It is unfortunate that you're personal situation is causing you distress. Others here have given you some good counsel.
As to the dubs, going back will simply add to your distress. They will make you jump through hoops to become an approved associate (or whatever they are calling it these days). There are no meetings for you to attend in person to be able to have the love bombs dropped on you for a while until they tire of that. You'll have to complete the study of a book or two. No one will likely visit you in person as they are discouraged from visiting private homes due to Covid. My 91 year old mother, a second generation lifelong dub, hasn't seen one dub in person in almost a year. She gets an obligatory phone call about every six weeks from one sister and that's it.
Even if you decide to return you are probably going to need more effective assistance than can be found in a vacant Kingdom Hall.