since the move, it has been so enjoyable to not have jw's breathing down our necks asking why we didn't make the meeting, or having to pretend to be "spiritual" in front of family all the time.. 90% of my week is virtually stress free.
then, my mom calls or texts wanting to talk to her grandkids.
every dang call, she asks about the new congregation, if we went to the meeting, etc.. why can't i tell her to fk off?
Hey, you are not a coward. The relationship we have with a parent is different from any other. The mother-son and father-daughter dynamic is especially powerful.
Don't feel bad - your feelings are always valid. No guilt or shame, please!
I couldn't add anything to the advice that is already on the thread, except my support. I'm not very good in the 'Parental Unit' Department. * grins *
xx
that is the truth-- that's really how i think now.
so why should i tell the truth?
just look at the person i've become.
As JWs, we were expected to be 'perfect'.
You said that your BF did not believe the things you told him about your life, from the very beginning of your relationship. That is a red flag - he has trust issues, so can *he* be trusted?
This need to please, can be especially difficult to overcome when we have newly left the LIE. We were taught that leaving the b'Org meant we would always be alone, so the fear is ingrained. On top of that, the JW love is conditional, so our neural pathways are set on one message: Tell people what they want to hear, or they won't love you! Your BF reinforced that message by being mistrustful of you from day one.
That's not to say he is necessarily a toxic person - most people have some issues - that is for you to determine.
You don't need to hide who you are, in order to be loved.
New neural paths can be created. Just like in nature, we can forge a new path, and over time, it will become the natural way to go, as the old path gets clogged with undergrowth and becomes harder to find.
This is one of the purposes of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Once you figure out what you need to do (Transactional Analysis and other therapeutic techniques are very effective), then change your behaviours.
Here's a good example of one thing I had to change. I had that 'bad parent' in my head who always said "That was stupid!" So, every time I had that abusive thought, I would correct myself and say......... "If I had to do that over again, I would do it differently.." Healthy people make mistakes, too. : ) After a while (and it took a while), I stopped thinking "That was stupid", and would think "Doh! I'll do it different the next time". I created a new neural path, and this meant I was no longer punishing myself unfairly.
Do some research online, read some books, and a great choice may be to see a counsellor or therapist to help you work through these issues.
But at all times, remember this:
You is kind. You is smart. You is important. ~ Kathryn Stockett, The Help
xx
EDIT: Just saw your post, Van - agreed. As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA : ) Every relationship is a learning experience, though.
my mom especially had some go-to phrases that to this day echo in my head and piss me off.
things like, .
"don't get mad at me for enforcing the rules, because jehovah made them, so if you don't like it, you're disrespecting him.
"If everybody wanted to jump off the Bridge, would you do it, too."
(at this point, mother, YES! *grins*)
.
"Respect your elders."
Really? Across the board? Even when they are monsters and child molesters? Nope, equal respect from birth to death for all people (children are people, too), and those who *earn* it, get trust as well.
my mom especially had some go-to phrases that to this day echo in my head and piss me off.
things like, .
"don't get mad at me for enforcing the rules, because jehovah made them, so if you don't like it, you're disrespecting him.
On Hallowe'en, approx. age 10,:
"No, Hallowe'en is from Satan. We turn off all the lights and keep the blinds drawn. It's Satan's favorite night, and SATAN and his demons are running around, and so happy, because they can get all the children!"
ON reading the Asleep! article about Malawi, age 8 or 9: ::
"Jehovah's people face persecution, even here in Canada! It happened during the Duplessis years. So we must be ready to withstand torture in this time of the end(TM)."
Anyone remember the horrific descriptions of the torture? I'm not sure of the year, but mid-60s? And yes, JWS were jailed in PQ in the early 20th Century. This was a real threat to my sanity as a child.
On my first day of school, age 6:
"You are to remain seated when God Save The Queen or Oh Canada is played, do not bow your head or say Amen after the Lord's prayer, and keep your eyes open. Come straight home for lunch and after school. All worldly people are ruled by Satan. Bad associations spoil useful habits."
Followed by a meeting with my teacher, who was a Xtian and DELIGHTED that I was so advanced in my reading skills, that I got to READ A SCRIPTURE to the class every morning, so that my JW mother could have 'equal religious treatment'. Needless to say, I was an instant target (I'm small, too), and remained one until high school, where anonymity gave me safety. : ))
On blood transfusions, age 15.. My friend's baby was born very sickly, and needed blood (though chances were slim that he would survive). It was, of course, refused. The doctors were prepared legally, and procured a court order. For three months, they did all they could, but the infant died.
"Well, they took X's baby, and tortured it for three months. When it died they gave it back to them and said 'Bury it' That's how they treat Jehovah's people.".
HomeByTheSea, yes, the stoning one, too! I forgot that one. ugh
Oh, and this Cherry! We've all heard this one.
"The worst Jehovah's Witness is better than the best worldly person." (Let's TM that whole sentence. hehe)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh4bi60alzu.
first person to say, "this scishow episode is a monsanto conspiracy," is a rotten egg..
David Suzuki sums it up in a 5 minute interview on youtube. As a scientist, and geneticist, he is concerned.
1. It is the largest science experiment, EVER.
2. GMO plants do not produce seeds, leaving the farmer with no option except to buy new seed every year.
i'am sure you have come across someone with that type of personality, working in sales, clerk, waitress or waiter.
most are nice but once in a while you come across that person that needs to choose a different career.. this morning i met that person, she just screwed up my day.
i'm thinking maybe her day wasn't a good start,a fight with her husband, bills or children but don't screw up my day.
I thought of that, and it bothered me for about 2 seconds. But food handlers can't be acting like that - she deserved to lose her job. She obviously didn't appreciate having it.
; )
i'am sure you have come across someone with that type of personality, working in sales, clerk, waitress or waiter.
most are nice but once in a while you come across that person that needs to choose a different career.. this morning i met that person, she just screwed up my day.
i'm thinking maybe her day wasn't a good start,a fight with her husband, bills or children but don't screw up my day.
If that person is truly over the top, I will speak to management, and tell them exactly what transpired. Also, that my money will be spent elsewhere, where I am treated with respect.
A few years ago, I went to the supermarket to buy a piece of fish for my cat. It was 20 minutes before closing, and the woman at the fish counter had already cleared the display cases and put the product in the walk-in. I asked for 1 fillet of haddock. She was clearly annoyed that I had interrupted her routine, and had to go into the walk-in to get my fish. .
When I got home and opened the package, the fish was dirty - she had obviously thrown it on the floor before she wrapped it. The next day, I went back to the store, and asked to see the manager. He told me she had had numerous complaints already for her attitude, and would be dealt with.
**edit to retype the paragraph that disappeared**
Three weeks later, my friend's mother got a new job. At the supermarket. At the fish counter, because they had to fire a bad employee.
(Note that this is a unionized shop, and the clerk must have had quite the record to lose her job,)
If someone has to take a sales job (which they hate) to make ends meet, I feel bad for them, BUT. Do your job, and suck it up! Especially if you are in a union, and lucky enough to have the wage and bennies that go with it.
xx
i just wanted to say that my dear 89 year old mom is terminally ill and will soon pass.
she is on morphine and hanging on.
she has been a devout witness for about 60 years and a wonderful mother.
what happens to ex-bethelites is really of no concern to the gb.
and equally no concern to us as ex-jws or those who question jw organization.. layoffs have happened at headquarters and elsewhere for many, many years - although the scale this time is larger than previously, being an all time high: 1,600. .
for the record, we should spare any sympathy/empathy for those who are about to sent packing this time.
What is it that the WTS tells those of us, baptized as children, who are now disfellowshipped?
Oh yeah, "you made your bed, now lie in it." I'm sure those Bethelites would agree. I feel pity for those who will live in poverty, and be subjected to the dangers, lack of medical care, hunger and everything else that goes along with being poor in our culture. But, they chose this life for themselves.
*shrugs*
i'm just watching this video.
now bare in mind this guy has never been a jehovah's witness so he has no investment in this cult.. https://youtu.be/_ry-onhbkya.
His other vids are still there (I was watching them). Maybe he is going to fix the 'no alcohol' error. : )
Thanks for sharing. and right on umbertoecho - I mean, seriously - Forbes? hahaha, that's a business magazine for cryin' out loud.
xx
