I came here three years ago for support and to make friends

by KateWild 75 Replies latest jw friends

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    This site is such a great and valuable resource and Simon is to be commended for running it for so long. When I first came I was in such a bad state and really needed support and friendship. So many posters commented on my threads and showed genuine care some are real life friends, some are facebook friends, some I talk to on the phone and some are forum friends.

    I have just realised though that everyone online is not your friend. There is a poster that was very supportive when I first started posting and very friendly. He even sent a PM to cantleave when he was concerned about my absence online. He was right to be concerned. I was hospitalised in poor health. https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/281280/am-back-on-jwn-out-hospital

    But over the time he hasn't been supportive or friendly. I realise he is not my friend. I just realised this last night. I felt a kind of loss really, but I shouldn't because he was not a friend in the first place. I made excuses that he couldn't meet up with me or exchange details because of his health, but the way he treats me on this site is no way to treat a friend. He has called me lazy, dishonest and probably ignorant for having my opinions. He puts intellectual in front of those words sometimes. He has stopped posting on my threads about my personal life and my struggles. In fact it kind of makes me sick I considered him a friend. When posters have PM'd about his behaviour I always used to stick up for him and say he was caring and kind.

    New posters who come here to help them exit, who are in a very vulnerable state need to be aware of the online dangers. Not only should they consider how a poster is treating them, but look at their history and see how they treat others.

    It's fine to debate with people that aren't your friends. But knowing who is and isn't your friend is something that exJWs need to learn when they exit. Some have got terrible social skills and get hurt. I am hurt now. It took me three years to realise who really is a friend and who is not. Hopefully this will help newly awakened ones trying to start a new life and build a circle of friends.

    Some of my friends include, cantleave and Nugget, cantleave you are like an online elder caring for the needy. Thank you for giving me your number without even consulting xxx. She didn't mind though. Thank you xxx for talking to me tirelessly through my journey. You have been such a great and wonderful friend. We have met in person only a couple of times. But you are both still my friends.

    Laika, is also a friend I made here. We meet regularly throughout the years. He probably wont see this but I will text and and ask him to comment. He doesn't post here much. He has moved on and doing really well. StanLiveDeath / BigMac, just had a nice chat to him. He has always been very loving and caring.

    Eric form JWstruggle, Oubliette, Searcher, Cappytan have been good friends who I have never met in person, but have swapped other details to keep in touch. These don't seem to be posting here much. Lloyd Evans (Cedars) is also my friend, we have met and chatted on the phone and talk on Facebook. K99 is my online buddy too and DJS who has just commented on another thread, there are many others who are online forum friends too. Sorry if I haven't mentioned you but if you want to swap details, or meet up let me know in a PM

    Oppps almost forgot. My very best friend of all that I have made on this site, is Simon. He is a good friend and always keeps me on my toes. Thanks for being my friend Simon xx

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Oh dear,

    Someone has disliked my OP without commenting. If it was you, I am sorry you find my OP offensive or unpleasant. But I am warning new posters that they can get hurt online but also expressing that you can meet real friends on this site. Good friends who are supportive.

    Would be nice if you could comment, but thanks for reading anyway

  • cantleave
    cantleave
    Angus you are like an online elder .....

    Bloody hell, there's a back handed compliment

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Lol too late to remove or edit it now Angus. Hope I can make it to the party xx

  • rebel8
    rebel8
    In my experience, what you describe about "online friends" is not different than people IRL.
  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Rebel, Actually yes you're right but my experience is that I got hurt online. But sure I need to be aware I could get hurt IRL too. Thanks

  • Laika
    Laika

    Hi Sam

    Thanks for your call! Been great to know you, just had a look at the fixtures, maybe we can go to the game on the 13th August? Your son too?

  • Landy
    Landy

    Me. Me. Look at me everyone.

    FFS

  • KateWild
    KateWild

    Laika. That's great. I have put it in my diary.

    Landy, I am so upset about your post I am going to slit my wrists now

  • scratchme1010
    scratchme1010

    My two cents. I'm not your friend, nor your enemy as I just joined this group very recently. I am not offended by your post, and I am the kind of person that can handle things that are not too pleasant to hear.

    There are a few things about online forums in general that everyone should keep in mind:

    1 - Anyone can join this forum claiming that is here for support and that is a JW or ex-JW and there's absolutely no way of knowing if that person is telling the truth. That opens the doors for all kinds of people to join the forum.

    2 - You never know what people are going through, you never know the state of mind of people when they type anything in these forums. You never know what's of people's minds, their intentions, their issues, and you never know what triggers anger or other negative emotions in people. Also, people can change their minds about how they feel about a given person.

    3 - Becoming or acting tribal (I'm friends with this and that, but not friends with this and that) looks and sounds a lot like the JW practice of disfellowshipping people. I don't think that's healthy in thins particular type of forum.

    4 - Relationships can be mended and can improve (granted, they can degrade too). I truly believe that posting negative comments about a particular person (even if you are truly hurt and it seems like you are very hurt) is not going to promote support for the other person or you.

    My rule is that if there's a post or poster I don't feel brings positive support to me, I just let it be. If a person changes around me, I try to find out why, but if I get attitude, I just walk away (or stop acknowledging that person, unless the person attacks me, then I set some boundaries).

    Something I'd suggest to you is to look at the fact that people do change, people may not have your best interest at heart, people my try to use you, some people are crazy... in other words, this forum is no different than the entire universe outside of it. Also, Singling out one person in a negative light may create an atmosphere where nobody gets support, which is the main purpose of this forum.

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