Odrade

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Posts by Odrade

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  3

  AREN'T BOOKS really a perfect GIFT for seasonal giving for opening fence-sitting JW minds?

  by Terry in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i spent about 6 years working at half price books.. i know people who are readers are passionate about reading.. the choice of what to read is personal.. _____________.

  when i've been given a book as a gift--i take it as a personal gift.

  kinds of gifts (i.e.

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  Odrade

  Half-Price Books? *squeeeeeeee*

  Many of my hard-earned shiny gold rocks have ended up there. I was so sad when the CapHill Seattle location closed.
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  25

  Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

  by Odrade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

  my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

  at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

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  Odrade

  Thanks flipper, that must be a nightmare. Whatever else went down in our house growing up, I can't imagine my father behaving like this, especially toward my mother. He at least tries for consistency, and he's quite a rule-follower. One of the sad things is how my brother is still trying to win his approval, and he just blows so hot and cold. I don't know.

  It becomes impossible to separate the things they do because of who they are, and the things they do because of what Watchtower has made them. It's tragic.
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  25

  Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

  by Odrade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

  my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

  at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

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  Odrade

  Sometimes I wonder if most "bravery" is just self-preservation turned into action.
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  25

  Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

  by Odrade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

  my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

  at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

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  Odrade

  Ha, Giordano! True!

  I spent yesterday afternoon helping my Mother-in-law pick out a tablet at Costco, then setting it up for her with WT library, some app called JW Language (? wtf it's like the cult version of Rosetta Stone?) and bookmarks to take her straight to JW TV and JW.org. Then explained to her how she can only download the apps that say "Jehovah's Witnesses Official," so she wouldn't get into Apostatrouble. LOL, I felt like I needed a shower, some bourbon, or both.

  I don't know, it's different with the mother-in-law. She's just as involved but somehow not as hardcore. She knows exactly where we stand, but still treats us like family, so if she needs a JW-ified Galaxy Tablet, then okay.
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  25

  Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

  by Odrade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

  my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

  at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

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  Odrade

  Thanks AlphaMan, I'm sorry too. The organization really leaves a mess in their wake.

  On the chance anyone is interested, this is the blog I mention in the email. I've been posting stuff about family dysfunction, the JWs, and similar, for the last 2-3 months, but it's a pretty general topic personal blog. Posts are more or less tagged.
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  72

  When Was Jerusalem Destroyed By The Babylonians?

  by Smart in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  can someone explain in easy to understand language what this argument is all about.

  i am not that clever.

  i am hoping to talk to the elders about this as well as whoever is willing to talk about it on here.

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  Odrade

  I'd thought they were sidling away from 1914 being significant. Wasn't there "new light" about 1914 sometime this summer? (or was it last? Time flies when you DGAF.)
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  25

  Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

  by Odrade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

  my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

  at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

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  Odrade

  Thanks Blondie. Nice to see some familiar faces around here. :)
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  25

  Finally sent that letter, but not to mom...

  by Odrade in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  no not that letter.. so we hobbled along with the family relationship.

  my parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in jw-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice.

  at one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me.

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  Odrade

  No not that letter.

  So we hobbled along with the family relationship. My parents (super-devout, highly involved and connected in JW-land,) spoke with me occasionally with that sad mopey voice. At one point about 6 years ago, my mom quit speaking to me. In reality, the relationship with my mother was not great before I left the JWs, and it was unsteady with my father too, as ours was a corporal punishment household, which leaves its own wake of destruction, quite aside from pernicious and authoritarian JW doctrine.
  
  In the meantime, the strange little points of contact with my father have become increasingly unbearable. Every in-person encounter was sidling around the giant elephant hiding under the rug. Every phone call or text message felt like trying to communicate with tape over my mouth. And even after all of this time, he still felt compelled to "witness" to me every now and then. In all that time, even though I stood my ground regarding meeting invites, and declined literature, I never once made an unequivocal statement regarding the Organization.

  After 12+ years I could no longer determine what it was I was trying to protect. Our lives have moved on. Most of my local friends have never been involved with JWs. The only family ties to "protect" would be those with my mother who doesn't speak with me anyways, my father, and my brother (who, because of events of the last several years is unlikely to cut ties with me whether he remains in the Org or leaves again.)

  However, after all of this time, the idea that I have never really "spoken truth to power," ie: made a clear statement to my father regarding the JWs, has weighed heavily on my mind. Recently he has taken to doing things like texting pictures of things our family did when I was a child - I suppose in his mind "when we were all happy."
  
  I've spent much of the last 10 years doing normal things with normal people in normal ways, but sometimes the damage rolls back over you like a sneaker wave. In the last 6 months or so, I began experiencing pretty severe PTSD symptoms and started seeing a counselor.
  
  In the end, as it turns out, the pages-long letter I had once thought to send my mother, was reduced to a fairly short email... and directed only to my father.

  (*personal lines removed*)

  It's not that I don't remember the good things(...)

  Growing up JW was extremely damaging. While I can empathize with the circumstances that led to your parental inability to appropriately handly active children, I have no sympathy for your religious choices.
  
  Watchtower governs via fear and shame. Their doctrine is manipulative and subject to whim. Their rules have killed, and upon changing the rules, no apology has ever been issued. Have you ever once heard of a total exoneration being announced after "new light" for anyone who was disfellowshipped for choices that went contrary to "old" understanding? Not to mention that disfellowshipping itself is one of the cruelest, most abhorrent, destructive and wrong doctrines in the whole of Christianity.
  
  I've come to believe that anyone who is as heavily involved as you are, has had ample opportunity to see through it, and chooses to look the other way. At the very least, you should have recognized my intelligence and clear-sightedness and taken that as a cue to make a deeper examination. I left for matters of conscience and integrity.
  
  It may be that someday I will get to the point where the problems with our family unit are a footnote, and I can remember all the good times, without emotional conflict. However, it was beyond time that I made a clear statement to you about where I stand with your religion. This is it:
  
  I do not ever want to hear another word from you about the Jehovah's Witnesses, unless it is to tell me you are planning your exit from the Organization. I don't want to hear about quick builds, or annual meetings or your bible studies, or any other aspect of your doctrine.
  
  If you should wish to follow along with my recovery, you can do two things - you can do some research into Religious Trauma Syndrome and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD,) and you can read my blog, I know you already have the URL and have seen at least one of my posts.
  
  I do love you and mom, but the only thing you can help me with right now is giving me space.

  I think I come back to JWN to post this because I feel like most of us arrive on this board when we are still so raw. Some of us make a little home here, and some of us get the support we need and "move on." But moving on is always a work in progress. Sometimes things happen, externally or even internally, that throw us back to how we felt when we first made our escape.

  I have people in real life who I love and who love me. They support me, but very few of them really understand this compulsion to finally have a say, even after things have "settled.: The logical part of my mind says "let sleeping dogs lie." But the part that's always hypervigilant is saying "that dog is not asleep, he's an attack dog who is pretending to be asleep long enough to get his teeth on your throat."

  This letter, I really did send. He seems to be respecting my request for space, as I've not heard a reply.

  I feel great relief.
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  102

  Bill Cosby - too much smoke for no fire?

  by Simon in

  1. social
  2. current

  it seems like the list of people who are accusing him of rape and sexual assault is growing every day.

  i'm skeptical of single accusations but the number of people and the similar stories seem overwhelming now.. it's not a conviction but to the court of public opinion ... guilty?.

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  Odrade

  Giordano: it is impossible to "have sex with" an unconscious woman. An unconscious person is incapable of consent, therefore any sexual activity with an unconscious person would be at the very least sexual assault.
  
  Same goes for a person who is very intoxicated.
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  127

  I'm sitting here listening to a JW try to recruit somebody

  by Terry in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm at starbucks .

  just outside in the courtyard.. i'm trembling.

  my hands are shaking.. wow!.

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  Odrade

  Hey Terry, I'm so glad you're continuing to update this story, and that there's something to update.