Blackwolf,
It sounds like you really don't have anyone to talk to or who will listen to you. I am here for you.
I live in the UK and have two kids. One over 16 past her situation of being forced to deal with JW crap and one younger than 16 forced to deal with JW crap.
If you have a smartphone you can call me using WhatsApp if you have an Internet connection.
Just don't do anything to harm yourself.
Pm me with your number if you want me to ring you and a time you have some privacy.
Take care
Kate xx