I despise cheating as well, when in a relationship that has always been loving, and has a good outlook for continued success. However, I will say that I know that there are people out there who are in a marriage that was never happy to begin with, and know that the time will come when the marriage will end. In fact, the only reason the two stay together is strictly out of convenience - there is no real love there, and each party has their own reason for sticking around. In one instance I know of, the man has been married three times, and the only reason he wants his current wife to stay is because he can not stand the thought of being "the loser" again. It is not because he loves her and it is not because he has made any concerted effort to make her feel loved. It is a "possession" thing and a "ego" thing. He simply can not bear to lose her because of what it says about him. She, on the other hand, has begged to try to bring some semblance of love to the marriage, but he just can't bring himself to stick to any of the "promises" he ever makes to effect changes which could bring it about - most times breaking them as early as the very night they were made. The lonliness factor runs high for her, and she can't help but want to be somewhere else and with someone else. They have a child that keeps her there, and honestly, she doesn't really want to be alone, so she stays. Yet, she feels alone anyway, trapped in a loveless marriage, and she is withering and dying within that relationship. Her reasons for staying aren't really any better than his - she just wants to make sure her child is taken care of. They have tried counselling - three years worth, in fact, and no changes. They became Christians and tried to live by God's law of "mates for life" - praying for improvement and a change of heart - yet still no changes. It is a lonely and empty existence for the woman - and for the man, too, probably. There really is no hope for the marriage - in fact, any hope there ever could have been died years and years ago.
Before I give what will most likely be an unpopular opinion, I think it is important to define "cheating". The example you gave OS in the opening post in this thread, IMHO, is a classic and abhorrent case of cheating. This man loves his wife, and wants to continue to have a loving relationship with her. Bringing someone else into the equation is deadly to the relationship - whether she ever finds out or not. He will always know about it, and most likely, will always worry about "slipping up" and telling her about it. He will live in his own form of torture, and because he took something beautiful and marred it, I have no sympathy for him.
But in the instance I cite, I believe it to be different. There are those who say, "out of respect for your spouse, you should at least leave first before finding someone else." I say, that love grows out of respect. And since there is no love in the marriage, there is no respect not only for the people in the marriage, but for the marriage itself. The whole thing is a sham. And I do not believe that if one person, who in this very real example I cite, who wasn't even looking, finds someone who can show them what real love is about, then they should thank God for allowing that person into their life. Maybe the order of how things should go got mixed up because of the way things naturally occurred - but I see nothing wrong with leaving a loveless, hopeless marriage for someone else that can provide something that the marriage never did and never will. The key though, is the actions of the person who accidentally met someone new. If they do not take real, sincere steps to leave the marriage, and instead, try to sustain both, then there is a problem and it is wrong. But if the person makes a genuine effort to get out, and leave the unhealthy marriage behind them, then I believe that there is nothing wrong with that. Staying in a loveless and hopelss marriage when someone new comes along just because society thinks you should, is wrong in my book. Because staying makes about as much sense as trying to resuscitate a dead horse, while allowing the live, healthy and live-giving person to walk out the door. What sense does that make?
Again, I know my opinion on the very real scenario I paint may not be popular, but I do believe that all persons deserve to be happy and to be loved. And sometimes an opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. I believe when people have the choice between the unhappy and unfilling status quo, or the once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity, they should seize the opportunity - whether others like the choice they made or not. After all, it is not others who are living the life and making the choice. And IMHO, OS, "others" don't have any business judging those who choose the brass ring over the dead horse.
growedup