I honestly don't know whether to question your motives or your sanity or you have some insecurity that you think you need some validation by anonymous strangers on the internet to solve. - Simon
I am using double negatives because I am overtired. You know it's really nice that you are even having a conversation with me to try and determine which it is. I know that I am not motivated by something sinister or untoward. But my mental state could be in question. I got upset and wanted some support. I am very emotional. It's nice of you not to rush to judgement. And I am very insecure too.