ready to be pulled at any instant.

La-Bellamargarita

I was a Witness for eighteen years I suffered from depression on and off for most of that time. It was only when I realised that it wasn't the truth and I could live a normal life without feeling guilty and miserable that I eventually overcame all the depression and anxiety. This eventually took about three years, but thankfully I'm fine now, happy and confident in my new way of life. It can be done, but it's not easy

best wishes La-bellamararita

5

no thanks to the tower

by kilroy2 in

i have nothing but greif and sorrow from the mind sucking cult, i will never give them thanks as thay have done nothing for me.

to me it would be like thanking a rapist for making me more aware of the dangers on the street.

am i bitter.

La-Bellamargarita

So sorry to hear anyone sounding as sad and disalusioned as you are. It will get easier honestly, it does for all of us eventually

love La-bellamargarita