I do feel that way also. I don't take it quite as hard as you seem to be describing though. I feel like I am forced to take the cautious position I do. It is not because of any dishonesty on my part, but because of the childish, black-and-white world the org has created that my wife is bought into most of the time.
I am happy to know now what I know, but the knowledge comes with a large responsibility. I honestly look at it like not telling a child Santa Claus isnt real. I mean at some point you have to, but it would need to be at a point when the timing is right and they are ready.
That analogy speaks more to the childishness of it all and to the emotional immaturity it promotes. I know it's more serious than that.
I wish you well. I am still very much in the journey myself. I will say though - just when you think you are cracking - the mind has a way of moving to the next level of acceptance.